


Dirty Little Secret (Who Has To Know?)

by messagefromtheveins



Category: Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Multi, Overstimulation, Smut, So much smut, Threesome - F/M/M, at least a little bit of it, kinda? I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2019-11-08 14:40:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 63,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17983028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/messagefromtheveins/pseuds/messagefromtheveins
Summary: “God, baby” He murmured, wishing that your tight jeans would allow him to push his fingers into you and really feel you. “'got me so hard for you”Turning your head, you found his lips in a bit of an awkward angle, but neither of you really seemed to care as he greedily devoured your lips. It didn’t last as long as you had hoped for, instead you were interrupted when he moaned your name while you applied pressure on his tip through his jeans. “You two are quite the sight for sore eyes” Cez’s voice reached you, your head turning back to find him sitting on the edge of the bed, palming himself over his jeans.“See what you’re doing to us?” Shawn whispered into your ear, his teeth tugging on your earlobe while his finger moved over your clit just perfectly. You whimpered as he pulled his hand back, not even getting the chance to complain before he gave you a gentle push towards Cez who held a hand out to you.***********Shawn/Cez/Reader threesome smut. That's really all it was until people asked me to turn it into a series.





	1. Chapter 1

Tour life was crazy and exhausting most of the time, so much that you sometimes found yourself wondering why you had chosen this life. But then, on nights off like this one, with the whole team gathered in a bar, you remembered why you enjoyed this lifestyle so much.

“Who’s getting the next round?”

“I will,” you responded and got up, stopping mid step when a hand curled around your wrist.

Worried dark eyes looked up to you before Shawn looked over his shoulder towards the crowded bar, mostly surrounded by guys. “Want me to come with you?” he offered, getting an immediate smile from you. That was part of the reason why you loved working for him- how caring and thoughtful he was, never letting the fame get to his head and always being the charming guy he is.

“I’ll be fine, but thanks,” you smiled, his touch leaving your wrist as you once again turned to step away from the table.

What you didn’t know was that you had two pairs of eyes following you as you walked over to the bar to order the next round of shots, both of them checking you out.

 

* * *

 

The night hadn’t started like that, but at some point you found yourself sitting in between Shawn and Cez, both of them so close that their thighs kept brushing yours below the table- you were still trying to figure out if it was accidental. But you couldn’t deny that you were absolutely enjoying yourself, surrounded by two incredibly attractive guys.

_‘I am sitting between 2 guys who are both too attractive to be true, who both smell too good to be true, are too funny to be true and they keep touching me in friendly ways that actually drive me insane. help!!’_

That was the text that had started everything that would happen later that night. That text had turned into your friend interrogating you on both Shawn and Cez before it had somehow turned into a threesome talk. And to top the whole thing off you made the horrible mistake of leaving your phone on the table while you went to pee.

Cez’s gaze caught your phone as the screen lit up with an incoming message, already about to look back up when he caught his name. Curiosity got best of him as he lightly leaned over so he could read the message before the screen would go black again.

_'for real tho. A threesome with Shawn and Cez would be a dream come true, right?! I honestly don’t get how you didn’t give in to either one of them already’_

Clearing his throat, he looked over his shoulder to check that you weren’t just now coming back to the table before he took your phone while nudging Shawn across your empty chair.

Shawn turned to look at his tour manager and raised his eyebrows as Cez handed him the phone, but wordlessly took it and read the message. His eyes widened in an almost comical way before his head snapped up, searching the bar before he turned to Cez again. “What is this?”

 

* * *

 

You were blissfully unaware of what had happened while you had been in the bathroom, sitting down between the two guys again and reaching for your drink. You didn’t notice the way they kept staring at you out of the corner of their eyes.

What you did notice was the way they suddenly turned even more touchy than before. The first touch of Cez’s hand on your thigh startled you for a short moment, but you didn’t read too much into it. You smiled as Shawn put his arm over the back of your chair and started playing with your hair, simply because you knew that he was quite the touchy person. But you had to bite back a moan as Cez’s hand later placed on the back of your neck where he actually started to lightly massage your skin.

Even when you reached for your phone to answer your friends text with a few eye-roll emojis you still didn’t make the connection.

Shawn leaned in closer to you, his lips lightly brushing the shell of your ear. You knew that it didn’t seem like a strange thing to an outsider, especially with how loud it was in the bar, so it only looked like he was casually telling you something. But his words made you shiver. “What if I told you that Cez and I are down for it?”

Your eyes widened before you forced yourself to act calmly, knowing that tons of questions would be fired your way if someone noticed. Turning to look at him as he pulled back again, he gave you a soft grin as he noticed your shocked expression. “For what?” you asked, your voice weak as all kinds of fantasies crossed your mind while you didn’t want to get your hopes up yet.

His only response was to tap the black screen of your phone. Swallowing heavily, you turned to look at Cez as he lightly placed his hand on your thigh again. “I might’ve seen the text. Sorry,” he apologized in a quiet voice.

Your thoughts started racing as you tried to figure out what you had gotten yourself into and if you really weren’t just dreaming. “You can’t be serious, guys,” you finally concluded, receiving a grin and a shrug from Cez while Shawn smirked at you.

Clearing his throat, Shawn leaned in again. “Why don’t we head back to the hotel?” he murmured right when Cez’s hand gently squeezed your thigh, your eyes widening for a moment as you swallowed heavily. Keeping your gaze on his hand- his thumb slowly brushing back and forth while he patiently waited for you to make a decision- you slowly lifted your head and looked from one guy to the other a few times before you found yourself nodding.

You were scared that it would seem suspicious, but no one seemed to question why the three of you left at the same time. The hotel was only a short walk away from the bar and it passed in silence, Shawn only quickly waving at the couple of fans waiting in front of the hotel before you entered the building.

“Mine or yours?” Cez murmured, the simple question making your heart skip a beat in excitement. You were really about to do this.

“Mine. You of all people should know that I got the best room,” Shawn responded with a grin, chuckling as Cez shoved him with a smirk. Usually you would roll your eyes at them, but the fact that the three of you were waiting for the elevator to take you up to Shawn’s room where you might experience the best night of your life kept you quiet.

Of course other people were getting in the elevator with you, your fantasies of getting pushed up against the mirrored walls and kissed until you were breathless getting destroyed immediately. But your heart started beating faster when a strong and tattooed arm snuck around your middle, gently tugging you back until you were pressed up against his front. You had to bite your lip as he slowly- in movements so light that an outsider definitely wouldn’t notice them- rolled his hips against the curve of your ass.

You reached the floor before you even fully got to appreciate how nice it felt to have his arms wrapped around you like that, the three of you the only ones that got out. Cez wrapped an arm around your shoulders as you walked down the long hallways while Shawn dug his keycard out of the back pocket of his jeans, your head turning to look up to him. “You know you can tell us if you change your mind about this, right?” he asked quietly, giving you a comforting smile that had your heartbeat slow down.

You nodded. “I know,” you responded and smiled as he placed a soft kiss on your cheek like he usually did right after greeting you. You reached the door right when Shawn unlocked it, holding it open and letting you step inside first with a soft smile. What you didn’t know- but highly suspected- was that you had two pair of eyes staring at your butt before they followed you into the room.

You heard the lock click into place before you turned around to them to find Shawn tossing the card on the desk shoved against the wall while Cez took his jacket off and threw it over the back of one of the armchairs. You followed his example and took your shoes and socks off while you were at it before you straightened up again and gave them a grin. “I have to be honest with you guys, I’ve never done this before.”

“You think we have?” Shawn chuckled and ran a hand through his hair, Cez clearing his throat beside him and immediately getting all of the attention.

Scratching the back of his neck, he shrugged and gave you a smirk. “Actually, I have,” he confessed, your eyes widening while Shawn took a step back and stared at his tour manager with pure disbelief written in his eyes.

“You what?”

Cez shrugged. “Yeah. So?”

Crossing your arms in front of your chest with a big grin, you tilted your head at them. “But what would this do to your wholesome duo reputation?” you teased with a grin. “Imagine the shitstorm if your fans find out that their beloved Shawn isn’t an innocent boy like they all assume.”

Quickly looking over to his tour manager, he grinned before he approached you. His hands settled on your waist as soon as he was close enough, looking down on you with warm and dark eyes before he slowly leaned in closer. You instinctively reached up to grasp his upper arms as the tip of his nose lightly rubbed against yours while your eyelids fluttered. You couldn’t decide if you wanted to close them already or keep them open until he would finally kiss you. “But you don’t kiss and tell, do you?” he whispered, his lips almost brushing yours as he talked.

“Guess you have to find out,” you breathed right before he closed the gap between you, his soft lips perfectly fitting against yours. You couldn’t hold back the quiet whimper as he kissed you in a tender way, his grip on you tightening at the sound. Reaching up, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pushed yourself up on your tip toes in the process, your chest pressing up against his.

You were aware of the sound of Cez moving around, but you couldn’t bring yourself to concentrate on it while Shawn gently coaxed you to part your lips- which you didn’t hesitate to do- before he deepened the kiss, a low groan rumbling in his chest at the first taste of you. The feeling of another pair of hands settling on your hips startled you for a moment, but you found yourself relaxing into it as another body pressed up against your back.

You broke away from the kiss with a soft gasp as warm lips touched the side of your neck in gentle kisses, the feeling of his beard brushing over your skin giving you immediate goosebumps. Your fingers tugged on Shawn’s hair as he didn’t hesitate to dip his head down, peppering a bit rougher kisses over the other side of your neck.

“Shit, guys,” you whimpered, your teeth harshly digging into your bottom lip as Cez boldly moved his hands up to cup your boobs, his low moan muffled against your skin. But then some part of your brain started working again, immediate panic bubbling up. “Hold on.”

Your voice was barely more than a breath, but they both pulled back immediately. Dark eyes looked down on you, understanding written in them as he let go of you, letting you take a step back after Cez’s touch left you. “It’s okay. We don’t have to do anything if you’re not comfortable,” Shawn reassured you, the smile he gave you only easing your worries a bit.

Running a hand through your hair, you sighed and met Cez’s blue eyes as he stepped around you to look at you with concerned eyes. “That’s really not the problem, guys,” you mumbled, your teeth nervously biting your bottom lip.

“Then what is it?” Cez asked, his voice quiet and soothing.

You started pacing the hotel room, your heart racing in your chest. “How can you be so calm about this? What if things get weird after we do this? I mean, we’re working together literally every day and-”

“Hey,” Cez’s voice was firm, his hands grasping your upper arms to bring your restless legs to a stop. Your eyes were wide as you looked up to him. “Deep breaths, yeah? It’s not worth having a panic attack over this,” he told you, smiling as you took a shaky breath and held it in your lungs for a long moment before slowly releasing it again.

It was quiet in the room for a moment before you spoke up again. “How do threesomes even work? Is there some guidebook?”

Both of them chuckled, Cez letting go of you when he was sure that you wouldn’t start to panic again. “Why don’t you ask Mister 'had a threesome before’?” Shawn sassed and nodded over to his tour manager who started to laugh.

“Are you mad that you don’t have as much experience as I do?”

Shawn crossed his arms in front of his chest while leaning back against one of the armchairs, but before he could speak up your quiet and insecure voice reached them.

“Guys…”

“You’re thinking way too much about this, honey,” Shawn told you, his defensive stance having softened instantly as soon as his eyes had met yours. “I also don’t know what will happen and how this whole thing will work,” he continued, giving you an encouraging smile as you nervously nibbled around on your bottom lip. The realization that he was just as inexperienced as you were in this case calmed you immensely. “Just relax. We’ll just… go with the flow, okay? Do whatever feels right. No pressure.”

You took a calming breath before you nodded. “Okay. I can do that.”

“So, if I were to kiss you, would that be okay?” Cez asked and slowly stepped closer to you again.

“That would be more than okay,” you grinned and reached for him as soon as he was close enough, your hands cupping around his face while he leaned down to kiss you. Kissing him was so much different than kissing Shawn- the feeling of his beard on your skin had you swallowing down a moan, wondering what it would feel like on the inside of your thighs or even right against your-

The feeling of his hands settling on your hips brought you back to reality, tugging you closer to him while he deepened the kiss before his hands slid to rest on your butt, squeezing the cheeks gently. “Just-” you were interrupted as Cez kissed you again, your lips curling into a smile. “Just a quick question,” you said as you finally managed to break away from him, your head tilting as he immediately attacked your neck in gentle kisses again while your hands moved to grasp his shoulders.

“What is it?” Shawn asked, staying right where he was and giving you a smirk as your eyelids fluttered when Cez found that one really sensitive spot on your neck. One of your hands tangled into Cez’s hair at the back of his head as he concentrated on the spot, your back arching and chest pushing against his as he sucked on it.

“When did you even talk about this?” your voice was breathy, eyes falling closed as Cez moved a hand up to rest it on your back like he wanted to keep you pressed up against him like this.

Moving his head up, he gently nibbled on your earlobe and received a gasp from you, your fingers tugging on his hair. “When your friend sent that text,” he answered, his voice deeper and sending a shiver down your back before he moved in to kiss you again. You moaned into his mouth, his hands slowly sliding beneath your long sleeve, fingers tickling your back.

You licked your bottom lip as he pulled away, eyes opening to find Shawn approaching. “And you managed to agree that you’re both down for it while I was in the bathroom for just a couple of minutes?” you grinned up to Cez while Shawn stepped up behind you.

Grasping the hem of your sweater, Shawn grinned as you didn’t hesitate to lift your arms up, allowing him to tug it off. Cez immediately moved his attention to your chest, your breasts perfectly spilling out of the cups of your bra. “Guess we’re both fucked for you,” Cez murmured and gave you a smirk.

Shawn slowly explored your back, his fingertips ghosting over your skin while your hips tilted back. A low growl rumbled in his chest behind you as your butt pushed against his crotch, Cez lightly toying with the straps of your bra and slowly brushing them off your shoulders.

Blue eyes looked down on you with a fond expression written in them as he noticed the blush on your cheeks. “Don’t be shy, darling,” he whispered and leaned in to place soft kisses over your jaw while his hands traced down your sides to curl around the side of your butt that was slowly grinding back, Shawn’s sinfully quiet whimpers sounding like heaven to your ears.

Cez backed off as Shawn tugged you back against his toned chest, big hands spread over your lower stomach to keep you in place as he gently bit your shoulder, the sound he received going straight south. “We’ll take good care of you tonight, honey,” Shawn promised in a whisper, the two of you watching Cez as he pulled the curtains shut to give you a sense of privacy from the world outside. You breathlessly gasped Shawn’s name as he slowly snuck his hand under your jeans before he hesitated, but the way you tilted your hips into his touch had him moving his hand fully down.

He grunted against your shoulder as a single finger dipped between your folds, your juices immediately coating his finger as he rubbed slow circles over your clit. Your knees buckled as you finally got some friction on your clit and your eyes heavy were lidded as you found Cez watching you with darkened eyes. You moved a hand back, Shawn’s deep groan filling the room just a moment later as you palmed him over his jeans, his cock straining against the denim.

“God, baby,” he murmured, wishing that your tight jeans would allow him to push his fingers into you and really feel you, “'got me so hard for you.”

Turning your head, you found his lips in a bit of an awkward angle, but neither of you really seemed to care as he greedily devoured your lips. It didn’t last as long as you had hoped for, instead you were interrupted when he moaned your name while you applied pressure on his tip through his jeans. “You two are quite the sight for sore eyes,” Cez’s voice reached you, your head turning back to find him sitting on the edge of the bed, palming himself over his jeans.

“See what you’re doing to us?” Shawn whispered into your ear, his teeth tugging on your earlobe while his finger moved over your clit just perfectly. You whimpered as he pulled his hand back, not even getting the chance to complain before he gave you a gentle push towards Cez who held a hand out to you.

Your head was still spinning a bit when you took his hand as soon as you were close enough, letting him tug you between his spread legs. “Can’t wait to get my mouth on you,” he murmured and placed a couple of small pecks along the waistband of your jeans, your mouth dropping open without a sound coming out. It only took a swift move from him to have you flopping down on the bed, laying flat on your back on the bed with your legs dangling off the edge. Crawling over you, he braced his hands on either side of you while he held himself up above you, his lips meeting yours over and over in kisses that gradually turned longer and hotter.

You inhaled deeply and tilted your head back as he trailed soft kisses down your neck, your hands in his hair as he kissed over the swell of your breasts. His hands were eagerly exploring your bare skin, your eyes fluttering open as the bed dipped under another weight beside you. Shawn gave you a soft smile- by now in nothing but his black skinny jeans with the white waistband of his boxers peeking out- while he tossed an entire Durex pack on the bed beside him.

You grinned while Cez chuckled against your stomach, his head lifting. “Got a long night planned?” he teased while he moved to kneel on the floor in front of the bed, right between your legs. You got hot and cold at the sight, squirming in anticipation as his fingers reached for the button of your jeans.

Shawn smirked and shrugged a shoulder. “You don’t?” he responded, not seeming to expect an answer as he turned to you. His features softened immediately, reaching out to brush your hair back while you lifted your hips off the bed to allow Cez to pull your jeans off. “You good, honey?” Shawn whispered and cupped a hand around the side of your face. You nodded, but before you could speak up you felt a broad tongue pushing against your clit with the fabric of your panties in between, a gasp falling from your lips while your back arched off the bed.

“Fuck, Cez,” you moaned, your head tilting down to look at him, but Shawn quickly turned your head back to him so he could capture your lips in a passionate kiss. You were overwhelmed in the best way, torn between concentrating on Shawn’s lips and his fingers that tickled on your chest or Cez’s mouth working wonders on you, even though he didn’t have full access to your core yet.

Reaching below yourself, you unclasped your bra and grinned as Shawn immediately helped you take it off before his mouth moved to your chest, lips wrapping around your nipple before he sucked on it. Cez guided your legs over his shoulders and simply pushed your panties aside before he dove back in, the feeling of his tongue on your clit and beard tickling on your skin with Shawn’s lips and tongue teasing your sensitive nipples leaving you a moaning and whimpering mess beneath them.

Tangling a hand into Shawn’s curls to tug on them, you reached your other hand down to find one of Cez’s, smiling as he immediately intertwined his fingers with yours and let you dig your nails into the back of his hand. “Fuck, you sound so beautiful,” Shawn murmured and moved up to kiss you again before he looked down, your gaze following his to where Cez’s face was buried between your legs, the sight alone already making your knees weak. “How does she taste?” Shawn murmured as Cez opened his eyes to find the two of you watching him.

You gasped and jerked in surprise as he playfully nibbled on your clit before he pulled back, his mouth glistening. “Have a taste,” he grinned. Shawn didn’t hesitate to lean down, his necklace bumping against your lower stomach and his fingers holding your panties aside as he licked through your folds, his low groan vibrating against your core and making you gasp his name.

Cez gently placed your feet on the floor so he could get up, his gaze on Shawn’s head moving between your thighs while he undressed, his sweater dropping to the floor first before his jeans followed. “Fuck, I gotta be the luckiest girl ever,” you sighed, Shawn’s head lifting as he chuckled before he placed a kiss on your hip and got up.

“You’re wrong. We’re the lucky ones here,” Cez replied while he dropped the last piece of clothing on the floor while Shawn fumbled to take his jeans off. You sat up as Cez approached you, a smirk playing on his lips. You were dying to get your mouth on him, but he sat down beside you at the foot of the bed before you could reach out to pull him closer. “Because we get to spend the night with such an incredibly beautiful girl,” he continued and guided you to straddle his lap, his hands exploring your legs on either side of him as soon as you settled on his thighs.

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you leaned in to kiss him and released a soft hum into his mouth as you tasted yourself on his tongue. Locking an arm around your hips, he tugged you closer and lightly bit your bottom lip as he had your clothed core pressed up against his throbbing cock, your hips immediately bucking to create a bit of friction.

Calloused fingertips traced over your back as Shawn stepped up behind you, goosebumps spreading over your arms as he slowly brushed your hair over your shoulders so it fell down your back in slightly messy curls. Lips disconnecting from Cez’s, you smiled as Shawn immediately curled a hand around your chin and tilted your head back so he could capture your lips in an upside down kiss.

Letting himself fall back so he laid flat on his back with his feet still touching the floor, Cez adjusted you on top of him and growled as his length pushed between your folds so the tip rubbed against your clit with your panties still in between. Your gasp interrupted the kiss just shortly before Shawn connected his lips to yours again, your hands bracing on Cez’s thighs behind you as you started to rock your hips, his shaft sliding back and forth against the fabric and giving both of you the perfect kind of friction.

Giving Shawn a smirk as he pulled back, you turned to Cez who had his eyebrows furrowed in pleasure with the way you were rolling your hips against him. Bending over him, you braced a hand beside his head and found his lips in a chaste kiss while you reached for the pack of condoms. Shawn licked his lips, his gaze eagerly trailing over your bare backside, hands caressing and squeezing your bum before his eyes focused on your hand that reached back to him, shiny square between two of your fingers.

Grinning widely, he took it and quickly ripped it open while you tangled your hands into Cez’s hair, his lips chasing yours while his hands had settled on your hips, guiding your movements. Though, your motions stopped completely and your head dropped to rest on his chest as Shawn pressed into you after simply pushing your panties aside, your walls stretching open around him and a whimper falling from your lips as he bottomed out in a smooth thrust.

_“Fuck,”_  Shawn’s moan filled the room, his blunt nails digging into your ass as he waited for you to adjust, only moving when you wriggled your hips against him.

You were limp and breathless, the position allowing him to thrust so deep that you were sure you’d be seeing stars soon while Cez’s hands combed through your hair in a calming way. Blue eyes met yours as you lifted your head, his lips curving into a soft smile while his hands cupped your cheeks. The feeling of Shawn’s length moving deep inside of you while Cez kissed you again had your mind spinning in the best way, your hips picking up their former movements.

You couldn’t remember ever having felt so overwhelmed before- you were torn between concentrating on Shawn inside of you and Cez grinding against you, both of them delivering the best kind of pleasure you had ever received. Breaking away from Cez’s lips, you braced a hand on his chest and reached the other one back, finding the back of Shawn’s neck and pulling him closer. His chest flattened against your back without stopping the motions of his hips, his lips touching the crook of your neck in sloppy kisses.

It was only a rather brief moment when you and Shawn both looked down on Cez with dark eyes, but he had to swallow heavily. Having both of you looking at him like that definitely shouldn’t turn him on as much as it did, he decided and placed his hands around your waist as he started to meet the movements of your hips while you turned your head to kiss Shawn again.

Shawn got quite vocal as he neared his high- his moans increased, beautiful quiet sounds falling from his lips while his head pushed against the side of your neck. His arms wrapped around your waist to keep you pressed up against him, still allowing you to grind against Cez while his thrusts quickened. Your name left his lips in a choked sound as he came, blunt nails scratching at your sides while he grunted against your neck, riding his high out with a few sloppy thrusts.

He knew you were close, so he clenched his jaw and tried to ignore how sensitive he was as he kept thrusting into you with slow movements of his hips while he mouthed at your neck.

Resting your cheek against Cez’s chest, you clawed at his sides and trembled on top of him before you came with a cry. Your high quite literally knocked the breath out of you, your legs quivering as you gasped and whimpered, the feeling of Cez slowly rocking his hips back and forth to create a gentle friction while Shawn gave you a few lazy thrusts had your mind reeling. Your walls clenching around his sensitive cock made Shawn groan, his grip on you tightening as he slowly pulled out of you.

Leaving a few soft kisses over your back, Shawn eventually stepped back, his presence behind you disappearing completely.

You only released a soft hum as Cez turned the two of you over so you laid on your back beneath him, relaxing into the mattress while he shifted around, the crinkling sound of the condom wrapper reaching you before it was ripped open.

You slowly forced your eyes open as he leaned over you, hands bracing on either side of your head and a smile spreading over his lips. Your hands were still trembling a bit as you reached up to cup his face, pulling him down into a kiss that he kept slow and chaste while you caught your breath. Your heartbeat slowly went back to normal- or at least as normal as it could get with such an attractive and naked man on top of you. “Please,” you mumbled between kisses.

He pulled back, his eyes caring as he gently brushed your hair back. “You sure, darling? I don’t mind if you need a break,” he whispered.

“Go easy on me?”

“Of course,” he smiled and stole another quick kiss from you before he sat up. You caught sight of Shawn across the room, still fully naked and spread out over the couch, his head tilted back and eyes closed while his chest was still moving a bit faster than normal. You had to grin, relieved that you weren’t the only one completely out of breath before your attention went back to Cez who guided your legs around his hips, your thighs resting over his. Your crotch was almost touching his, but yet he left a few inches between that had you squirming in an attempt to get closer, only giving up when he grasped onto your waist and held you in place. “Patience, baby,” he chuckled softly and slowly caressed his fingertips over your bare torso, goosebumps breaking out on your skin.

You reached down to grasp his knees on either side of your hips, your teeth digging into your bottom lip as you realized that you were in for lots of teasing- and yet you couldn’t help but feel excited.

He took his sweet time- his fingers exploring your soft skin, tracing along the curve of your boobs, but never actually touching you in the places you so desperately wanted him to. He noticed how you nibbled on your bottom lip and how your eyebrows furrowed in pleasure as he neared your nipples only to have frustration filling your features as his touch drifted down again. But deep down you loved it. And he knew it.

Your eyes fell shut as his fingers slowly and gently caressed your stomach, every now and then brushing along the waistband of your panties before he moved back again. He chuckled again as you lightly bucked your hips up whenever he neared your panties, though he never acted on it. And it wasn’t until you stopped that he finally moved a hand lower, your eyes opening to look at him as your breath hitched in your throat at the feeling of his fingers lightly brushing over your sensitive clit through the fabric. You moaned his name in need and lightly dug your nails into his knees, spreading your legs a bit more as he put just a little bit more pressure behind his actions.

“Shh, we’ll get there, darling. I promise,” he whispered and moved his free hand up to give your nipples minimal attention. You pressed your lips together and muffled a moan, glaring at him as he smirked. A whine left your lips as he immediately stopped, his hands leaving your body and your back immediately arching like you searched for his touch, your eyes frustrated. “Attitude won’t get you anywhere, baby,” he said, his voice not so soft anymore.

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you going to be good?”

You nodded and whispered a soft 'Yes’, a little sound escaping your lips as his hands returned to your body after a teasing pause. It was torturous, the way he barely touched you, his fingers so light on your skin. Your eyebrows furrowed, teeth harshly digging into your bottom lip as you forced yourself to stay silent instead of complaining.

So when he suddenly pushed his index finger down on your clit with just the perfect amount of pressure and friction with the fabric in between you couldn’t hold back the cry that left your lips, your hands tightly holding on to his thighs as your body squirmed against his hand. Moving his finger just a bit, he watched with satisfaction as your body reacted to the stimulation, your spine arching off the bed and chest heaving. “Please,” you begged once more.

“Please what?” he grinned and slowly took his hand away, your body slumping into the mattress as you swallowed back a whine.

“Let me come. Fuck me. Anything,” you begged, and if you weren’t so far gone and so frustrated you’d probably laugh at yourself for actually begging him.

“Which one, darling?” he asked and grasped the waistband of your soaked panties, slowly peeling the fabric off your legs as you looked up to him with pleading eyes.

“The first.”

Your eyes fell shut again as his fingers slowly circled around your clit, this time without any kind of fabric in between, teasing you for a moment before he put a little more pressure on and received a moan from you. You were so pretty, laid out and so willing, the sight of your hardened nipples having his mouth watering with desire to just lean down and devour your chest, but he didn’t. Not yet.

It didn’t take long for you to start squirming beneath him, your hips slowly moving to meet his actions as you neared your high, and you were so surprised that he let you that you didn’t put too much thought into it. Which, you deeply regretted as you were right on the brink, just needing one more perfectly placed rub of his fingers when he withdrew his hand, chuckling at the whimper he received.

_“Cez…”_

“I’ll let you come, I promise,” he smiled, leaning down to capture your lips in a tender kiss. He pushed your legs apart a bit more, his body shifting as he didn’t interrupt the kiss for a few more seconds before he slowly leaned back. A gasp left your lips at the feeling of the swollen crown of his cock pushing against your folds, stretching you open as he moved his hips forwards, his eyes staying locked on yours. Your eyes fluttered, but you forced them to stay open as he had his entire length buried inside you, stretching your walls and leaving you feeling satisfyingly full. His finger returned to your clit, your hands moving to grasp his shoulders as he gave the bundle of nerves a few skilled flicks before he had you coming undone beneath him, your walls clenching around his cock like you tried to pull him in deeper as your nails scratched at his skin, moans of his name spilling from your lips. He worked you through it, not stopping his motions on your clit while he slowly moved his hips back and forth to give you a little more friction, his eyes not leaving your face as he took in your blissed out expression.

And he knew when to pull his hand away, knowing that you’d get too sensitive if he continued like that now, instead moving so his body settled on top of yours while you slowly recovered, your eyes slowly focusing on him again. He gave you a soft smile that you returned a little weakly, your bones feeling heavy and spent as he leaned down to kiss you again. You cupped his face in trembling hands as he slowly moved his hips, pulling out just about halfway before he gently thrust back into you, knowing that you’d go into sensory overload if he’d start pounding into you now.

Pulling back, he braced his lower arms on either side of you as he looked at you with caring eyes, the head of his cock still slowly dragging back and forth along your walls. “You doing okay?” he whispered, turning his head to place a kiss on your palm as you let your thumb brush along his cheekbone. You nodded and gave him a small smile, his head dipping to your neck where he placed chaste kisses while keeping up the gentle pace of his hips moving against yours.

He kept his earlier promise- his thrusts were slow and gentle, patiently waiting until you gave him the sign to go faster while he placed soft kisses over your neck. “God, you feel so good,” he groaned against your neck, reaching down to guide one of your thighs over his hip before he picked up the pace, his fingers curling into the sheets on either side of you.

Your hands clawed and lightly scratched his back, your moans and whimpers filling the quiet room. You were still so sensitive from your previous orgasms and you knew that he wouldn’t be happy unless he got another one out of you.

A movement in the corner of your eye caught your attention, your gaze shifting over Cez’s shoulder to catch Shawn’s dark eyes staring right at you. His hand was wrapped around his already fully hard length again, giving himself some lazy pumps while a smirk played on his lips. The sight made you release a quiet moan that dragged into a whimper as Cez hit the perfect spot, your walls clenching around him and receiving a grunt from him.

You didn’t know how, but Cez just managed to hit all the right spots in all the right ways. It was like he knew exactly how to roll his hips to have you panting beneath him. But it wasn’t until he pushed an arm under your hips that you fully realized how he knew exactly what he was doing. Your back arched and you cried out as he hit your g-spot with every thrust, complete pleasure washing over you as you started to tremble.  _“Fuck,”_  you moaned, his teeth gently digging into your shoulder.

Lifting his head, he nibbled on your earlobe while your body squirmed beneath him. “Can you come like this for me?” he murmured, his voice deeper and raspy, the sound making you release a quiet moan.

Your gaze went over to Shawn again who gave you the most seductive smirk you had ever seen.  _'Come’_  he mouthed, biting his bottom lip as his thumb teased his sensitive tip. _'Come for us’_

You didn’t know what ended up pushing you over the edge- the sight of Shawn while he encouraged you to let go or Cez moving inside of you in all the right ways. Your nails dug into Cez’s shoulders and your eyes squeezed shut as you trembled beneath him, your walls squeezing around his length while you whimpered over and over.

He knew exactly when to slow down again, leaving small pecks over your neck as your head lolled back. And even with the change of pace it didn’t take him much longer to reach his high, his head pushing into the crook of your neck where he panted and groaned against your skin. His length heavily twitched against your walls while he jerkily thrust into you a few more times before he stilled.

Taking a deep breath, he slowly pulled out of you and placed several calming kisses over your jaw as you released a quiet whimper. Your eyelids were heavy as you looked up to him, his blue eyes satisfied and exhausted as he gave you a fond smile. “You did so well, darling,” he murmured, a smile tugging at the corner of your lips.

He helped you come down by combing his hands through your hair over and over while he left soft kisses all over your face, patiently waiting until your chest wasn’t heaving anymore and you completely relaxed beneath him. “Thank you,” you mumbled and gave him a lazy smile that made him grin.

Placing a soft kiss on your lips, he trailed a few more over your cheek until he reached your ear. “Why don’t you make our Rockstar feel good again? Hmm, baby?” Cez murmured, your breath hitching in your throat. “Can you do that for me?” he added, reaching over to get another condom that he placed in your palm.

You inhaled deeply before you found yourself nodding, his body rolling off of yours and allowing you to get up.

“Wish you had less of your so called experience and more of my stamina now, huh?” Shawn teased, only receiving an amused chuckle from Cez. Your knees were shaky as you approached him where he was lounging on the couch, a smirk on his lips as he let go of his cock and instead sat up. He relaxed back against the couch while his eyes eagerly trailed over your naked body. “Hi, beautiful,” he rasped, his hands reaching for you to grasp your hips as you threw a leg over him and straddled his thighs. Leaning in to capture his lips in a quick kiss, you gave him a grin before you sat back again and ripped the foil open. He sucked in a breath as he watched how you rolled the condom over his length before you shifted on top of him, his hands guiding you before he reached down to grip the base of his throbbing cock.

His eyes moved up to watch your reaction as you lowered yourself down on him, a moan falling from your lips and your head tilting back as he stretched you out once again, your sensitive walls gripping him. “Fuck, Shawn,” you whimpered, your nails digging into his abs.

His hands gently curled around yours, fingers weaving through yours and feeling you cling to them. “Shhh, take your time, honey,” he whispered, peppering soft kisses over your knuckles while you slowly rolled your hips against his. “No need to rush. I’m not going anywhere,” he murmured, smiling up to you as you stopped your movements and took a deep breath. “C'mere,” he breathed and tugged you closer, letting go of your hands to instead cup your face as he pulled you into a tender kiss. You relaxed on top of him, your chest flush against his with his length buried deep inside of you, occasionally lightly twitching against your walls.

Mid-kiss you slowly started to move your hips again, pushing yourself up just a bit before you lowered yourself down again, his moan muffled against your mouth. His hands moved down to cup your butt as he helped you move, but he didn’t rush you. He didn’t try to get you to move faster, instead let you go at your own pace, leaving soft kisses over your shoulders and neck once your lips disconnected from his.

He was so patient with you and you couldn’t express how thankful you were for that. Your entire body was exhausted but yet you wanted to make him feel good once more.

“Do you think you can give me another one, baby?” he whispered as he realized that his high was slowly approaching, a comforting hand rubbing over your back as you inhaled sharply. “It’s okay if you can’t,” he quickly added, knowing that your limits had been pushed immensely tonight.

“I’ll try,” you mumbled.

He grinned almost proudly. “That’s my girl.” The nickname made your heart skip a beat, but before you could dwell too much on it he dipped a hand between your legs. Your entire body jerked and you gasped his name as he circled two fingers over your clit. “Stop me if it gets too much.”

You took a deep breath and nodded, your hands on his shoulders as you continued to steadily roll your hips against his.

It didn’t take much for either of you to get close again- he was already so worked up from watching Cez getting you off. So he put more efforts into the patterns he rubbed over your clit, determined to get you to come before him this time. Your thighs immediately tensed up on either side of him while your body started to tremble, your grip on his shoulders tightening.

“I can’t,” you choked out and shook your head, your eyes heavy and full of desire.

“Come on, honey. I know you’re right there,” he encouraged you, your teeth tightly digging into your bottom lip and your eyes falling shut. It was more of a sob than a moan as you came around him, your whole body going limp as your walls wildly fluttered around him. You clung to him, arms wrapping around his neck and your quick pants right next to his ear.

Quickly twisting, he laid you down so he was on top of you, his weight crushing you in the best way as you wrapped your arms and legs around him while he delivered a few more forceful thrusts before he stilled completely. His arms clutched at your waist and his face was hidden in the crook of your neck as he whimpered against your skin, his length twitching deep inside of you. Your nails dug into his shoulders as you trembled beneath him, his hips jerking against yours a few more times while he rode out the last waves of his orgasm before he slumped on top of you.

Biting his bottom lip, he slowly pulled out of you and noticed how you tightened your legs around him like you wanted to keep him close. Smiling softly, he lifted his head and met your exhausted eyes. “You okay, honey?” he whispered, peppering a few chaste kisses over your forehead and temples. You swallowed heavily and nodded, your eyes falling shut as he found your lips in a couple of tender kisses before he pushed himself up. “Be right back,” he murmured, placing one last kiss on your forehead before he got up.

You felt completely drained and exhausted as you turned to lay on your side and closed your eyes, your legs pulling up to your chest that was heaving as you struggled to breathe. You tuned them out completely, barely aware of their low murmurs until a gentle hand placed on your back, a whimper falling from your lips. “Shhh.”

“Give her a minute to breathe,” Cez’s voice reached you, “it’s been a lot for her.”

“I just wanted to make sure she’s fine,” Shawn responded, his voice worried.

You swallowed heavily and took a deep breath. “I’m fine.”

“See? How would you feel if you just got fucked by two guys?”

“Probably very sore,” Shawn giggled, Cez’s chuckle following.

“You’re an idiot.”

It took you a few more minutes until you finally cracked your eyes open, finding the hotel room exactly how it was before. Clothes were still strewn all over the floor, the sheets on the bed were wrinkled and disheveled. The two of them were only in boxer briefs as they quietly talked, Shawn being the first one to catch your gaze. Giving you a soft smile, he approached you and quickly grabbed something hanging over one of the armchairs while you sat up. “Here, come on,” Shawn murmured, careful as he helped you into the T-shirt he had gotten from his suitcase earlier, his smell completely surrounding you and putting you at ease. You grinned widely as he pulled your hair out from under the collar and smoothed down the tangled strands.

“I can dress myself, you know?” you giggled, looking up to him with carefree and tired eyes.

A wide grin spread over his lips, his finger playfully nudging the tip of your nose and receiving a laugh from you. “And I like to spoil you, so deal with it.”

Cez approached, crouching down in front of you and giving you a fond smile. “You need anything, darling? I can run to your room and get you some stuff if you want me to.”

You shook your head. “I think I’ll be fine, thanks. I just need to regain any kind of feeling in my legs again,” you grinned and wiggled your toes a bit.

The smirk that spread over Shawn’s lips immediately let you know that he was up to no good. You squealed in surprise as he grabbed you and easily threw you over his shoulder, finding yourself facing his back. “Cez, help!” you laughed followed by a surprised gasp as Shawn playfully smacked your bum.  _“Shawn!”_

He only chuckled, his grip on your thighs secure as he crossed the hotel room and stepped into the bathroom where the light was still on. He was so careful as he set you down, only letting go of you once he was sure that you were steady on your feet. What he didn’t expect was that you would wrap your arms around his waist and cling to him, worry settling in his chest as he gently brushed his hands through your hair before he placed a kiss on your head. “You sure you’re doing okay, honey?” he whispered, keeping a hand on the back of your head while the other rubbed over your shoulders and down your back.

You didn’t respond for a long moment before you inhaled deeply, your eyelashes brushing his chest every time you blinked. He placed another kiss on your head as you nodded. “Just overwhelmed. Like, in a good way, but still overwhelmed.”

“Cez and I will help you calm down with cuddles after you’re finished in here, okay?” he murmured and gave you a soft smile as you tilted your head up to look at him. “You’re going to be okay until then?” he asked, worry lacing his voice.

“Absolutely.”

 

* * *

 

They were both in bed when you stepped out of the bathroom, Cez still sitting up and leaning against the headboard with his phone in his hands while Shawn was laying down, a hand behind his head while the two of them laughed at something. Both of their gazes found you, pretty similar gentle smiles spreading over their lips. Leaning a shoulder against the doorway, you crossed your arms in front of your chest and raised an eyebrow at them. “What are you two giggling about?”

They both grinned widely, Shawn’s gaze shamelessly trailing down your bare legs. “We were just saying how we should write your friend a thank-you card,” Cez explained while placing his phone on the beside table before he turned back to you.

“God, please don’t,” you responded with a chuckle, “she’ll never shut up about it if she ever hears about this.”

“Even more reason to write a card,” Shawn teased, giving you a wink as you glared at him. “Gonna come join us?” His voice had dropped to a murmur.

Cez patted the spot in the middle, right between them. “Got a spot saved for you. And I believe Shawn promised you cuddles.”

The temptation to just walk over to them and join them was so high, but you forced yourself to stay right where you were. You lightly bit your bottom lip as you hesitated, immediately seeing the way both of them got worried. Shawn sat up, the covers bunching around his hips as he looked at you with attentive eyes. “Are you guys sure that spending the night like this is a good idea?” you asked and uncrossed your arms to instead toy with the hem of the T-shirt.

“What’s the problem with it?” Shawn asked.

You shrugged and nibbled around on your bottom lip. “What if someone finds us like this in the morning?”

“The door is locked,” Cez reminded you. “And we’ll just make sure that no one sees us getting out of here when we sneak out in the morning” He added with a wink and a grin, actually managing to ease your worries. Your tense shoulders visibly relaxed as you nodded and took a deep breath. "So?” he asked and lifted the middle of the blanket as a silent invitation.

Smiling, you crossed the room and crawled on the bed, soon finding yourself between the two of them.

 

* * *

 

You woke up wrapped up in Cez’s arms, his chest pressed up against your back and quiet snores muffled into your hair. Opening your eyes, you faced the semi dark room. And Shawn’s eyes. He gave you a soft smile and took your hand into his as you reached out to him, fingers lacing through yours. “Go back to sleep,” he whispered so quietly that you barely heard him.

“Why are you awake?” you mumbled sleepily.

“Why are you?”

A grin spread over your lips. “Good point,” you giggled, Cez’s arms tightening around you as he released a soft sigh, but didn’t wake up. “You okay with everything that happened earlier?” you whispered, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “I mean, we’ve only talked about me being okay all the time. That was quite a new thing for you too.”

His features softened as he raised your tangled hands and placed a soft kiss on your knuckles. “To be really honest with you, I was also a bit scared that things would get weird. But we just can’t let it get weird,” he shrugged and grinned, “it’s really that simple.”

His eyelids fluttered and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips as you reached your free hand over to him, gently cupping the side of his face. “The world would be a so much easier place if everyone was a bit more like you,” you told him in a voice that was barely above a whisper, his eyes opening fully again as he looked at you with pure admiration written in his eyes. He gently squeezed your hand in return, his thumb slowly brushing back and forth. “Kiss me?”

He grinned as he shifted closer to you where you were still wrapped up in Cez’s embrace, Shawn’s soft lips finding yours in the dark. It was easy and gentle. No rush behind it. No intentions behind it.

 

* * *

 

A pair of arms wrapping around you woke you up for the second time that morning. He tugged you a bit closer to his comfortably warm body, letting you eagerly snuggle into his chest as he held you close. “I hate to say this, but you need to get up,” Shawn murmured, his voice still full of sleep and his arms that tightened around you bringing an entirely different message across.

“Five more minutes?” you mumbled, so close to drifting off to sleep again with his body wrapped around you like this.

You heard the bathroom door open before a quiet sigh followed. “Fuck, it’s so hard not to just get back into bed when I see you two like this,” Cez said.

You smiled into Shawn’s chest. “You’re the meanie who decided that it’s time to get up,” Shawn grumbled and tangled his legs with yours.

“I mean, you guys can stay like this if you don’t mind getting caught? Probably by Andrew?” Cez replied, sighing as the two of you stayed silent. Both of you whined as the covers were roughly yanked off your bodies just a moment later, your eyes opening to glare at Cez. “Don’t think that will work on me,” he grinned, reaching out to tickle your foot.

You immediately squirmed away with a giggle. “Okay, stop. I’ll get up,” you gave in, reluctantly detaching yourself from Shawn and stumbling into the bathroom. It didn’t take long for you to get dressed, finding yourself ready to go just minutes later.

“You stay here. I’ll make sure the coast is clear,” Cez told you, a giggle falling from your lips as you watched how he snuck out of the room.

Turning to Shawn, you grinned as he sat on the edge of the bed, still only in a pair of boxers and hair beyond ruffled. “Thanks for last night,” you mumbled and slowly stepped closer to him.

“Nuh-uh,” he shook his head and yawned, his arms reaching out to you and tugging you in between his spread legs, his forehead bumping against your stomach. “Thank you. For trusting both me and Cez like that,” he mumbled and sighed in content as you tangled your hands into his hair to gently scratch his scalp.

“'knew you’d be good to me,” you responded, his grin hidden against your stomach before he tilted his head up to look at you with slightly dazed and sleepy eyes. Your phone vibrated in your pocket, making you pull away from him. “That’s my sign. See you at the meeting later?”

“Of course,” he grinned, his eyes following you until you closed the door and disappeared out of sight.

Cez was waiting in an empty elevator for you, a foot shoved between the doors to keep them from closing and a big grin spreading over his lips. “Not going to lie, I expected that I would have to go back to drag you out of bed again,” he chuckled as you stepped into the elevator, the doors closing before it started moving down.

“Would you have punished me?” you teased and playfully bumped your shoulder against his as he released a breathy laugh.

Wrapping an arm around your shoulders, he planted a soft kiss on your temple before he placed his lips against your ear. “Don’t start something you won’t get to finish.” Right in that moment the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened with a ding, your heart beating a bit faster in your chest as you detached yourself from him so you could step out of the elevator, turning back to look at him. “See you later, darling.”

“Later,” you breathed, a grin playing on his lips as the doors closed again.


	2. Chapter 2

Weeks passed. Months passed. It was never mentioned again. No one found out about it. It really stayed your dirty little secret, much to your relief. The only thing that really changed was that they became even more protective of you. The second some guy approached you one of them immediately appeared out of nowhere, effectively cockblocking you.  _Every. Single. Time_. It drove you insane- and that’s what made it even more amusing to them.

Sometimes flirty little grins and winks were thrown back and forth between you, but that was it. Sometimes the casual and friendly touches lingered longer than strictly necessary, but they never turned suggestive. You never got the feeling either one of them was trying to initiate something. And you also never did.

Until Shawn did.

“Shawn,” you sighed, annoyance clear in your voice as you pinched the bridge of your nose. “Would you please just give me 5 more minutes of your undivided attention?” you pleaded, a huff escaping his lips as he focused on his MacBook again- you desperately hoped that he still had the document open you had sent him. “Listen, I’m not a fan of doing this either. But you were the one who promised me that we’d do this now instead of this morning because you wanted to sleep in.”

He sighed and stayed quiet, prompting you to continue going over his schedule with him. The frown on his face didn’t disappear, his jaw clenched which gave him a look like he couldn’t be any more bothered by your presence.

“And… that’s it,” you eventually finished after a couple more minutes.

“Finally,” he sighed and tilted his head back against the headrest of the armchair, not seeing the way you rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, you’re  _finally_ getting rid of me,” you muttered under your breath while grabbing your laptop and getting up.

But he heard it and quickly scrambled to get up while you were already on your way to the door, his hand wrapping around your wrist and gently tugging you back so you looked at him again. “You know that’s not- that’s not what I was trying to say.”

“But it doesn’t seem like you’re happy that I’m here either,” you shrugged, your gaze not meeting his as you nibbled on your bottom lip.

He inhaled deeply. “It’s actually the exact opposite of that,” he admitted, his heart racing in his chest.

“Shawn,” you sighed, not getting what he was trying to hint at as you looked up to him, “let’s face it. I know you pretty well by now after having been your PA for so long, yeah? And I can tell when you just want to be alone.”

“But I don’t,” he whispered and slowly stepped closer, his fingertips slowly tracing over your arms while he looked down on you with an expression in his eyes that had your heart skipping a beat. Your eyes widened as you finally got the hint.

You swallowed heavily. “You do remember that we swore it would stay a one time thing?” you reminded him, your voice nothing more than a whisper like you were scared that someone would hear you.

A small smirk tugged at the corner of his lips while he reached for your laptop, quickly placing it aside and you didn’t put up a fight. “Hmmm, but didn’t we just swear that the threesome would stay a one time thing?” he mumbled, a coy smile playing on his lips. “No one ever said anything about some nice one on one time, right?” he added in a low and raspy murmur while he leaned down to you, his lips peppering tender and yet teasing kisses over your neck.

You gasped, the feeling of his lips on your skin bringing back so many memories of that night. You were limp in his arms as he wrapped them around you and tugged you closer. “Shawn… You know you can’t get attached to me, right?”

“Mmmm, I know,” he cooed and gently nibbled on your earlobe while his hands started to roam your back, “we’re just having a bit of fun, honey. You can’t tell me that you’ve gotten any since that night.”

You didn’t want to admit it, but having his hands on you in a simple way like this already drove you insane. Swallowing heavily, you bit your bottom lip and forced yourself not to get distracted by his touches. “It’s not like I had a chance with all the cockblocking you and Cez did these last few weeks,” you complained, his low chuckle filling the room.

Placing a kiss right below your earlobe, he let his lips linger before they curved into a grin. “Can you blame us for not wanting to share you with some random guy who could never make you feel as good as we did?” he rasped against your ear, sending a chill down your spine while you reached up to grasp his upper arms like you needed to stabilize yourself.

“That’s very cocky of you,” you mumbled, the tip of his nose playfully rubbing against yours as he rested his forehead against yours.

His hands moved up to cup your face, one of his thumbs catching your bottom lip and lightly tugging on it. “Tell me it’s not true,” he breathed, tilting his head to pepper soft little pecks over your cheeks and along your jaw. Your nails lightly dug into his upper arms while you stayed quiet, a rush of confidence filling his chest. “Tell me, honey,” he whispered and found the sensitive spot on your neck where he started to suck on your skin. The thought of leaving a mark behind that the entire team would see tomorrow was way too tempting to pass on.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, your fingers tangling into his hair while his hands moved down to your waist again, keeping you flush against him. “Shawn…”

The desire in your voice had his blood rushing south immediately, his teeth lightly digging into your neck and drawing a hiss from you while your spine arched under his fingers. “Tell me you want this,” he whispered against your skin, a hickey visible right where his lips still touched your neck, “tell me you also haven’t been able to forget about that night.” He bit his bottom lip as he swallowed heavily, his head lifting to look at you with blown eyes. “Tell me you also haven’t been able to forget about the kiss we shared.”

You knew exactly what kiss he was talking about. The very first kiss of the many that had followed in the early morning hours, when Cez had been soundly asleep behind you as Shawn’s lips had found yours. The gentle touch of his soft and slightly wet lips against yours, his fingertips just lightly touching your jaw while his tongue had slowly brushed past your lips for just a quick moment.

Your eyes fell shut. “I can’t forget about it,” you admitted in a quiet whisper, your breath hitching in your throat as he placed the lightest kiss on the corner of your mouth.

“Look at me, honey,” he murmured, his lips ghosting over yours. You didn’t even hesitate to open your eyes, looking up into the brown eyes that held the same lust they had that night. “Do you? Do you still think about it?”

You knew you couldn’t deny it. Shawn knew you too well and he was scarily good at reading you like an open book. Also, you knew that he would’ve never started any of this if he wasn’t absolutely confident about it. “Yes,” you breathed, your eyes falling closed again as he finally captured your lips in a tender kiss. You gasped against his lips and arched your back, his hands squeezing your waist before he wrapped his arms around you in a tight embrace.

You didn’t even gasp in surprise as he gently pushed you backwards and made you stumble, knowing exactly that he would always be there to catch you. His tongue eagerly explored your mouth as he blindly guided you over to the bed, taking a few uncoordinated steps through the room before he reached down to grasp the back of your thighs. Your lips disconnected as he lifted you off the ground in a swift move, your legs automatically wrapping around his waist while your head tilted down to kiss along his neck.

“God, baby,” he mumbled, his knees digging into the mattress as he crawled on the bed and bent over to carefully lay you down. The way you looked up to him with those dark eyes after he had carefully laid you down on the bed had him swallowing heavily, the realization that he had you all to himself this time making him more excited than it should. “Do you even know how desperate I am for you?” he groaned quietly.

The way you mischievously grinned at him made his length twitch, keeping one hand in his hair while the other slowly traced down his chest, the feeling of your nails through the fabric of his T-shirt giving him goosebumps. “How desperate?” you whispered, a challenging expression written in your eyes.

Bracing a hand beside your head, he kept his eyes on you as he blindly reached for your hand on his stomach to slowly guide it further down, seeing the way your eyes filled with excitement and having to hold back a grin himself. You bit your bottom lip as he brought your hand to a stop on his crotch, his eyelids fluttering as you immediately palmed his hard cock through his jeans. “How desperate?” he repeated, his voice cracking for a short moment as you applied the perfect amount of pressure. “So desperate that I haven’t been able to forget about you since that night,” he murmured, his heart skipping a beat as you moved to unbutton and unzip his jeans. “So fucking desperate that I actually caught myself moaning your name when I jerked off. Every single time,” he told you, grinning as you released a quiet whimper. The feeling of your hand shoving under his jeans to tease him over his boxers instead had him momentarily distracted. “It’s so hard to forget how good you felt,” he murmured with a quiet groan, his hips bucking into your touch.

He wanted to chuckle as you pulled your hand out from under his jeans to quickly tug his T-shirt off, your fingers immediately eagerly exploring his bare skin.

Straightening his spine so he kneeled between your legs, he watched with darkened eyes as you sat up and pushed the waistband of his jeans and boxers down with a seductive grin on your lips. He tightly bit his bottom lip as his length sprung free and you immediately wrapped your hand around his base, giving him no warning before you already leaned in. His loud groan filled the hotel room as your lips wrapped around his flushed tip, collecting the drop of precum by brushing your tongue over his slit before you took him in deeper. “Oh my-  _fuck, baby,”_  he whimpered and gently brushed your hair back, cupping the side of your head as you pulled back to pay more attention to his sensitive tip.

His head tilted back and his eyes fell closed as he completely concentrated on the way you used your mouth just perfectly on him, somehow knowing all the spots to lick to drive him absolutely insane. Moving a hand to cup the back of your head, he didn’t have any intentions with the motion, but apparently it was a sign for you.

He immediately noticed the way you put your hands on his thighs and how you parted your lips a bit more around him. Looking down on you, he met your blown eyes as you patiently waited while he hesitated. His breath hitched in his throat as he slowly moved his hips forward, your throat relaxing around him and taking him deeper until your nose touched the perfectly trimmed pubic hair. He mumbled your name under his breath over and over as he slowly started to fuck your mouth, his eyes stuck on you, complete fascination written in them. “Fuck, you’re so good to me,” he sighed, his fingers tangling into your hair at the back of your head.

He was so captivated watching you take all of him that he barely noticed his high approaching until it was almost too late. “Okay, fuck. Stop,” he chuckled breathlessly and reluctantly pulled his hips back, immediately missing the warmth of your mouth around him. The way you looked up to him with slightly watery eyes and wet lips made him want to just thrust back into your mouth, but he forced himself to sit back on his heels.

His hands gently combed through your hair while you brought your hand up to wipe the spit off your chin, a grin spreading over both of your faces. “Next time I want to finish that,” you told him. His heart skipped a beat at the thought that you actually wanted to do this again, his features softening as he looked at you with fond eyes. But then you shook your head. “Oh no, Mendes. Don’t go all Bambi eyes on me now.”

He chuckled, slowly nodding his head as he got up. “Noted,” he grinned and stepped over to the suitcase to quickly dig a condom out of one of the inside pockets before he approached the bed again. Tossing the little square on the mattress beside you, he watched as you pulled your T-shirt off while he pushed his jeans and boxers off and kicked them aside.

Letting yourself fall back so you laid flat on your back, you undid your jeans and wriggled out of them while he grabbed the bottom of them and swiftly tugged the denim off your legs. “This,” he murmured while he crawled back above you, a finger hooking into the waistband of your thong that matched to your bra, “looks stunning on you.”

A blush spread over your cheeks, your hands reaching for him as he settled above you and nudged your legs apart with his knees. His lips met yours in a soft kiss that turned passionate within seconds, his hands slowly tracing over your thighs before he guided them around his hips. You smiled into the kiss as you lightly lifted your hips off the bed so you rubbed your core against his rock hard length and felt one of his palms immediately cup your butt like he wanted to help you.

You released a contented sigh as he pulled back to instead kiss down your neck to your chest, your hands in his hair again as he kissed down the valley between your breasts while he brought a hand between your legs. The way he rubbed your clit through the fabric had you quietly moaning his name, a groan rumbling in his chest as he noticed that you had soaked through your thong already. “Mmmmh, Shawn,” you hummed and rocked your hips against his hand, feeling the way he smiled against your chest.

He was so much smoother than you had expected as he took your thong off, his lips finding yours again while his fingers started to slowly explore. You moaned into his mouth as the pad of his finger touched your clit in such a light touch that you would’ve never expected that it would feel good, but it made you tremble beneath him. And you couldn’t stop yourself from harshly tugging on his hair as he slowly pushed two of his fingers into you, his lips disconnecting from yours as he gasped while you squirmed beneath him, your back arching off the bed.

His head dipped down to place a trail of soft kisses down your chest again, over your stomach before your eyes widened and you scrambled to tug him back up, his fingers moving inside of you in the most sensual and perfect way you had ever experienced. “What’s wrong?” he breathed and looked down on you with concerned eyes, already about to pull his fingers out of you as you gave him a warm smile.

“Nothing. Everything is perfect. But I’ll come in less than a minute if you go down on me now,” you told him, a grin spreading over his lips that got even bigger as he crooked his fingers and got a gasp from you.

“That sounds like a challenge I should accept,” he chuckled, but he could see that you were silently begging him to continue instead. Finding your lips in a few more kisses, he kept moving his fingers in all the right ways before he slowly pulled them out. “You really want this?” he whispered and leaned his forehead against yours, a smile spreading over your lips as you moved your hands from his hair to instead cup his face.

Tilting your head, you captured his lips in a kiss that he didn’t hesitate to return, letting you take the lead as you slowly licked into his mouth while his hands started to trace over your sides. “I really want this,” you told him, your voice barely above a whisper.

Placing a few more kisses over your jaw, he slowly hooked a finger around the clasp at the front of your bra between the cups. “Made it easy for me, baby?” he grinned and fumbled with the clasp for a second- his cheeks turning rosy immediately- before he got it undone. You wanted to tease him for it, but you kept your mouth shut as he tugged the bra off your body, an expression on his face like Christmas had come around earlier this year.

His gaze just briefly met yours before he leaned down, placing two or three kisses over your boobs before he opened his mouth against your skin- just to blow a raspberry on your chest. “Shawn!” you laughed and squirmed beneath him, your hands tugging on his hair as you tried to pull him back, “you’re such a child!”

“I’m sorry,” he giggled, “it was way too tempting not to do it.”

You raised an eyebrow at him “You’re not sorry at all.”

“You’re right. That was a lie. I’m not,” he responded with a shrug and a sheepish grin, his hands settling on your sides as he looked down on you with loving and carefree eyes. “Did I ruin the mood with that?”

“Maybe just a little,” you grinned. “But you could always try to bring the mood back.”

Biting his bottom lip to hold back the smirk, he reached over to the side to grasp the condom, wasting no time to rip the wrapper open and getting it out before he skillfully rolled it over himself. His chest pressed against yours as he leaned over you, his lips finding yours again. You weren’t sure if it was possible to get addicted to kisses, but if it was, then you could totally see yourself getting addicted to his. And of course he managed to bring the mood back in no time by simply kissing you, your hands soon greedily grasping at his waist as you tried to somehow give him the signal to get on with it without having to stop kissing him.

He reached for your hands, his fingers lacing through yours while he stretched your arms up, resting your intertwined hands on the pillow while he shifted, your surprised moan muffled into his mouth as his cock pushed against your clit. His hips slowly moved so his length slid back and forth between your folds, your hands squeezing his as he gave you a perfect friction against your clit.

It only took a shift of his hips and a little tilt of yours for him to easily slide into you, his lips pulling away from yours to instead rest them against your jaw where he panted against your skin while slowly pushing in deeper. You quietly moaned his name and dug your nails into the back of his hands as he let you feel every inch of himself, your heaving chest arching and your legs spreading further apart. He squeezed your hands as his hips bumped against yours and he stopped moving, reveling in the way your walls hugged him so perfectly.

Moving to rest his forehead against yours, he took a deep breath, his eyes closed. “Did you miss me?” he whispered and slowly forced his eyes open to meet your dilated ones. It wasn’t cocky. The longing written in his eyes was a clear sign that he had missed you like this.

You didn’t hesitate to nod. “So much,” you breathed and let your eyes fall closed as he slowly pulled back.

He stopped with only his tip still inside of you and placed two soft kisses on your cheek. “Look at me, baby,” he whispered, “please look at me.”

He didn’t need to wait for long before you opened your eyes again. The way pure pleasure filled your features as he moved back into you with a smooth thrust was something he never wanted to forget again, so convinced that this would be the only thing he would think of while getting off for probably a long time. “Fuck, Shawn,” you whimpered and shifted your hips beneath him, creating a better angle that allowed him to thrust just a bit deeper into you.

As much as he wanted to pound you into the mattress and have you screaming his name, he forced himself to take this slow. He had sworn to himself- a couple of days after the threesome when he had found himself all alone in his hotel room with his hand wrapped around himself- that he would take his time with you if he ever got the chance to have you like this again. And that was exactly what he did.

The atmosphere in the room was sensual as he made sweet love to you, both your and his moans and whimpers quiet like you were scared of ruining the mood by making a too loud sound. But you didn’t feel like you needed to cry out his name for him to know that you were absolutely enjoying this. He knew.

It took a long time for you to come, but when you did it was drawn-out. The way he continued with the gentle and deep thrusts had you clenching around him over and over again while you whimpered his name so many times, the feeling combined with the sounds you made pushing him so much closer to his orgasm.

His hands squeezed yours and his face pushed against the side of your neck as he reached his high, his thrusts turning a bit sloppy as he quietly moaned before he stilled deep inside of you, his length twitching a few more times. He slowly relaxed on top of you with a deep sigh and moved his hips to pull out of you, his head lifting to look at you.

Your cheeks were beautifully flushed and your chest was moving with the quick breaths that left your parted lips, a small smile spreading over your lips as you met his satisfied and slightly exhausted eyes. Leaning in, he captured your lips in a chaste kiss while he released your hands, your arms immediately moving to wrap around his neck. A hand placed on the back of his head while the other held on to his shoulder, neither of you ready to pop the afterglow bubble yet.

But eventually the sticky condom clinging to his softening length became a little bit too uncomfortable. Pulling away from you, he placed another soft kiss on your jaw before he pushed himself up on shaky arms and climbed off the bed, leaving an unwanted cold behind.

He was back within seconds though, quickly joining you again and laying down beside you, pulling your relaxed body against his while he kissed you again. And again. And again.

You knew that all of this was dangerous territory, but at the same time you felt so safe and content wrapped up in his arms while he stole soft kisses from you that you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away to get dressed and leave. “Stay with me tonight?” he whispered between kisses.

You knew you shouldn’t. But you also knew that you couldn’t forgive yourself for the heartbroken look in his eyes if you left.


	3. Chapter 3

The quiet knock on the door had you sighing while you considered to just ignore it. You wanted nothing more than to be left alone for the rest of the night. But you went over to the door anyway and stretched up to look through the peephole, finding Shawn and Cez patiently waiting in the hallway. You bit your lip and rested your forehead against the cool surface of the door. You would never admit that seeing them actually improved your mood a bit.

You had been in a weird mood all day long, everyone had noticed that. But no one had really questioned it- the usual time of homesickness had arrived. It always started a couple of weeks into the tour, when the excitement of being on the road had slowly started to fade and things settled into place. That was when a wave of homesickness washed over every single member of the team, but- and you thanked your lucky stars for that every night- you were all so close with each other that no one suffered for too long.

Lifting your head, you took a deep breath before you opened the door and immediately came face to face with two bright smiles that made your chest feel a little less tight. You ran a hand through your hair and leaned against the opened door. “Guys-”

“Before you shut us out, please listen,” Cez interrupted you in a gentle voice while Shawn took in your more than adorable appearance- your torso was swallowed by an oversized hoodie, your booty shorts barely peeking out from underneath. And your face was completely free of any makeup, much to his delight.

The way you stayed silent and simply blinked at them prompted Shawn to hold up the little box in his hands with a giant grin on his face. “We got cookies!”

A small smile tugged at the corner of your lips before it turned into a breathy laugh. “You’re ridiculous,” you sighed and stepped aside to let them in, Cez leaving a quick peck on your temple as he stepped past you. “I’m really not the best company tonight, guys. Just in case you haven’t noticed it already.”

“That’s exactly why we’re here” Cez said and gave you a smile as you turned to look at them after closing the door. “You think we don’t notice that you’re not sleeping?” he asked and stepped close enough to cup the side of your face in his hand, very carefully brushing his thumb over the dark shadow under your eye.

A little smile spread over your lips at the gentle touch. “Are the cookies drugged with sleeping pills?”

“No,” Shawn laughed while Cez grinned and- much to your disappointment- let go of you again. “You know, we figured, you seemed to have been able to sleep very well  _the other night_. So why not have a sleepover and help you sleep?” Shawn explained with an almost proud grin.

“Yeah, well, honestly? I think the fact that I slept so well that night had more to do with the fact that you made me come 4 times and I was so physically exhausted from that,” you said and blushed a bit, your arms crossing in front of your chest.

“Well…” Shawn started with a suggestive grin.

You knew he wasn’t serious, but something inside of you snapped. “Not even in your wildest dreams,” you hissed.

His eyes widened for a moment. _“O-kay,”_  he mumbled.

Your heart dropped immediately as tears started to gather in your eyes. “I’m sorry,” you whispered and sat down on the edge of the bed, hiding your face in your hands, “I didn’t want to snap at you. I’m just so tired.”

The bed dipped under another weight right beside you, his thigh pressing up against yours while he wrapped you up in his arms. “Hey, shhh. It’s okay,” Shawn whispered and placed a kiss on the side of your head before he guided your head into the crook of his neck. Your hands fell to helplessly rest on your lap as you blinked back the tears, so determined not to cry in front of them. But the way he soothingly rubbed his hand over your back while he kept his other hand on the side of your head to hold you close to him made it really hard for you to not just start sobbing right there. “You don’t always have to be the strong one, you know?” he murmured.

You nodded and met Cez’s worried gaze as he crouched down in front of you, his hands reaching for yours and holding them in a delicate touch. “You don’t have to hide from us if you’re not feeling okay. We’re here to help,” Cez said and placed a soft kiss on your knuckles, “as long as you let us try to help.”

Biting your trembling bottom lip, you nodded again and let your eyes fall closed as Shawn tangled his hands into your hair and slowly brushed his thumb back and forth. “What’s the plan?” you whispered.

Placing a kiss on your head, Shawn let his lips linger for a few seconds. “We got the day off tomorrow,” he reminded you. “Which means we get to sleep in. And sleeping in is so much better if you have someone who cuddles you, right?” Shawn asked in a low and calming murmur, an immediate smile spreading over your lips that made Cez grin, too.

“And it also won’t matter if we’re still watching movies at 4 in the morning because you can’t fall asleep,” Cez added and gently squeezed your hand.

Opening your eyes again, you squeezed his hand in return while you tilted your head to push a bit more against Shawn’s neck. “You guys really are the best.”

“So, how about you get comfy while we get Netflix started on the TV?” Shawn suggested and rubbed his hand over your upper arm, giving you a fond smile as you lifted your head.

You couldn’t hold back the soft giggle, seeing both of them grin in return. “What about this-” you pointed down on your more than comfortable outfit, “doesn’t look comfy to you?”

“You’re right. My bad,” he chuckled and placed a kiss on your forehead before he got up to search for the remote.

Cez gave you a comforting smile and placed another kiss on your knuckles. “You okay with us staying the night?” he whispered, his lips brushing the back of your hand.

You didn’t hesitate to nod and give him a genuine smile. “Absolutely,” you whispered while he left a soft kiss on your temple as he got up from his crouched position.

You moved to lean back against the headboard in the middle of the king sized bed, your heart skipping a beat and a strong feeling of affection filling your chest as you found your all time favorite movie paused on Netflix. You had no idea how Shawn knew that it was your favorite. You definitely didn’t remember ever telling him. Cez settled down on your right, also leaning against the headboard like you did. His arm raised, letting you lean into his side while he wrapped his arm around you and held you close.

You grinned as Shawn clumsily kicked his shoes off before he quickly crawled on the bed, tossing you the remote after unpausing the movie. He laid down on your left, his tall body curving against yours while his head came to rest on your stomach. Arms tightly wrapping around your middle, he released a low hum of content as you tangled a hand into his curly hair to gently scratch his scalp.

One movie turned into two, which turned into three. Sometime during the third one you found yourself getting sleepy, your eyelids heavy. So you closed them and leaned your head against Cez’s shoulder, knowing exactly that they would move you into a more comfortable position and tuck you in as soon as they were sure that you were completely out. In your half asleep state you realized how thankful you were for these two guys and that the night hadn’t changed things between you too much. You had been so scared that you wouldn’t be able to hang out like this anymore without feeling the pressure of turning it into something more.

 

* * *

 

You weren’t in bed as Cez woke up sometime in the middle of the night, an immediate feeling of panic filling his chest as he quickly sat up. The door to the bathroom was closed, but he could see that the light was on through the tiny gap at the bottom of the door. Running a hand through his hair, he looked to his left to find Shawn peacefully sleeping before he turned to look out of the window, the curtains left wide open and letting the moonlight shine into the room.

He got worried as two minutes of waiting for you to return to bed turned into five, finally carefully crawling out of bed and hoping that at least Shawn would stay asleep. He tip toed through the dark room, only becoming aware of the muffled sniffles as soon as he was right in front of the bathroom door. “Darling?” he murmured and very quietly knocked on the door, immediate silence following. Frowning, he hesitated for a long moment before he pushed the door handle down and slowly opened the door, giving you enough time to stop him.

He found you sitting on the cold tiles with your back leaning against the vanity, your eyes red rimmed and cheeks wet. You gave him a rather pathetic little smile as he stepped into the bathroom and quietly closed the door before he approached you, crouching down in front of you and looking at you with concerned eyes.

“I don’t even know why I’m crying,” you muttered and angrily brushed the tears away with the sleeves of your hoodie. He didn’t say a word, simply picked you up off the cold floor and instead sat you down beside the sink, standing between your legs while he pulled you into his chest.

The way he wrapped you up in his arms and cradled you close to his firm body made you feel so comforted and yet you couldn’t stop yourself from sobbing, your arms tightly wrapping around his neck and clinging to him. “It’s okay. I’m right here,” he whispered and held you as close as possible to himself. He murmured calming things into your ear and simply rubbed his hands over your back and combed them through your hair while he let you cry into his shoulder, patiently waiting until your quiet sobs turned into sniffles before you went silent.

He had a hand under your hoodie, his flat palm resting on your lower back while the other was placed on the back of your head, still holding you close long after you stopped trembling in his arms. He gave you a gentle smile as you pulled back, his eyes still full of worry. Before you could attempt to do anything he reached up, gently cupping your face in his hands and brushing the tears away with his thumbs. “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “There’s nothing you have to be sorry for,” he told you and gave you a loving smile as you bit your trembling bottom lip, “Shawn was right earlier tonight, you know? You don’t always have to be the strong one. And it’s okay to just cry and let it out even if you don’t know why exactly you’re crying.” His words made you relax, a soft giggle falling from your lips as he tapped the tip of your nose with his finger. "You know that bottling it all up doesn’t help one bit.”

You nodded with a little smile and eagerly moved back into his embrace as he pulled you in once again, leaving a lingering kiss on your temple before he let you push your head into the crook of his neck. “Thank you, Cez,” you whispered and placed your hand on the back of his neck.

“I can’t believe you’re just sneaking off to cry in the bathroom when you got both of us out there to hug and comfort you,” He sighed and shook his head.

You pulled back just enough to look at him. “You were both sleeping,” you defended yourself, barely noticing that he rested a hand on your bare thigh while he chuckled.

“And you think we would be mad if you woke us because you’re not okay?”

You shrugged and moved your hands to rest them on his shoulders, both of his hands on your hips below your hoodie by now. You had always loved how unapologetically touchy both Cez and Shawn were. "Well, I mean, everyone knows how cranky Shawn can get if you wake him too early,” you responded with a giggle.

He laughed quietly. “But that’s only in the mornings. That kid adores you to death. He could never get cranky if you wake him because you need a shoulder to cry on,” he reminded you- and it was so true. You shrugged and lightly bit your bottom lip, not sure what to respond. “Want to head back to bed? We could catch a few more hours of sleep,” he suggested, an immediate smile spreading over your lips as you nodded. He stepped back and reached for your hands to help you off the vanity- your cheeks blushing a bit at the sweet gesture- before he slowly opened the door and looked into the dark room. “Still sleeping,” he whispered and beckoned you to follow him, the two of you quietly and carefully making your way back to bed after turning the light in the bathroom off.


	4. Chapter 4

The bed dipped as another body moved around, slowly pulling you to reality. Blinking your eyes open, you barely caught sight of Cez climbing out of bed before your heavy eyelids fell shut again. “Where you goin’?” you mumbled sleepily. Shawn shifted behind you, releasing a low hum while his arms wrapped around you.

“I’m off to the gym. Sleep some more,” Cez whispered and placed a soft kiss on your cheek.

“Wait,” you mumbled and blindly reached a hand out, forcing your eyes open as his warm hand engulfed yours.

“What is it?” he asked quietly and gently brushed your hair back. He chuckled softly as you puckered your lips and sleepily blinked at him, only hesitating for a brief moment before he leaned down and placed a tender peck on your lips. It felt right in that moment. After the whole bathroom incident in the early morning hours you felt so much closer to him than before. It wasn’t until much later- and two coffees in your system by then- that you noticed how weird that move was. Not a single kiss had been exchanged all night long and yet here you were, begging for one for no apparent reason. “Sleep, darling,” he told you again and gently squeezed your hand before he got up, his warmth disappearing.

You shifted back into Shawn’s embrace with a soft sigh and closed your eyes again, his arms immediately tightening around you and pulling you as close as possible against his chest. A tiny part of your brain was screaming at you for staying in bed like this- with  _Shawn_ , who was technically your  _boss_ \- but the bigger part of your brain was just so content that you managed to ignore it.

You slipped in and out of consciousness while Cez quietly rustled around, at some point hearing the door gently shutting before silence settled in the room. You knew that Shawn was also dozing off a few times by the way his grip around you loosened before it would tighten a few minutes later again.

He inhaled deeply as you turned around to him, your head perfectly fitting into the crook of his neck while he tangled his legs with yours and pushed a hand under your hoodie. How you had survived the night wearing a hoodie while being squeezed in between two guys who radiated an insane amount of body heat, you really had no idea. “Good?” he mumbled into your hair, his touch so light on your back that it tickled a bit.

“Mmmmh, too good,” you hummed, receiving a soft giggle from him before comfortable silence settled between you again. His fingers slowly trailed over your bare back while drawing random shapes. It took you a while to notice that he had started tracing letters on your skin and even longer to make out a word.

_Boobs_

“You’re such an idiot,” you chuckled, his grin hidden against your hair.

“Shhh, that was just the test run,” he murmured and rubbed the tip of his nose along your hairline, “to make sure that you"re paying attention.”

You rolled your eyes behind closed eyelids and chuckled, but you were more than surprised as he continued tracing letters on your skin.

_Beautiful_

_Funny_

“Did you sleep well?” he murmured, his voice deeper than usually and a bit raspy- the sound went straight to your core, your walls clenching like your body was aching to feel him deep inside of you again.

_Incredible_

You weren’t sure if he had noticed your and Cez’s absence early in the morning. “Very. I guess you were right with your theory after all,” you told him.

_Unique_

His chuckle was sleepy before he placed a little kiss on your head that had your chest filling with a feeling of affection.

_Amazing_

_Smart_

You quickly realized that he wrote words he usually used to describe you, your heart starting to beat just a bit faster as you concentrated even more on his gentle touches. You had never expected that someone could turn you on this much with a simple action like this and yet here you were, your core throbbing in need.

_Stunning_

_Generous_

_Breathtaking_

_Lovely_

_Sexy_

_So_

_Fucking_

_Sexy_

You slowly moved your leg higher up to wrap it around his hip, your legs curling on the back of his thighs as you tugged him closer while he shifted. His hard length that was trapped under his boxers pushed against your clothed core, a feeling of excitement rushing through your veins. He released a sharp breath and moved his hand to rest it on your lower back while he slowly rolled his hips forward. His fingers lightly dug into your skin as you quietly whimpered against his neck and shifted like you wanted to mirror the movement, but the position didn’t allow you to.

_“Shawn-”_

“I got you, baby,” he cooed, the tip of his nose nudging against your forehead and prompting you to lift your head to look up to him. His lips immediately found yours, your leg around his hip tightening as you parted your lips against his and allowed him to deepen the kiss. One of his hands pushed under your booty shorts and panties to cup your butt, keeping you in place as he rolled his hips against yours again. The way you moaned into his mouth had him groaning in return, his hips pressing against yours a bit harder.

He wanted nothing more than to have another session of sweet love making with you- the simple thought that he once again got you all to himself made him feel so giddy already while he wondered if your feelings for him had also changed and gotten a lot stronger over the last few weeks- but he could sense that you were desperate and needy.

It was like you read his mind as you pulled away from his lips and turned around again. He immediately pulled you back against his chest, keeping every inch of you pressed against him. One of his hands slowly traced over your thigh, fingertips tickling the bare skin and making you squirm against him before his hand moved higher up to rub you through your clothes.

It didn’t take long for you to release a little huff before you shifted to wriggle out of your shorts and panties, making him grin before he followed your example by taking his boxer briefs off. Neither of you bothered to take your hoodie or his T-shirt off- especially not when you moved your butt back against him.

“Honey-” he choked out as his tip pushed between your slick folds, barely entering you an inch. But instead of pulling back like he knew he should he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer so you were flush against him again, his length throbbing against your core.

“’s okay,” you breathed. “I’m on birth control. And clean,” you quickly added and let your eyes fall closed as he lightly bit your neck while a quiet whimper left his lips.

“You sure?” he mumbled, his heart racing at the mere thought of getting to feel you like this, with no-

“Absolutely,” you nodded.

He tightened his arms around you as he slowly pushed deeper into you, unable to hold back the low sounds that he muffled against your shoulder. “You feel so good,” he whimpered as he was buried as deep as possible, his blunt nails lightly scratching at your skin while his chest moved rather quickly against your back. His next words took you by complete surprise.  _“Fuck,_  I would’ve loved to see two of my loads dripping out of you,” he groaned, his voice rumbling deep within his chest and vibrating against your back.

You whimpered and clawed at his lower arms, your eyes squeezing shut and your walls clenching around him.

He chuckled, his lips resting against your ear while he slowly started to move his hips. “You like that, baby? The thought of getting filled up by two guys until it’s just dripping out of you?” he murmured, a smirk spreading over his lips as you moaned his name and dug your nails into his skin. His hand slowly snuck between your legs, placing two fingers on your clit and drawing figure eights over it. “Hmmm, do you, honey?”

You nodded and tightly bit your bottom lip, your thighs tensing as he hit the perfect spot. “Yes,” you breathed and squirmed in his arms as he created the perfect kind of friction against your clit.

His lips curved into a grin against your skin, his head dipping down to attack the side of your neck in open mouthed kisses. “What was that, honey?”

You exhaled shakily and gasped as he bit at the juncture where your neck met your shoulder, your hand reaching back to tangle into his messy curls. “I do,” you said and nodded again, tugging on his hair as his thrusts got just a bit faster and as deep as possible.

He couldn’t stop himself from leaving a hickey, knowing that you could easily cover it with a hoodie. He didn’t stop until he was satisfied with the red mark he left on your skin, knowing that it would be a dark purple by the time the two of you would leave this hotel room. “Think my load is going to be enough for now, baby?” he asked, his voice raspy and making you moan, harshly tugging on his hair and eliciting a deep groan from him.

“More than enough,” you whimpered, “fuck,  _Shawn.”_

His lips were parted, heavily breathing against your jaw as he struggled to fight back his approaching orgasm, the fact that he got to feel you like this- with your warm and wet walls surrounding his bare cock- having him  _way_ too close already. So he slowed his thrusts and concentrated on working you towards your high. “Would you want that?” he breathed, your head turning around to find his lips in a sloppy kiss before he could continue. He didn’t fail to notice how your walls clenched around him as he bit your bottom lip before he deepened the kiss, his tongue exploring your mouth in a way that left you breathless. He peppered a couple of soft kisses over your jaw after pulling away before he spoke up again. “Another night like that? Just the three of us?”

The way you clenched around him and released a shaky moan followed by a broken, “please, yes,” had him right back on the edge again, his motions on your clit getting faster.

“Think you can come with me, Love?” He whispered.

He never got an answer. Or maybe the way you trembled in his arms as you came undone was his answer. It didn’t take much more for him to come, his head pushing against your shoulder and muffling his groan into the fabric of your hoodie as he came deep inside of you.

The feeling of him shooting long spurts into you had your chest arching while a cry of pleasure left your lips, your walls clenching around him and squeezing every last drop out of him. He released the most beautiful sounds behind you, his arms around you in such a tight grip like he never wanted to let you go again while he jerkily thrust into you a few more times.

He exhaled deeply as he came to a complete stop, his chest heaving against your back and his lips placing a few lazy kisses over your neck before he shifted and slowly pulled out of you. You released a low whine of protest, but followed his guiding hands as he moved you so you laid flat on your back. Sitting between your legs, he pushed your thighs further apart and gently spread your folds with two fingers, licking his lips as he watched how his cum slowly trickled out of you.

Your stomach clenched as you pushed more of it out, a grin spreading over your lips as he moaned quietly at the sight. “Fuck, this is so much hotter than I expected,” he murmured and dipped a finger into his cum, slowly dragging it up and circling it around your sensitive clit. Your body jerked and you immediately reached down to stop his motions. A smirk spread over his lips, “can handle four orgasms with me and Cez but only one when it’s just the two of us?”

“Oh, shut up,” you giggled and pushed against his chest, but he ignored it and leaned over you again. His lips found yours in slow and tender kisses, your hands coming to rest on his shoulders. “I was really exhausted after that.”

“Mhm, I know,” he hummed and placed a chaste kiss on your temple. “You were pretty out of it for a bit and I was quite worried” He added and trailed soft kisses down the side of your face. Pushing his hands under your hoodie so they rested on your bare sides, he tucked his face into the crook of your neck with a deep sigh and let his eyes fall closed. You tightly bit your bottom lip as he shifted his hips so his soft length pressed against your core, your hands slowly rubbing over his shoulders and back.

It didn’t take long for him to get heavier on top of you, a chuckle falling from your lips. “Hey, are you falling asleep on me?”

“Mmmh, you smell so good,” he mumbled sleepily and nuzzled his nose against your neck.

“Shawn,” you giggled and squirmed beneath him, immediately receiving a disgruntled groan from him, “come on, let me get up. I need to get cleaned up.”

He hummed in protest as you gave him a gentle but firm push so he rolled off you, his hands grabbing after you but missing just by an inch as you quickly got up. He couldn’t hold back the smirk as he watched you sneak off to the bathroom, the hem of your hoodie stopping halfway over your butt and giving him a great view of those perfectly round cheeks.


	5. Chapter 5

You sadly didn’t get to do it often, but sometimes things were so organized and settled that you were actually able to stand at the side of the stage and watch the concert. And it really didn’t matter how many times you had already seen him perform, he blew your mind every single time.

A couple of songs into the concert Cez joined you at the side of the stage, taking you by complete surprise as he wrapped his arms around you from behind. But you immediately relaxed into him, your back leaning against his strong chest while he rested his head on your shoulder, slowly starting to sway you along to the beat of the song. “How is he doing?” he asked, having to raise his voice a bit so you could hear him.

“Amazing. Just like always,” you responded. Silence settled between you as the two of you watched Shawn perform, simply swaying along to the music.

You really didn’t know when swaying turned into grinding, but you also didn’t complain as he tightened his grip on you and let you push back against his hardening length. “Are you teasing me, darling?” he murmured with a grin.

You smirked just as Shawn looked over to you, his joyful expression immediately changing into a frown. “I’m pretty sure you’re the one who started it.”

He chuckled and turned his head to place a light kiss on the side of your neck. You could see Shawn discreetly looking into your direction over and over. “Shawn told me something really interesting the other day,” Cez murmured into your ear, your eyes widening as you kept watching the concert. “About some little fantasy you’re having,” he added and lightly nibbled on your earlobe, your lips parting with the quiet gasp you released. He groaned softly as you pushed your butt just perfectly against him. “We could head back to the hotel if you want to,” he suggested, his fingers lightly digging into your hips.

“But what about Shawn?” you asked and turned your head back to look at him.

His gaze immediately dropped to your lips. “I mean, he is obviously busy right now, but we could start without him?” he suggested in a low murmur and looked into your eyes again.

You smirked at him. “You think he’d like that?”

“No,” he chuckled, “but maybe that makes it even better.” He winked and gently squeezed your hips. The way he looked at you with a certain longing written in his eyes had your decision made before you were fully aware of it.

“Fuck, let’s go,” you breathed, certain that he wouldn’t be able to hear you over the loud music. Pulling away from you, he instead took your hand into his and tugged you towards the backstage area.

You didn’t even notice that Shawn missed a few words as he stared after you, jealousy flaring up in his chest as he watched the two of you disappear.

 

* * *

 

The elevator was empty this time and he couldn’t keep his hands off you the second the doors closed. He had you pressed up against the wall immediately, kissing you in a way that left you completely breathless. “God, I can’t get enough of your kisses,” he mumbled while tracing his wet lips down your neck in gentle pecks that had your heart racing, his hands on your butt, kneading the soft cheeks. You exhaled shakily and tightly held on to his shoulders, your hips bucking forward and his grip on your bum immediately tightening as he kept you pressed up against his crotch. “Do you feel what you’re doing to me?” he whispered and started to grind against you just when the elevator came to a stop.

He pulled away from you and instead took your hand into his, grinning as he noticed how rosy your cheeks already were. You silently followed him to his room where he was quick to push you up against the wall again before the door even fully shut, swiftly picking you up while he captured your lips in passionate kisses. Your arms and legs wrapped around him, not even bothering to look where he was going as he carried you through the room. You knew he would take good care of you.

He placed you down on the desk, holding you flush to his body as he slowly rocked his hips against yours. “You’re driving me fucking insane with those lips,” he mumbled and trailed soft kisses down your neck, your head tilting back to give him more access.

You didn’t hesitate to raise your arms as his hands pushed under your sweater, allowing him to take it off. A surprised gasp fell from your lips as he quickly tugged you off the table and turned you around so your back was flush to his chest. Nimble fingers slowly unbuttoned your jeans and pulled the zipper down, pushing the denim down just enough for one of his hands to sneak under your panties.

He quietly groaned against your neck as his fingers easily slid through your slick folds, a whimper falling from your lips as he rubbed them over your clit. “Did I make you this wet, darling?” he murmured, your eyes falling closed and your head nodding frantically.

You hissed as he lightly bit the side of your neck and released a low growl, his fingers touching you in all the right ways that had your chest heaving already. “You did,” you whimpered and slowly rocked your hips to meet the movements of his fingers, feeling the way he grinned against your neck. _“Cez,_  please,” you mumbled and pushed your butt back against him again, hearing the way he inhaled sharply.

You were so embarrassingly close already. Between the teasing at the venue and the moment in the elevator and the general desire to feel him again it didn’t take a lot to get you to reach your high.

And he knew it. “Do you want to come?” he whispered and received a soft moan from you, “huh, baby?”

You didn’t respond. You were so close that you could almost taste it and you knew it didn’t take much more for him to throw you over the edge. But then he removed his fingers and pulled his hand out from under your panties. Your eyes squeezed shut and a frustrated and displeased sound fell from your lips.

“What? Did you think I’d just reward you by letting you cum after you and Shawn had some fun without me behind my back?”

 

* * *

 

_‘Left a keycard for you at the front desk’_

The text waiting for him as he got off stage made his heart race even more than it already did, his hands trembling a bit as he swallowed heavily and quickly shoved his phone into the pocket of his jeans. He rushed to grab his things and impatiently waited for everyone else to get their stuff so they could  _finally drive the fuck_  back to the hotel.

He hated that he couldn’t just rush to get the key, but instead had to be sneaky about it. But the second he reached the door where he could hear muffled sounds from the inside he stopped, a sinking feeling filling his stomach. His fingers trembled as he looked down on the keycard in his hand, the thought that you were in there right now, getting fucked by Cez, made his chest tighten up in a way that he could only describe as jealousy.

Running a hand through his still slightly sweaty hair, he leaned against the wall across from the closed door and bit his bottom lip. A tiny part in his brain screamed at him for not going in there right now, but the bigger part pleaded to leave. He wanted to turn on his heel and go back to his room, but this was  _you_. He couldn’t just deny you a night that you had begged him for barely a week ago.

So, he took a deep breath and forced himself to push away whatever it was that made him hesitate right now and decided to try to figure his feelings out later. His fingers still trembled as he unlocked the door and pushed it open, immediately forgetting about his previous inner turmoil as he caught sight of you.

You were bent over the desk- Cez standing behind you- with your cheek pressed against the smooth surface, your eyes desperate as they met his. Your whole body moved with the force of Cez’s thrusts, your fingers tightly gripping the edge of the table as you just took everything he had to offer.

Shawn closed and locked the door with a smirk on his lips, not breaking eye contact with you as he kicked his shoes off and approached the two of you. The way you whimpered his name had the front of his jeans getting tighter instantly as he crouched down in front of you, a hand combing through your messy hair and coaxing you to lift your head before he captured your lips in a tender kiss.

“Hi, babygirl,” he murmured and placed a kiss on your forehead while he rested a hand on the side of your face. The expression written in your eyes had his dick twitching in his jeans- it was almost like you were pleading him for something. “Are you close?” he whispered, having seen the look in your eyes when you were close often enough to easily recognize it.

“Mhm,” you hummed and nodded, your teeth harshly digging into your bottom lip as Cez changed the angle of his thrusts.

Shawn gave you a soft smile and brushed his fingers through your hair, his soft touches such an extreme contrast to the way Cez took you in a rough way. “Why don’t you come for us, then?” he whispered.  

“Cez won’t let me,” you whimpered, a smirk spreading over his lips as his eyes shifted up to look at his tour manager who had the proudest grin on his face, his skin slapping against yours with his steady thrusts.

“Cez won’t let you?” he repeated and raised an amused eyebrow before he looked at you again, his features softening as he noticed the tears of frustration in your eyes.

You shook your head and pushed yourself up on shaky arms, Cez’s hand immediately placing below your chest like he wanted to support you. “No,” you sighed and let your eyes fall shut as Shawn leaned in to place soft kisses over your neck. His kisses slowly trailed further down until his lips wrapped around your hardened nipples while one of his hands snuck between your thighs.

Your body jerked in surprise and you gasped as his digits easily slid over your clit, giving you some much needed friction. The feeling combined with his tongue on your chest and Cez moving deep inside of you had your mind spinning in the best way. Shawn lifted his head and rested his lips against your ear. “I’m here now, baby,” he murmured, his eyes meeting Cez’s again, “and I’m still Cez’s boss. Which means I can tell him to let you come and he has to listen.”

Amused blue eyes met dead serious brown eyes, teasing words lingering on Cez’s tongue that faded the longer he looked at Shawn. The moment between them went unnoticed to you, apart from the fact that Cez’s movements inside of you slowed down. But it wasn’t anything strange at this point- you had stopped counting how often he had edged you until now.

But between the two guys it was like a silent conversation. Cez’s swallowed heavily as Shawn’s gaze dropped to his mouth, suddenly so much more aware of the fact that they were both thinking the same thing.  _They could_. It was a real possibility and it was right there and they were both thinking about it. Would they? Should they? What would you think about it?

Shawn slowly licked his bottom lip while his fingers still steadily worked over your clit, the tension between the two guys growing by the second. What if they just leaned in for a little kiss?

But the moment was interrupted by your high hitting you, the two of them brought back to reality as you trembled in Cez’s arms, your walls clenching around him and your knees buckling as you cried out, your eyes closed. A beautiful flush spread from your chest up your neck and filled your cheeks with a rosy color, your chest heaving with quick breaths. Cez had to tighten his grip around you to keep you upright, the relief of finally coming undone making your whole body turn limp. During their silent debate they hadn’t even taken notice of you anymore, so it came as a surprise for both of them.

Shawn smirked and continued to rub your clit in all the right ways until your moans turned into whimpers and one of your hands reached down to weakly tug his hand back. You leaned against the desk again, your sweaty forehead touching the cold surface as Cez chased his high behind you while gentle fingertips- that you guessed belonged to Shawn- gently combed through your hair.

It was a lot of heavy panting and hands gripping your hips as Cez came, his cock twitching deep inside of you and making you whimper. His hands moved to gently caress and knead your butt as his thrusts slowed down, a deep and almost relieved sigh falling from his lips. “Such a good girl for me,” he murmured and gave your left cheek a little smack that made you yelp in surprise.

You followed his guiding hands as he tugged you up and turned you around to him, his lips finding yours in a couple of chaste kisses that made your heartbeat calm down almost immediately. His fingers slowly traced over your waist when suddenly a pair of warm lips touched the side of your neck in a quick kiss, a quiet moan escaping your throat that made both guys chuckle softly.

Shawn placed his chin on your shoulder and looked up to his tour manager with his perfect Bambi eyes while his hands settled on your hips in a gentle touch. Cez looked at both of you with warm and soft blue eyes, almost like he hadn’t just roughly taken you from behind. “Can’t believe you guys started without me,” Shawn complained and pouted.

You giggled while Cez grinned widely. “Took you long enough to get here,  _boss.”_

This time you noticed it, too. The way Cez’s tone changed and the way Shawn’s grip on your hips tightened just a bit, so faint that you almost didn’t feel the difference. But you did, and your heart skipped a beat as you looked at Cez who had his gaze on Shawn. You almost didn’t dare to breathe, scared that the tiniest movement would ruin whatever moment they had going on right now.

Shawn lifted his head and rested his slightly stubbly cheek against yours, his breath a bit shaky as he swallowed heavily. And then it was all over before anything happened, leaving you confused and wondering what you had missed as Shawn stepped back and took one of your hands into his. “C'mon, beautiful,” he murmured and led you over to the bed where you laid down with a deep sigh, your legs dangling off the edge.

Your mind was spinning with so many questions, though they got cut off immediately as you felt a light touch on the inside of your thighs. Shawn was standing in front of you, slowly collecting the drops of cum that had trickled out of you with two fingers before he gave you a smirk. “Be a good girl for me,” he whispered and raised his hand to your mouth, his eyes darkening as you immediately parted your lips and sucked on his digits.

The taste of you and Cez had you moaning around his fingers while he slowly licked over his bottom lip. The feeling of your tongue twirling around his fingers brought back so many memories of the night when you had taken him so well, so much deeper than any girl had ever done before. Pulling his fingers out of your mouth and taking a step back, he quickly took off his clothes while Cez approached and crawled on the bed. You couldn’t decide if you wanted to look at Cez who slowly combed his fingers through your hair or Shawn who got naked in front of you in no time, his hand instinctively reaching down to wrap around his hard cock and giving himself a few slow pumps.

A grin that had your heart skipping at least two beats spread over his lips as he moved closer to you again, his hands reaching for your thighs before he swiftly pulled so your butt was right on the edge of the bed. You bit your bottom lip and looked up to Cez as he pushed a hand under your head, prompting you to lift it. He shifted closer and settled down so you were able to rest your head on his lap, giving you the perfect angle to look up to him and yet being able to watch Shawn who was standing at the foot of the bed and guided your legs over his shoulders.

Your eyes fell closed and a sharp breath escaped your lungs as Shawn easily slid into you, the feeling of his girth stretching you out somewhat familiar at this point and yet still having your heart racing in anticipation. Gentle fingertips brushed over the skin below your eyes. “Darling,” Cez got your attention, your eyes opening and looking up to him, “can you keep those beautiful eyes open for me?”

You bit your bottom lip and nodded, squirming as Shawn slowly pulled back and stopped when only the tip was left inside of you. He waited until you looked at him, desperation written in your eyes as your chest moved up and down quickly.

_“Please.”_

The way you whimpered it had him grunting quietly as he thrust back into you in a quick movement, the feeling of your walls hugging him so perfectly still overwhelming him- even though he had gotten to feel you like this before. He set a fast and deep pace that had your back arching off the bed, wondering if you were also thinking of that morning.

Cez’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts. “How does it feel, darling?”

Right on cue you released a soft moan and just briefly closed your eyes before you looked up into the blue eyes gazing down on you. “So good,” you whimpered and curled your hands into fists, tightly holding on to the comforter like you needed to ground yourself. Cez’s hands slowly traced down the side of your neck, his touch so gentle compared to Shawn’s tight grip on your thighs and making you squirm.

His fingers teased your nipples with such light touches that you were gasping for more, your breasts moving with every of Shawn’s thrusts. “Why don’t you touch yourself for us, beautiful?” Cez murmured, your chest arching into his hand while you mewled quietly. “Hmmm? Show us how you get yourself off?” he added and combed his free hand through your hair again.

You bit your bottom lip and turned to look at Shawn, a smirk playing on his lips. “Come on, babygirl,” he encouraged you, watching with satisfied eyes as you moved a hand down between your legs. Your body immediately jerked and you gasped as you touched your sensitive clit, your thighs tensing under Shawn’s big hands. “You’re such a good girl,” he praised you, feeling the way your walls clenched around him while you whimpered so quietly that the two guys almost didn’t hear it.

Cez got your attention by gently tweaking your nipple, your eyes looking up to him. “Stop holding back,” he cooed, “let our Rockstar hear how good he’s making you feel.”

You immediately released a loud moan and roughly tugged on the covers with your free hand. Shawn’s fast thrusts turned into deep strokes, creating a new angle that made you cry out. “Fuck,  _right there.”_

He grinned and let his hands drop to your hips to keep you pinned to the bed as you tried to meet his movements. “There?” he murmured and moved his hips in a grinding motion, brushing over your g-spot just perfectly.

You were gasping for breath and simply nodded, the feeling of your fingers on your clit and Shawn moving in all the right ways inside of you and Cez’s hand on your chest having you so close to your climax already.

“Shawn,” Cez spoke up, dark brown eyes reluctantly leaving yours to meet blue ones, “push your hand down on her stomach.”

You got hot and cold at the same time. You had read about that before, but no guy had ever done it before- and neither had you during some alone time. Anticipation was rushing through your veins as Shawn moved a hand from gripping your hips to place it low on your stomach, letting a moment pass before he applied just a bit of pressure right when he was moving back into you.

Your eyes widened and a choked out sound escaped your throat as the stimulation on your g-spot intensified, your chest arching off the bed and your eyes falling closed. The sounds you made were surprisingly quiet as you came, your toes curling and thighs trembling while your breath hitched in your throat. Cez’s hand moved down to feel your stomach tense in time with your walls clenching around Shawn’s cock, his movements having slowed down as he worked you through your high.

You whimpered and reached to tug Shawn’s hand back as the stimulation became too much, his fingers weaving through yours and holding your hand.

The high from the concert, the adrenaline of performing in front of thousands of people that still rushed through his veins, the feeling of the aftershocks of your high and the sight of you slowly coming down- it all became to much for him. His grip on your hand tightened as he released a cry of your name, your eyes opening and looking up to him with exhausted and satisfied eyes as he came undone, giving you all he had and making you whimper and squirm at the feeling of being filled up once again.

You were gasping for breath as Shawn’s movements came to a stop deep inside of you, his length weakly twitching against your walls a few times before he slowly pulled out of you and let go of your hand. Cez’s fingers slowly caressed the side of your face, giving you a loving smile as you looked up to him. “You’re doing so well for us.”

You almost didn’t notice Shawn getting on his knees in front of you, your eyes meeting his just as he was adjusting your legs over his shoulders before he dove right in.  _“Shawn,_  fuck,” you gasped as he just briefly licked over your clit before he pushed his tongue into you, the taste of you and himself and probably a little remainder of Cez making him groan loudly against your core, your body jerking from the feeling.

His eyes fell closed and he held you in place with strong hands as you tried to squirm away, his tongue moving inside of you in ways that had you panting and writhing against the sheets. “Look at him,” Cez whispered, both of your gazes on the guy between your legs. “So eager to get you to cum again,” he continued, Shawn’s eyes opening to look at both of you.

Moving his attention to your clit, he roughly sucked on the bundle of nerves and had you crying out instantly, his name falling from your lips like a prayer. And yet you tried to squirm away again, so sensitive from your earlier orgasms. “I can’t,” you panted and shook your head.

Gentle fingertips brushed over your skin in calming touches, your eyes finding Cez’s again. “I know you can,” He told you in a quiet murmur and received another shake of your head, your chest heaving with quick breaths. “come on, darling. Give our Rockstar another one. He’s such a good boy for you right now.”

You heard the way Shawn quietly whimpered against your core, but you couldn’t concentrate on it as you came for a third time that night. Shawn worked you through it while Cez whispered sweet nothings and played with your hair, your body relaxing against the mattress after a few seconds as Shawn pulled back.

Soft lips placed little kisses over your stomach as you struggled to catch your breath, Cez’s hands gently lifting your head as he shifted and carefully lowered you down to the bed before he got up. Shawn stayed on his knees in front of you until Cez returned with water bottles, your legs moving from their position on Shawn’s shoulders as you sat up and accepted the bottle with a thankful smile.

“Thanks, man,” Shawn murmured and sat down beside you.

 

* * *

 

You hadn’t bothered to blow dry your hair completely after the quick shower you had taken, leaving it still slightly damp as you stepped out of the bathroom in one of Cez’s T-shirts. Your eyebrows furrowed as you found them discussing something heatedly. “You know what, fine. I’ll see if anyone cares to fix your little problems in the middle of the night,” Cez sighed and moved to get his phone, his jaw in a tight line.

“What’s going on?” you asked quietly where you were still standing in the doorway to the bathroom.

You could see that Shawn was seething, which- for some reason you couldn’t explain- got only worse as he looked at you and took in your outfit. “Something went wrong during the show which  _Cez would know if he had been there,”_  Shawn explained, the tone in his voice making your eyebrows raise in surprise.

Your gaze went over his shoulder to Cez who was holding his phone up to his ear and waited patiently, his gaze finding yours.  _'Princess’_  he mouthed and rolled his eyes while he nodded over to Shawn. You had to bite your lip to hold back the grin. Your attention went back to Shawn as his hands placed on your waist, barely listening to Cez talking as you looked up into the soft and dark eyes. “Is it really necessary to get it fixed right now?” you asked quietly.

He hummed and tilted his head down to rest his forehead against yours. “You know how much I care about having a perfect show,” he reminded you and placed a kiss on your jaw. You let him tug you closer, but deep down you were a bit mad at him for causing this kind of trouble late at night. “Hey, honey?” he cooed and lightly nibbled on your earlobe. “I had a crazy idea” he whispered and placed soft kisses over the side of your neck.

You giggled and reached up to grasp his biceps, feeling the way he immediately- and probably subconsciously- flexed his muscles. “Oh god, this can’t end well,” you teased and released a surprised yelp as he playfully bit your neck.

His grip around you tightened so you were completely pressed up against him. “How about we grab our stuff and sneak off to my room?” he whispered so quietly that Cez definitely couldn’t hear it, even if he wasn’t on the phone right now. Your eyes widened. “Have a cozy night? Just the two of us?” he added and placed a lingering kiss right below your earlobe that would usually have you weak for him.  _Usually_.

“What? Shawn, no,” you shook your head and looked at him with confused eyes as he pulled back just enough to look at you. He could feel that you were a bit tense in his arms as he leaned down to playfully rub the tip of his nose against yours before he found your lips in a quick and tender kiss that you barely returned.

“I could give you one of my T-shirts to wear,” he suggested in a low murmur. The possessive tone in his voice was so clear that even a stranger wouldn’t have missed it. Your hands moved to rest on his chest like you needed to put a barrier between you. A way to keep distance between your bodies. “Hmmm, honey? Get cuddled up and watch a movie?” he mumbled against your neck where he placed soft kisses again.

He took a reluctant step back as you lightly pushed against his chest and looked up to him with confused eyes. “How would you feel if Cez and I snuck off and left you behind?”

He didn’t need to answer. The look in his eyes said enough.

Before you could speak up again Cez’s voice filled the room. “Someone’s taking care of it in the morning,” he announced, oblivious to what was going on between Shawn and you.

You were silently praying that Shawn would be able to read your expression and understand what you were trying to tell him.  _You can’t get attached to me._  He just swallowed heavily and averted his gaze.


	6. Chapter 6

He dragged his bare feet over the carpeted floor, tightening the blanket wrapped around his body so no comfy warmth would get lost. Opening the door, he came face to face with you, your worried eyes looking up to him, a white paper bag of the nearest pharmacy in your hand. “Hey, Rockstar,” you said in a soft and quiet voice.

His chuckle was sarcastic and nasal, beginning his way back to the bed and silently inviting you inside. He heard your footsteps follow him, the door quietly falling shut while he flopped down on the bed and immediately moaned in pain as his heavy head started pounding. He didn’t dare to move while he waited for the pain to fade, his eyes closed and cheek pressed against the thick pillows. The sound of the curtains being pulled shut filled the room, a little smile appearing on his lips. He has always loved how caring you were, especially when he didn’t feel well.

The feeling of the bed dipping under another weight made him slowly open his eyes to find the hotel room in as much darkness as possible on a sunny afternoon, weakly returning the smile you gave him while you reached out to gently brush his hair back. You were sitting on the edge of the bed and if he wasn’t absolutely wrapped up in a blanket cocoon he would pull you closer. “I got you some medicine, bub,” you told him, grinning as he grimaced, “and lots of tea.”

His eyes followed you as you got up and walked over to the table where you had placed the bag, quickly digging around in it before you approached him with a pack of pills in your hands. With a heavy sigh he sat up and wrestled his arms free, pouting as you handed him a bottle of water and a single white pill. “I’ll only take it if you stay and watch Harry Potter movies with me,” he told you.

The way you rolled your eyes had him grinning, “excuse me, is it me or you who will disappoint roughly twelve thousand people tomorrow night if you can’t perform?”

It was his turn to roll his eyes while you chuckled as he finally took the pill and water bottle, quickly swallowing the medicine and placing the water bottle aside before he laid back again. “You’re a meanie.”

“And you’re a whiny boy,” you laughed and playfully poked the tip of his nose with your pointer finger, your laughter only getting louder as he wrinkled his nose in return. A feeling of joy filled his chest as he watched how you moved to toe your shoes off and grabbed the remote before you settled down beside him and turned the TV on. “Which one do you want to watch?”

“Well, we’re obviously going to start with the first and by the time we have to go to the venue tomorrow we might be through with the last,” he grinned proudly as you raised an amused eyebrow at him.

“You should rest your voice, Shawn,” you said in a soft voice while selecting the first movie. He sighed heavily and rolled his eyes again. Silence settled between you as the movie started playing, though before the first five minutes even passed he reached out to you and tugged on the button of your jeans. “Uhhh- Shawn?” you chuckled in confusion. He had his eyebrows furrowed in concentration and didn’t respond as he finally got the button open. “What exactly are you doing there?”

“You always complain how uncomfortable those jeans are,” he answered and hooked a finger into the waistband to tug lightly while looking up to you with those adorable Bambi eyes.

“So?”

_“Sooo,”_  he drew the word out and huffed in annoyance like he couldn’t believe that you weren’t following, “you should take them off.” He shrugged- like it was the most obvious thing to do in this situation.

Raising your eyebrows, you silently looked at him for a few seconds before you spoke up. “Yeah… It’s not like any of the past events between us haven’t proved that we definitely shouldn’t be half naked around each other,” you responded sarcastically.

He sighed heavily and shook his head. “It literally feels like my head is about to explode if I move too fast,” he told you, a dead serious expression on his face, “not to be dramatic, but I don’t think I would survive getting laid right now.” A moment passed before a smug smirk spread over his lips. "Which would be a nice way to go, I guess.”

You giggled quietly before you gave in and wriggled out of your jeans, not sure how to feel about the fact that you didn’t feel at all uncomfortable to sit there in just a T-shirt and underwear beside him. He spread his blanket over you and shifted closer, suddenly hesitating and looking up to you with unsure eyes. “Can I…?” he mumbled and briefly looked at your chest before he looked into your eyes again.

You nodded and grinned as he laid his head down on your chest with a happy sigh, his curly hair blocking half of your view of the screen, but you didn’t mind. You just really wanted him to get better.

But, you swore to yourself, that this would be the last time you allowed yourself to get this close to him. It had to end before you could develop some real and serious feelings for him that would just complicate everything. You had to stop being so goddamn weak for him.

You tangled a hand into his hair as he nuzzled his cheek against your chest while he got more comfortable, a content hum rumbling in his chest.

While he was slowly falling asleep in your arms he realized how fucked he was. He knew that falling in love with you should’ve never happened. And yet here he was, his heart aching with the realization that you had no idea. You didn’t know how much he was craving to fall asleep with you in his arms and wake up to your soft and sleepy eyes blinking at him in that adorable way. You didn’t know how much he just wanted to grab you and kiss you until you were gasping for breath. You didn’t know how he just wanted to hold your hand whenever possible.

You didn’t know. But you  _had to_ , he decided with a sleepy grunt and faintly heard your soft chuckle as you gently scratched his scalp, believing that he was already dreaming. He had to show you how much he loved you.

It was like a mental checklist that formed in his mind. Let you know that he loved you. Have his feelings reciprocated. Get over with the last few shows before the two week long break. Take you home with him. Get you all to himself for two whole weeks.

It sounded so easy in his head.

Oh boy was he wrong.


	7. Chapter 7

Your chest was tight and your fingertips trembled as you waited for the elevator to finally reach the lobby. It wasn’t that you were claustrophobic, but with your anxiety at its peak tonight you felt like you were suffocating in this tiny space, your heart racing in your chest.

Releasing a sigh of relief as the elevator finally came to a stop, you rushed out as soon as the doors opened only to bump into another person, both of you stumbling for a moment.  _“Ohmygod_ , I’m so sorry,” you rushed to apologize and looked up to face a pair of very familiar blue eyes. His hands were still on your waist when he had reached out to steady you.

You didn’t even notice that your frantic heartbeat had started to slow down as you looked up into his kind eyes. “Woah, hi,” he smiled and slowly let go of you again, though just a second later his eyebrows furrowed in worry as he took in your appearance. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly, the panic and anxiety still written in your eyes.

You swallowed heavily and nodded. “Just going for a little walk,” you told him and pulled up the zipper of your jacket. Of course, just like always, you got your scarf stuck in the zipper. “I feel like I need some fresh air,” you explained and huffed as you harshly pulled on the scarf.

He knew what that meant. He had been on enough of those walks when the day had been too long and the thoughts wouldn’t stop racing.

He could see that your hands were trembling, worry settling deep in his chest. Reaching out, he gently tugged your hands back before he untangled your scarf from the zipper with a patience you couldn’t muster at the moment. “Deep breaths, darling,” he murmured and gave you a calming smile, even taking one of your hands and placing it on his chest so you could feel both his faint heartbeat and the steady rise and fall of his chest.

He patiently waited until your hand stopped trembling and your features started to relax. You gave him a soft smile and nodded slightly, “I’m okay. Thank you.”

“Do you mind if I come with you?” he asked and immediately missed your touch on his chest as you pulled your hand back. “I don’t like the thought of you walking around all alone at this hour.”

The smile you gave him was genuine- he could see that you appreciated his concern. “You’re such a daddy.”

You only realized how it sounded after the words left your mouth, your eyes widening in shock while his lips curved into an amused grin. “What did you just call me?” he chuckled.

“Fuck, no, I didn’t-” you stumbled over your words, your cheeks flushing and making his grin widen, “I didn’t mean it like  _that_. Fuck, this is so typical me again.” You groaned and raised your hands to hide your face behind them, your heart racing in your chest. “I just-” you took a calming breath and reluctantly removed your hands as he reached for your wrists and tugged gently, “I meant like, you’re always trying to take care of everyone and making sure that we’re all okay. Like- like-”

"Like the tour dad,” he helped you, amusement still written all over his face.

“Yes,” you sighed, slowly relaxing as he gave you a calming smile that let you know that he didn’t take it the wrong way. “Exactly like that,” you added and ran a hand through your hair. “Can we just- like, go? And forget this ever happened?” you pleaded, your cheeks a bright red.

“Can’t promise that I’ll ever forget about the moment you called me daddy. And that in public, of all places,” he teased with a giggle.

“Ugh,  _Cez,”_  you groaned in exasperation and received a loud laugh from him. “You know what, I’ll be fine on my own,” you said and turned on your heel to leave the hotel. He caught up with you in seconds, stepping outside into the chilly night air beside you.

“I’m sorry. I’ll stop,” He mumbled and offered his arm to you. You hesitated and looked at him with wary eyes, the smile he gave you seeming to convince you that you could trust him. Hooking your arm through his, you grasped his biceps and took the lead as he patiently waited for you to start walking. He wordlessly followed you as you took a left and began your way down the street. Letting you take a moment to gather your thoughts, he noticed how you took a deep breath beside him and held it in your lungs before slowly released it again as he spoke up. “Tell me. What’s going on in that brilliant mind of yours?”

 

* * *

 

“Like, sometimes-” you looked up into the dark sky and took a deep breath, feeling his gaze on you, “I don’t know. Lately I just want to grab all my stuff and get on the next best flight to somewhere far away. Start a new life with a basic 9 to 5 job. Maybe find myself a nice guy and get married. Just have a completely normal life like everyone else.”

It felt like you had been walking forever, but it didn’t seem like he minded. He kept steering you into different directions- considering that he had been the only one who went to discover the city earlier today he knew some pretty places around the hotel area.

Cez had always been the best listener you had ever known and while you tried to avoid taking advantage of it and unloading all your problems on him, you also couldn’t help but feel so much better since you had left the hotel. But the only thing you never mentioned was your growing fear of Shawn possibly falling in love with you.  

Reaching to take your hand into his, he grinned widely at your surprised giggle as he twirled you in a circle before he tugged you closer to him until your chest almost touched his. "So, where are we getting married?”

“Cez,” you giggled, but he looked at you with a seriousness in his eyes that almost had you fooled for a moment. But you knew him too well, the playful expression in his blue eyes barely visible. “With you?” you asked and placed a hand on his chest, his features softening, “London. I don’t know what your apartment is like, but I’d just move in with you and we’d have a basic but small wedding in some nice church.”

"Okay,” he nodded, his arms loosely wrapping around your waist and smiling softly as you leaned your head against his chest. Neither of you seemed to care that you were in the middle of the sidewalk and received glances from everyone walking past. “So, we’re living in London,” he started fantasizing, his voice a quiet murmur that had you relaxing in his arms, “you find yourself some ordinary job in an office where you’re sitting in a cramped cubicle all day long. You’re taking the underground every morning and every night. We’re always making dinner together as soon as we’re both home from our ordinary jobs. And then we’re catching up on our latest Netflix obsession before we’re going to bed just to start the same old routine every day. Over and over.” You had immediately started to understand where he was heading with this. “Does that sound like something you would be happy with for the rest of your life? No more traveling, just the same old town every day. No more tour life, just some shitty job in an office where you’re taking calls all day long. No more meeting new people and seeing new faces every day, just the same commuters on the underground every day. And me. Just me.”

You lightly nibbled on your bottom lip and thought for a long moment before you looked up to him, his hands gently squeezing your waist. “When you put it like that, the you part is really the only nice thing about it,” you mumbled and reached up to fix the collar of his jacket.

He chuckled and leaned in to place a kiss on your cheek before he grasped your hand in his and started to walk again. “If there’s one thing I’m absolutely certain about, then it’s that you’re not made for a normal life. You need the excitement of always being on the run,” he said and looked at you like he needed confirmation of the statement, smiling as you nodded with a defeated sigh. “Hey, I’m not saying this to make you feel bad.”

“I know,” you responded and shrugged, “but you’re right.”

“You just-” he sighed heavily and gave your hand a gentle squeeze. “You make it unnecessarily hard on yourself all the time,” he told you, the hotel coming back into view down the road. You had lost all sense of orientation a while ago, so the sight came as a surprise. “You got such a great team around you all day long and believe me when I tell you that really everyone loves you and wants you to be okay. And yet you keep pushing everyone away and hide somewhere instead of talking to someone and honestly, it drives me insane,” he told you with a soft chuckle, but you knew that he was serious.

You took a deep breath. "I just don’t want to be a burden,” you mumbled, but he heard it.

He immediately stopped in his steps and turned you to face him, his hands cupping your cheeks so you had to look at him. “You are not a burden,” he told you, his voice firm and eyes full of sincerity, “you hear me? My door is  _always_ open for you, darling. Even if it’s 4 in the morning. I’m always there to listen and try to help, yeah?”

"Okay,” you breathed and nodded, a small smile spreading over your lips, “thank you, Cez.”

But he didn’t let go of you, instead looked at you with an expression in his eyes that you couldn’t quite define- though you could see that something was on his mind. “Can I ask you something?” he murmured, receiving another nod from you. “Well I guess it’s more like an offer. A suggestion? No. But offer also doesn’t sound right-”

“Cez,” you interrupted him with a giggle and reached a hand up to curl it around his wrist, “what is it?”

Taking a deep breath, he concentrated on the way your thumb brushed over the inside of his wrist while you looked up to him with curious and amused eyes. “Just- keep in mind that I mean this in the most platonic way ever, okay? No intentions behind it. I just feel like it might be a nice change for your mental health.”

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion while you tried to figure out what the hell he was talking about.

“Do you want to come back to England with me during the short break?”


	8. Chapter 8

_So maybe he noticed that his so brilliant plan wasn’t as easy as it had seemed while he had been full of medications. But he figured he could do this. Babysteps- that was what he told himself over and over. Win your heart step by step. But it was a bit too late when he realized that his plan wouldn’t work out._

_His heart did a little skip as he stepped into the dressing room backstage and found you sitting at the table, your laptop in front of you. “Hey, Andrew is searching for you,” he told you, his eyebrows furrowing as he received no reaction from you for several seconds._

_“I’ll be there in a minute,” you muttered, your gaze still on the screen in front of you._

_Stepping closer, he came to a stop behind you and looked over your shoulder to see that you were on the webpage of an airline. “Whatcha doin’?” he murmured, having to stop himself from the urge to wrap his arms around you and kiss your neck._

_“I’m changing my flight for the break.”_

_Immediate panic spread through his chest. You couldn’t change your flight, he hadn’t gotten the chance to ask you to come home with him yet. “Why? Did something with the timing not add up?” he asked, desperately hoping that you weren’t changing the destination of your flight. He hadn’t even gotten to ask you yet._

_“No,” you mumbled, his heart dropping as he finally found the reason why you were changing it just when you spoke up. “I’m going to England instead of home,” you told him, his heart skipping and dropping and aching as you clicked the little button on the bottom right corner that officially changed your flight info._

_“What are you doing in England?” he asked quietly, already expecting the worst. He forced himself to keep a neutral look on his face as you turned around in your chair to look at him, the way your eyes were so full of excitement making his heart hurt even more. He knew exactly what you would be doing in England- or more specifically who you’d be doing in England- but his heart broke all over as you said it out loud._

_“Cez asked me to come.”_

You hated long flights. You absolutely despised them. Even though you didn’t have endlessly long legs like Shawn did you still felt like you didn’t have enough room and overall it was just uncomfortable. Especially when you flew privately and didn’t have the luxury of work paying for first class- you refused to spend your money on a ridiculously expensive first class ticket. But flying with someone else always made it better. Especially with Cez. Something about his calm aura always helped you relax. He always knew what to say to make you feel better again. And he was always there to hold your hand when turbulences hit- which scared the hell out of you. It didn’t matter how many hours you had collectively spend on an airplane before, you never got used to the turbulences.

But in the end it was all worth it. You had already forgotten about the long flight as the cab drove through the beautiful streets of London, Cez completely silent beside you as he let you look out of the window with fascination written in your eyes. He knew how much you loved this city and he was convinced that the change of scenery might be good for you.

And his apartment made everything even better. Penthouse loft in a rather fancy complex building, lots and lots of open space with big windows. The guest bedroom- where you would be staying- was bigger than your bedroom at home and the bed was so comfortable that you considered asking him if you could move in with him.

“You’re adorable,” he grinned as you looked around the open space of his living room, kitchen and dining space with wide and curious eyes before he held his hand out to you. “Let me show you something.”

His fingers intertwined with yours before he led you over to the stairs into the upstairs hallway and past a closed door that you figured was probably the master bedroom. He stopped in front of a huge balcony door leading out to a rooftop balcony that was just as big as the rest of the apartment. “You have to be kidding me,” you whispered under your breath while he opened the doors, your hand pulling out of his as you immediately stepped outside.

Stepping over to the railing, you looked out over a breathtaking view of London, the wind lightly playing with your hair as he stepped up beside you. “It’s so beautiful here,” you mumbled, “I’m almost offended that you didn’t take me here sooner.”

He chuckled and playfully bumped his shoulder against yours. "Promised that I’d take you here, remember?”

He had. Back when you had first started working together he had promised to take you on a trip to London after learning how much you adored his hometown. You hadn’t forgotten about it. Neither had he. But he knew that he had chosen the right moment to invite you here. Both of you knew that you would be going insane if you were home right now.

Tearing your gaze off the view, you looked up to him with a carefree expression written in your eyes he had last seen weeks ago. The fact that you were so much happier by simply being here made his heart roar with pride.

Reaching up, you cupped his face in your hands and placed a kiss on his cheek before you tightly wrapped your arms around his neck. “Thank you for taking me here, Cez,” you mumbled while his arms slung around your middle, holding you close to him and rubbing a hand over your shoulders.

“You’re so welcome, darling,” he whispered.

_His gaze was on you as he followed you into the arena, his mind racing with so many thoughts that he got dizzy. Or maybe he got dizzy because he felt sick. You were going home with Cez. For two whole weeks. And you were so excited about it, a little bounce in your steps that made your ponytail swing from one side to the other._

_Was he fighting back the tears? He wasn’t even sure anymore. Out of all the things he had figured could go wrong when he would confess his feelings for you he hadn’t expected that Cez would get into his way._

_From the other side of the arena he caught Brian’s gaze who gave Shawn a confused look, sensing that something wasn’t alright. But he simply shook his head and averted his gaze, only to look straight at Cez who was standing off to the side on his phone. His jaw clenched and his despair was replaced by anger. That_ lucky bastard.

_Had you been sneaking around with Cez too? Gotten some alone time with him? Had he gotten to have you all to himself for an entire night? Or even more? His thoughts went wild, putting images into his head that had his hands curling into fists, though he wasn’t even sure if any of it had actually happened._

_His eyes moved over to you again where you were discussing something with Andrew. It only took a simple smile from you as you caught him looking to have his erratic heartbeat calm down. His clenched hands relaxed as he weakly returned your smile._

_You had done nothing wrong. You weren’t in a relationship with either one of them, even if Shawn oh so desperately wanted you to be his girl. You were allowed to sleep around, even if it was with Cez. You didn’t know that Shawn was helplessly falling for you. You didn’t know that he felt like his heart was ripped into two as he realized that he had lost you before he had even gotten a chance to be with you._

_It knocked the breath out of him, his body trembling and tears gathering in his eyes. How did no one notice that he was falling apart right here, in the middle of the arena? Why was no one coming to catch him?_

_Someone firmly grabbed his arm and dragged him towards one of the exits. The ringing in his ears was too loud to make out what Brian was saying, tears blurring his sight as he followed his friend leading him backstage._

_Cez would get to have you all to himself for two weeks. He would get to show you the city you loved with your whole heart. He would get the chance to make you fall in love with him- the one thing Shawn wouldn’t get to do anymore._

_You had chosen Cez over him._

He showed you the pretty sides of London that you had never gotten to see before. He took you to his favorite pubs. He took you to concerts of bands you had never heard of before, but enjoyed every single one of them. He convinced you to mediate with him on the rooftop balcony, high above the stress of the town below you. You had to admit, you couldn’t remember ever having felt so relaxed as in that moment, sitting on a throw blanket on the ground with every single muscle in your body absolutely relaxed.

No matter what he did or where he took you, he really managed to make the trip memorable to you.

It was a rainy afternoon- you had cursed all of rainy England just that morning for ruining your planned trip to Hyde Park. You were sitting on the couch in front of the huge windows with a book you had taken from the big bookshelf stacked with books upon books-  _so many books_  that you had asked him if he had robbed a library- as he approached you.

He smiled as he spotted the familiar cover of his favorite book in your hands. “How is it?” he asked and nodded towards the book.

“I really like it so far,” you grinned and closed it as he sat down beside you. “What’s up?”

“Just a suggestion,” he started, “feel free to say no if you want to have a lazy day in.” He grinned as you looked at him with intrigued and slightly impatient eyes. “Wanna go on a little trip out of town?”

 

* * *

 

“Can we go on the Ferris Wheel?” you gasped in excitement, your eyes pleading and reminding him of the reaction of a little kid. The fact that you were nibbling around on cotton candy that was almost twice the size of your head didn’t make it any better. The drive to Margate had been longer than you had expected when he had suggested to get out of town, but you hadn’t complained at all. You had gotten to see so much of England while he had been navigating his way through the streets with an ease that made it clear that it wasn’t his first trip there.

You had been wondering during the entire drive where he would take you- and you had some places in mind. But the last thing you had expected to see was the sight of the ocean. You didn’t mind that the sand was cold and the water was even colder as you dipped a foot in- the sound of the waves and the smell in the air put you at ease immediately. And just a short walk away from the beach was a little amusement park where he took you after he was sure that you had enjoyed the ocean enough… for now.

He chuckled and made a motion for you to lead the way, following you with a grin and watching how you almost bounced with excitement. “You really shouldn’t think that a grown woman can get so excited over a simple Ferris Wheel.”

“Excuse me,” you gasped and turned around to him, “that is rude, sir.”

“Hey, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing,” he defended himself and held his hands up in surrender. “It’s one of the things I adore most about you, actually,” he told you and saw how your playful features shifted into curiosity, “how you can appreciate the little things in life that others don’t even pay much attention to.”

A grin spread over his lips as he noticed that your cheeks got rosy, followed by a quiet chuckle as you sighed and turned back to the line. You couldn’t stop yourself from briefly closing your eyes at the feeling of his lips pressing a gentle kiss on the side of your head. It didn’t take too long until the two of you climbed into the little cabin that fit both of you just perfectly, sharing your cotton candy with him while you slowly made your way up.

“Hold on,” you mumbled as you caught sight of the seemingly endless ocean, the sun just starting to set. It gave you such a romantic feeling that you just wanted to cuddle into his side- the fact that he had his arm stretched out over the back of the very uncomfortable seat didn’t make it any better. “Did you trick me into going on a date with you?”

He laughed loudly beside you and shook his head. “May I remind you of the fact that it was your idea to take a ride?”

“Yeah,” you squinted your eyes at him in a way that was more adorable than intimidating, “but you wanted to go here. You probably knew that I want to go on the Ferris Wheel. This was all part of your plan!” You gasped in realization and repeatedly nudged a finger against his chest.

Grinning widely, he took your hand into his to stop you from attacking him. “Yes, darling. You exposed my masterplan,” he played along, “I knew that you would decide to go on this during sunset so I can wait until we’re at the very top before I kiss you. All of that just so you can proceed to throw up on me, because you always say that clichés like that make you sick.”

"I’m on to you, Darke,” you said and pointed your cotton candy at him in a dramatic way, though couldn’t stop yourself from grinning as he took a big bite and gave you a wink.

You didn’t really think about it as his hand rested on your thigh during the drive home.


	9. Chapter 9

_A low groan. Rustling of the crisp white sheets. A confused grunt._

_His hand rested on the empty side of the bed beside him as his eyes opened, his head lifting off the pillows while his hand searched for something._ You _. Looking around the room with confused eyes, he needed a moment to realize that he had been dreaming. You weren’t in bed beside him- you had never been. At least not in his home._

_He stared at the swallow tattoo on the back of his hand, an empty feeling filling his chest that made him want to cry. You weren’t here. His dream had seemed so real, almost like he had been able to feel your skin against his and the way you touched him._

_Instead you were all the way across the ocean in London. Did Cez get to wake up next to you every morning? Did he get to wake you up with cuddles and lazy kisses like Shawn wanted to so desperately? Did he get to hold you at night, have you fall asleep in his arms and watch the way your features relaxed as you slipped into a deep slumber?_

_Did Cez even treat you the way you should be treated? Appreciate every inch of you?_

_With a soft sigh he turned to lay on his back, staring up to the ceiling and raising a hand to run it through his ruffled hair. Who was he even kidding? He knew that Cez would treat you right. He would treat you like his princess._

He could see how weak your grip on the handle was, your body swaying dangerously with the movements of the underground train. You were staring out of the windows, your gaze unfocused and features exhausted. He couldn’t stop himself from grinning as he watched how you stifled a yawn. “Hey, darling,” he murmured and reached over to you, taking your hand into his and giving you a gentle tug as you looked up to him. “Come here.”

You didn’t hesitate as you immediately followed his guiding hand, letting him pull you into his chest and eagerly leaning into his embrace. Your arms snuck under his unzipped jacket, hands placed on his back and seeking the warmth he emitted. You would never admit it, but you regretted not taking a warmer jacket with you. You couldn’t stop your heavy eyelids from finally falling shut as he wrapped an arm around your waist to keep you steady, nuzzling your cheek against his chest and sighing softly. “I’m so tired.”

“We’re home in a few,” he promised, his voice such a low and calming murmur that you got even more tired.

He could feel how you inhaled deeply before you released a disgruntled groan. “But that’s not true,” you argued and lifted your head to look up to him. The way you sleepily blinked at him made him want to wrap you up in a blanket and cuddle you until you feel asleep. “We’re at the station in a few. We still have to walk a bit,” you mumbled and pouted up to him, making him grin and move his hand from your back.

His fingers slowly combed through your hair as he looked at you with fondness written in his eyes, seeing how you enjoyed his gentle touches. “But look at the bright side,” he said quietly, his fingers tangling into your hair to gently scratch your head, “once we’re home nothing is stopping you from going straight to bed.”

Your eyebrows furrowed in an adorable way that made him chuckle. "But it’s still so long until then. What if I’ll end up falling asleep in here?”

His thumb slowly brushed back and forth over your scalp as he leaned down to place a lingering kiss on your forehead before he slowly pulled back. It was only then that you realized how close he was, your gaze shifting down to his lips before you could stop yourself. You knew that if you just immediately looked away again you might be able to play it off, but the problem was that you couldn’t. He was  _right here_  and he was so close and you could still remember how he had kissed you in that elevator a few weeks ago.

You could see how he swallowed heavily, the temptation to just lean in and kiss him right here so strong that you were barely able to fight against it.

Finally looking up to him, you could see the desire and hidden lust written in his eyes- which was exactly what you had needed to see. But just when you were about to lean in and  _finally_ kiss him the train came to a screeching halt at the next station. It caught both of you by surprise and if it wasn’t for his arm reaching down and wrapping around your waist just in time to catch you from stumbling you would’ve lost your balance.

You were a bit out of breath as you hesitantly looked up to him again while people left and entered the carriage around you, his features so neutral that it hurt a bit. But you could see the disappointment in his eyes.

Taking a deep breath, you leaned your head against his chest again and cursed the universe for ruining everything like that. His voice pulled you out of your angry thoughts. “I’ll leave you to die here, obviously,” he answered your question you had almost forgotten about again.

You stayed quiet, wondering what would’ve happened if the train hadn’t stopped right in that second. Would you be making out like teenagers right now? Would you rush to get home? Would he take you to his room? Or wouldn’t you be able to make it further than the couch?

You weren’t aware of the fact that while you wondered what could’ve been, his mood had dropped immensely. It had taken one judging look from a lady across the carriage to have him realize something he should’ve been aware of a long time ago.

He was so much older than you. People would always look at you in a weird way on the streets. People would judge you as a couple. But the worst thing was that people would judge you more than him- they would judge you for being in a relationship with an older guy while they would probably pat him on the back and congratulate him for getting such a pretty and young thing.

The thought made him sick. What if you actually ended up in a relationship and you’d be uncomfortable to be seen with him in public?

You deserved better than that.

 

* * *

 

The lady from the underground was temporarily forgotten as the two of you entered the apartment. Shoes were carelessly kicked off by the front door, Cez barely managing to catch you before you disappeared off into your room. He gave you a soft smile as you looked at him. “Goodnight,” he murmured and placed a kiss on your cheek- something he had been doing ever since your first night in London. It wasn’t strange. Except that it was different this time.

The tension from the underground was back with full force, his eyes blown wide as he looked down on you. You almost held your breath as his hands slowly curled around your waist in such a light touch that you barely felt it and yet you shivered, your lips parting and his gaze immediately dropping to your mouth.

While walking the short distance from the station to the apartment you had been sure that you’d go to bed without getting that kiss. In fact, you had been sure that it would take a long time until either one of you would make another move again. If ever.

Your eyelids fluttered as he bent down, his forehead lightly knocking against yours and your hands immediately reaching up to grasp his biceps. “Cez…” you mumbled, your heart racing in your chest and your body following his guiding hands without a moment of hesitation as he tugged you closer.

He only hummed in response, the feeling of your soft and curvy body against his firm chest having his mind in overdrive again, his blood rushing south a lot quicker than it should. He couldn’t believe that you had such an extreme effect on him- not that he would want to change it in any way. Swallowing heavily, you let your eyes fall closed as he tilted his head to place a couple of soft kisses over your jaw. Your next words had his heart skipping a beat and his skin tingling in anticipation.

“Kiss me.”

He didn’t waste another second as he captured your lips in a kiss that was much softer than you had expected. It felt a bit like coming home as he slid his hands around to rest on your back while you reached up to cup his cheeks, his lips fitting so perfectly against yours that you couldn’t concentrate on anything else. All that mattered in this moment was how he kissed you and how his beard was scratching your skin in ways that drove you insane. Your chest arched into his as he lightly sucked on your bottom lip, his hands immediately following the curve of your spine and making you release a soft sound into the kiss.

His teeth just quickly tugged on your bottom lip before he pulled back, lips disconnecting with a wet sound and a quiet whimper slipping past your lips. You immediately chased his lips again, feeling how they curved into a smile against yours and wanting to deepen the kiss, but he pulled back once more.

He placed two more quick pecks on your lips before he leaned back and slowly opened his eyes to find yours still closed, a blissful smile resting on your features. Your thumbs slowly brushed over his cheekbones and your head tilted towards him as he placed a soft kiss on the tip of your nose. Eyes opening, you looked up to him with an expression in them that was so warm and happy and full of affection that he couldn’t stop himself from smiling widely.

Biting your bottom lip, you moved your hands to slide them under his jacket, slowly pushing it off his shoulders and returning the kiss he placed on your lips while he wrestled out of his jacket. Heart thumping in your chest, you let your fingers scratch through his beard and received a soft grunt from him before you reached for the zipper of your jacket. His gaze dropped to watch as you pulled it down, his hands immediately there to help you out of your jacket and carelessly leaving both yours and his on the floor as his hands found your body again.

It was like he was waiting for you to make a move, his gaze not leaving yours as you stretched up and wrapped your arms around his neck. One hand pushed under the collar of his sweater, flat palm placing on his back and feeling his shoulder blades shift as he dropped his hands to your hips. Goosebumps spread over your whole body as his fingertips slowly snuck beneath your hoodie, light touches on your bare skin as you leaned in to kiss him again.

Hands tracing up your sides, he felt how you pressed closer to him, your hand tangling into his hair while the other under his sweater slowly stroked his skin. His touch was so light that it almost tickled as he caressed your skin on his way up, only stopping as he reached the bottom of your ribcage where his fingers curled around your sides.

You went blindly as he pushed you backwards, your back connecting with the wall as his tongue slowly brushed over your bottom lip. Not parting your lips immediately, you wanted to grin as he released a little whine and tightened his grip on you, his teeth pulling on your bottom lip until you finally granted him access.

The feeling of your nails lightly scratching over his back while he eagerly explored your mouth like he got to kiss you for the first time brought back so many memories of Spain, wondering if you were also thinking about it. It had been almost two years since that night- he had started working on Shawn’s team for barely four months at the time- and yet he often found himself thinking about it.

His fingers lightly dug into your skin as he released a soft moan into your mouth. He couldn’t even remember why the two of you had gone to that bar alone that night- he was sure that the night would’ve never ended the way it had if someone else had come along. But it had been only you and him and it had given you the opportunity to get to know each other more, though he would have never expected that he would end up learning so much about you as he had found himself tangled in the sheets with you.

He could still remember how both of you had stumbled into his hotel room late at night, clothes shed all the way from the door to the bed. The way your sweaty body had felt against his, all skin on skin and bodies moving in perfect sync. The sounds you had made just for him, little breathy moans and whimpers right beside his ear. His name falling from your lips over and over in a way that was still enough- even after all this time- to have him achingly hard if he thought about it for too long. The scratches that you had left behind on his back- they had taken weeks to heal and he had been reminded of your night together every single time he had caught a glance at them or felt them rubbing against his T-shirts.

The feeling of your hips tilting forward and pushing against his brought him out of his memories, one of his hands slipping down to place on your lower back. He wanted nothing more than to take you upstairs and have you naked and begging on his bed, but he knew that tonight wasn’t the right time. He wanted to take his time with you if he ever got you all to himself again and he knew that you wouldn’t be able to stay awake for that tonight.

So- even though his body screamed at him in protest- he slowed down his kisses, feeling how at first you tried to deepen them again but eventually accepted his lead until he placed nothing more than gentle pecks on your lips. With a deep breath he slowly pulled back, the tip of his nose lightly rubbing against yours before he opened his eyes. Both your and his eyes were blown wide, barely any color left around the edge. Rosy cheeks, wet lips, heavy breaths- all of it left both of you in similar states of desire for more.

But, with another lingering kiss on your temple followed by a quick one to your lips, he stepped back, his touch leaving you and making you feel strangely cold. “Goodnight, darling.”


	10. Chapter 10

_“Oh my god, Cez,” you whimpered, your nails digging into his back and feeling the way his spine arched as he thrust into you with just enough force to have you gasping for breath. His hands were in your hair, tugging every now and then while he released deep groans that were muffled against your neck with every move into you. The feeling of your walls hugging and squeezing his throbbing cock had his mind spinning._

_It was_ so hot _in the hotel room. You wanted to blame the Spanish heat for it- also for getting you here in the first place. You were sure that the heat had gotten to your head and that was the only reason why you had ended up in this (beautiful) situation._

_But deep down you knew that the heat had nothing to do with any of this. It was all Cez._

“Remember what happened last time we went to a bar together- before this trip? Just the two of us?”

The words left his mouth before he could stop them, his gaze shamelessly trailing down your bare legs. The way you looked tonight should be illegal- your dress hugged all of your curves just perfectly and he just wanted to put his hands all over you. He had been sporting a semi ever since you had left the apartment earlier that night.

Especially when you had stepped out of your room and asked him to zip you up, showing him that you weren’t wearing a bra underneath as you had turned your back to him. His thoughts had been running wild since then.

You didn’t seem to be surprised by his question, your eyebrows simply raising in amusement as you fiddled with the drink in front of you. “You mean when we were in Spain?” you asked and grinned as he nodded. “Remember how we said that we wouldn’t ever talk about it again and that it would stay a one time thing?” you reminded him.

The smirk that spread over his lips was cocky, his gaze trailing down your body again as you turned on your barstool to look at him properly. “Remember that we also said the exact same thing about the first threesome?” he returned and followed your example, his legs spread apart with enough room for your crossed ones to fit in between.

“We’re obviously bad at keeping promises,” you giggled.

“I know we could’ve fucked up our entire professional working relationship that night,” he started, your gaze dropping to his hand as he lightly touched the outside of your knee, “but I really enjoyed those few hours with you,” he told you. His cocky smirk had turned into a coy smile as you looked into his eyes again.

_“Cez?” you mumbled, your head tilting back a bit further as he found the sensitive spot on your neck. He simply hummed against your skin, his body comfortably settled between your legs. “Promise me that it’ll stay a one time thing.” You released a little breathy moan as he slowly rolled his hips against yours, clothed cock grinding against your panties. “We can’t let this affect work in any way.”_

_His lips detached from your neck with a little sound, his body shifting on top of yours as he found your lips in a kiss. “Promise,” he murmured and bit his bottom lip as he felt your hips lifting off the bed to grind against him again. “The second we step out of this hotel room tomorrow morning it’ll be like nothing happened.”_

“You know, I would’ve done it again,” you told him and grinned as he raised an eyebrow.

“What stopped you?”

You shrugged and felt his fingers slowly trace higher, his other hand also having found your thigh by now. “You never made a move. And I was scared that it would really affect work if we turned it into a regular thing.”

You could see the surprise written on his face. “So you didn’t just want a second time, but possibly even a recurring thing?”

Biting your bottom lip in a way that you hoped would look somewhat seductive, you had to force back the grin as you noticed how his eyes dilated a bit and his fingers slowly snuck higher. “Back then, yeah,” you nodded and felt his fingers reach the edge of your dress.  

“And what do you want now?” he asked quietly, fingertips just barely sneaking below your dress before they pulled back again. Instead he simply rested his hands on your thighs, his thumbs slowly brushing back and forth over your bare skin.

You scooted forward a bit in your seat and leaned in closer to him, feeling how his grip on you immediately tightened. He swallowed heavily as you rested your hands high on his thighs, so high that he would only have to shift a bit for you to palm him over his jeans. “Right now?” you whispered, your gaze not leaving his. “I think you know exactly what I want.”

_He knew it was a bold move. He knew that it could ruin everything between you. He knew it could make everything awkward for the rest of your time working together- which could be years. But he also felt so confident about it, the little signs you had given him all night long became more and more obvious the more time passed between you._

_So, in a moment of absolute confidence, he leaned over to you, his lips brushing your earlobe. The way you shivered and bit your bottom lip was the last sign he had needed as the words left his mouth. “Let’s go back to the hotel.”_

_Your eyes were blown wide and he could see the desire written in them as he pulled back to look at you, grinning as you nodded. “I was hoping you’d say that.”_

With a soft smirk on his lips he closed the gap between you, inwardly sighing in relief. He had been dying to kiss you again after your little make out session the other day. But he kept it rather innocent and short, trying to keep in mind that you were in a public place and he couldn’t just pull you into his lap- no matter how much he wanted to. “Do you want to get out of here?” he murmured, so quietly that you definitely wouldn’t have heard it in the crowded bar if he wasn’t so close.

You turned your head a bit sideways as he nosed along your jaw, a grin spreading over your lips. “What, does the old man need to go to bed already?” you teased and gasped as his teeth nipped on your earlobe.

“Darling,” he rasped, his hands sliding up and down your thighs and leaving a trail of goosebumps behind, “you and I both know that you’re getting a kick out of the age difference,” he murmured into your ear.

He expected you to tease him a little more, make him work for it, but instead you slid off the barstool and stood between his legs. His hands had automatically moved up your thighs to rest on the sides of your butt, desperately wishing that he could just push his hands under your dress and feel more of your skin. He almost held his breath as you placed your hands on his chest and slowly let them slip further down, his heart racing as he wondered what the hell you were going to do now- in a crowded place like this. But before you reached the top of his jeans your touch left him and instead you took his hand into yours, giving him a smirk that had him suppressing a moan.

He didn’t question it, simply followed you as you guided him through the bar, his eyes widening as he realized that you were approaching the restrooms. Quietly murmuring your name, the only response he got was your hand squeezing his as the two of you stepped into one of the- thankfully- empty restrooms where you immediately pulled him into a stall. He was breathless as you pushed him to sit down on the closed toilet lid, his hands on your hips pulling you between his legs.

His eyes were pleading as he looked up to you, fingers lightly digging into your skin as he tugged you even closer while pushing his face against your chest. You grinned and tangled a hand into his hair, enjoying the kisses he placed on your clothed chest before his teeth found your nipples. You gasped his name and tugged on his hair as he very gently nibbled on the hardened buds through the fabric, getting so lost in the feeling that it took you several moments to remember why you had taken him here.

You took a step back and grinned as his grip on you tightened like he wanted to pull you back in when someone else stepped into the restroom, his eyes widened. But the look of panic in his eyes vanished as quickly as it had appeared when you sunk to your knees in front of him. His lips parted as he watched how you undid his jeans and pulled the zipper down, mouthing your name as you reached under his boxers and pulled his hard cock out. Shaking your head, you raised your free hand and placed a finger on your lips to silently tell him to be quiet before you rested your hand on his thigh and leaned in.

He sucked in a sharp breath as you slowly licked from the base to the tip where you twirled your tongue around the sensitive head before you wrapped your lips around him. Biting his lip to stop himself from moaning, he tilted his head back and tangled his hands into your hair as you took more of him into your mouth while your hand held him at the base.

You barely even took notice of the person leaving again until Cez released a deep moan and whimpered your name.  _“More,”_  he mumbled and- without applying too much pressure- gave you a gentle hint to take more of him. You wanted to laugh at the light push against the back of your head, but followed his request as you leaned in further until his tip bumped against the back of your throat. He released a low growl at the feeling and tightened his grip on your hair, breathing shakily as you pulled back until you only sucked on his tip again. “God, you just know how to drive me insane, don’t you?” he sighed, your gaze moving up to meet his blown eyes watching you.  

You put on your best innocent eyes and blinked up at him in a way that had him groaning loudly while you moved down his length again, making sure to push your tongue against the vein on the underside of his dick.

You felt so powerful there on your knees, working him closer and closer to his high that he was so desperate for. And you felt even more powerful as you noticed him starting to tremble and breathe heavier while his length twitched against your tongue, chuckling inwardly as you pulled back with a wet sound. “No, fuck. Come back,” he whined and tried to push your head back to his crotch, but you were getting up. “What-?”

“Payback, darling,” you grinned and pecked his lips, hinting at the fact that he’d had so much fun edging you during your last time together.

You gasped as he quickly got up and pushed you up against the locked door, his eyes darkened. “You think you’re funny, huh?” he grinned, slightly taken aback as you returned the grin with so much sass instead of backing down like he had expected you to. And out of all the possible reactions from him you never expected that he would chuckle and playfully nudge his forehead against yours. “Let’s go home, kitten.”

The nickname gave you immediate goosebumps.

 

* * *

 

There was one thing you were absolutely certain of- Cez totally had a thing for pushing his girls up against walls and kissing them until they were breathless. You would probably grin at the realization if his tongue hadn’t been busy exploring your mouth while his hands were seemingly everywhere, caressing, pinching and grabbing. You started wondering if he would end up taking you right here against the wall, his jeans simply shoved down and your panties only pushed aside-

The feeling of his hands sneaking below your dress brought you back to reality, fingertips tracing up the back of your thighs before he cupped your butt in his strong hands. You hummed into the kiss and tightened your arms around his neck as he gave you a firm squeeze, simultaneously pulling you up against his crotch where you could feel the hard outline of his cock pressing against your thigh.

You grinned as he broke the kiss to get his mouth on your neck, remembering how fidgety he had been during the entire car ride back to his place, trying to adjust himself in his jeans over and over and muttering how  _it was all your fault_  when you had giggled at him.

You gasped as he dropped to his knees in front of you, his hands tracing all over your thighs while he peppered a few soft pecks over your skin, slowly going higher. Tightly biting your bottom lip, you couldn’t stop the whimpers from escaping as his head slowly disappeared underneath your dress.

He kissed over the front of your panties and briefly pushed his tongue against your clit through the fabric before he moved higher up. His teeth bit into the waistband, slowly dragging the piece of clothing down until it dropped to pool around your feet. You leaned back against the wall and closed your eyes as he guided one of your legs over his shoulder before his tongue was right where you wanted him most, licking a broad stripe through your folds until he reached your clit where his lips wrapped around the bundle of nerves.

You were a gasping and moaning mess, his tongue working in all the right ways to have your thighs trembling already. And yet he pulled back with a unhappy grunt and shook his head while he got to his feet again when he remembered the promise he had made to take his time with you. “We’re going to do this the right way,” he said in a firm voice and, before you could react in any way, he grabbed you and threw you over his shoulder.

The way you giggled and lightly kicked your legs had him chuckling as he made his way up the stairs and into his bedroom where he carefully set you down on the floor, your eyes full of wonder as you looked around. You hadn’t seen his bedroom at all yet and before you could fully appreciate it he got your full attention again by reaching around you to slowly tug the zipper of your dress down.

You raised an amused eyebrow that he returned with a wink and a smirk. Confusion filled his features as you placed your hands flat on his chest, but before he could ask you gave him a shove so he landed flat on his back on the big king sized bed. He chuckled and shifted further up until his head rested on the pillows before he propped himself up on his elbows, watching with darkened eyes as you let your dress fall to the floor where you left it along with your heels.

Left completely naked, you gave him a seductive smile and crawled over him, straddling his lap. His hands immediately came to rest on your butt as he tugged to get you to move higher up, which you followed at first without thinking much about it. It wasn’t until you were kneeling over his chest that you realized what he wanted. “No way. My thighs are way too big for that. I’ll choke you,” you protested and ignored his pushing hands trying to get you to move.

“Promise?” he smirked and gave you a final firm yank, successfully having you kneeling right above his face. Your mouth dropped open as his eyes filled with pure desire as he looked up to you, slowly licking over his bottom lip before he lifted his head off the bed to get a taste of you again. His eyes immediately fluttered closed as he moaned against your core, keeping you attached to his mouth and pulling you down with him as he rested his head on the bed again.

Both of your hands reached down to tangle into his unruly hair while his fingers tightly gripped your butt cheeks, his mouth eagerly working on your most sensitive parts. “Oh my god,” you breathed and tightly bit your bottom lip, your head tilted down to watch him.

He had his eyes closed, all of his features relaxed like he couldn’t imagine being in a better place right now with his mouth sucking on your clit and his hands kneading your butt. The way his beard felt on the inside of your thighs had you absolutely speechless, the scratching and yet kind of tickling sensation something you had missed so much. He could feel how you slowly started to relax above him, having to keep himself from grinning at the realization that you trusted him enough with this even though you were insecure about it first.

Tightening his grip on your bum and shifting you just a bit, he had you gasping and squirming as he pushed his tongue into you.  _“Ohmyfuckinggod,”_  you whimpered as he curled his tongue just perfectly inside of you, one of your hands untangling from his hair to brace it against the headboard instead. “Cez,  _fuck,”_  you moaned, panting and trembling above him, your eyes squeezing shut as your head tilted back.

He didn’t stop until you were gasping for breath, pulling his tongue out of you again and placing a soft kiss on your clit. “Fuck, you taste so good,” he murmured and lightly blew on your clit, your hand clutching the headboard as you moved away. He immediately released a deep growl and pulled you back down, your eyes opening to look down on him with a pleading expression in them. “Stay,” he warned, his eyes on yours as he moved his focus to your clit again. You tightly bit your bottom lip and took a shaky breath, the way he kept switching between softly licking and roughly sucking making your heart race and chest heave.

He released a soft moan against your core as you slowly rocked your hips, his hands squeezing your butt in a way that encouraged you to keep going. Biting your bottom lip, you hesitated, but with the way he was looking up at you with begging eyes you grew a bit more confident. Rolling your hips again, you let your eyes fall closed as he moaned against your clit once more. His hands guided you until you fully gave in, shamelessly riding his tongue and having him moaning and groaning against you over and over.

He released a displeased grunt as your movements slowed down, trying to get you to pick up the former pace again, but you didn’t follow his guiding hands. So, with a deep growl and a little bite to the inside of your thigh that made you yelp, he reached up to grip your waist and lift you up. You were breathless as you flopped down on your back beside him, your eyes closed and a little whimper falling from your lips as you felt him climb on top of you. Gentle hands traced down your sides while soft lips touched your neck in tender kisses, his voice nothing more than a whisper against your skin. “What’s wrong?”

He had noticed how you were fighting against your high instead of chasing it. “I told you, I’ll choke you,” you sighed and opened your eyes as he slowly kissed his way down your body. Grinning against your stomach, he shook his head and moved between your legs as you spread them for him again.

“‘wish you could see how pretty you look right now,” he murmured and dipped his head down, wet lips touching the inside of your thighs. Biting your bottom lip, you released a soft moan as he lightly sucked on your clit before he pulled back again to place a few more kisses over your thighs. Lips parting, he sucked on your skin, desperate to leave a mark behind on you that would remind you of this for the next few days. You mumbled his name in a pleading way and moved a hand down to tangle it into his hair while he reached up, cupping your boobs in his hands and teasing your nipples. You hummed in protest as he shifted to kiss over your lower stomach, meeting his smug gaze as you looked down on him. “What makes you think that you deserve to come after you teased me so much earlier?” he asked, chuckling as you pouted. “Don’t think that I forgot about that,” he grinned and placed one more kiss right below your belly button before he pushed himself up.

You whined and watched as he climbed off the bed. “God, I hate you,” you sighed and rolled to lay on your stomach, the sound of clothes rustling and hitting the floor reaching you.

You couldn’t stop the soft smile as he crawled on top of you, his lips immediately attaching to your back and leaving small pecks behind that made you hum in content. Parting your legs, you allowed him to settle down between them, his chest pressing flush to your back and a hand braced on the pillows beside your head to keep his full weight off you. “Do you really?” he murmured and brushed your hair aside so he could place tender kisses over the side of your neck, his fingertips tickling down your side before he gently gripped your hip.

“Maybe,” you muttered and felt how he grinned against your skin. “But you could try to make up for it,” you suggested. He released a low growl and lightly bit your shoulder as your hips raised just a bit off the bed, his own instinctively pushing forward so his hard length brushed through your slick folds. Turning your head to the side so your left cheek was pressed against the mattress, you grinned as he immediately moved to nibble on your jaw in an almost playful way. “Cez, please,” you whispered, your eyes opening just as he shifted to place a kiss on the corner of your mouth.

“You sure?” he whispered, his hand on your hip squeezing gently as you squirmed like you were trying to get him to move, the way you rubbed your core over his cock making him breathe a little heavier. “It’s your call. I don’t mind using a condom.”

You nodded and closed your eyes again as he moved to kiss along your shoulder again while his hand left your hip to instead reach for his throbbing cock. The way you tilted your hips against him had him smirking, seeing the way your fingers curled into the thick covers in a tight grip as he slowly pushed forward. Your reaction was immediate- your spine arched as you gasped, your eyebrows furrowed in pleasure as you quietly moaned his name.

The sight had him heavily twitching against your walls as he slowly pushed in deeper, bottoming out with a smooth thrust and staying buried deep inside of you. His teeth were lightly digging into your neck as he panted against your skin.

Last time he had been so concentrated on making you beg for him that he hadn’t taken a moment to appreciate just how great you felt like this- so warm and so perfectly wet and your walls hugging him like you had been made just for him. It gave him the feeling like he belonged right here, deep inside of you.

“Shit, kitten,” he murmured against your skin and shifted his hips like he tried to get even deeper inside of you, a little whimper falling from your lips. You were squirming underneath him as he pulled back just an inch before he immediately moved back into you like he couldn’t stay away from you for too long. “Feel so good,” he mumbled and pulled back further this time. He was quick to find a slow and deep pace- so deep that you were scrambling to hold on to anything, the feeling leaving you shaking beneath him.

Bracing his weight on his forearms on either side of you, he reached for your hands and intertwined his fingers with yours, letting you cling to them.

It was so quiet this time. Compared to the other two times he didn’t feel the need to have you screaming below him- even though the sounds you made were the most beautiful ones he had ever heard. This time he wanted to let you bask in how perfectly the two of you fit together. He could feel that this time you needed him to love on you and not fuck you into the bed until it was about to break. “Fuck, Cez,” you mumbled and lightly dug your nails into the back of his hands. “You’re so good to me.”

His heart roared in pride and a feeling of affection filled his chest. Tilting his head down, he peppered soft kisses along your shoulder and gently nibbled on your skin, his beard lightly scratching your skin and making you sigh.

The feeling of his lips on your cheek made you open your eyes, your head lifting off the pillows and turning to be able to kiss him. He quietly moaned into your mouth and shifted as you propped yourself up on your elbows, keeping your stomach flat on the bed. One of his hands untangled from yours to curl it around the front of your throat, taking notice of how you immediately tightened your grip on his hand.

You breathlessly moaned his name as he applied just a bit of pressure, a shiver running down your spine that had him grinning. “Cez, can we-” you swallowed heavily and felt his thumb pushing against your pulse point, feeling the way your heart raced, “can we switch?”

Placing a kiss on the side of your neck, he pulled out of you and pushed himself up on his knees. “Everything okay?” he murmured as he watched you turn on your back below him, his eyes eagerly taking in your naked body.

“Mhm,” you hummed and reached out for him as he leaned over you, his lips exploring your chest while your hands tangled into his hair. “Back was starting to hurt,” you mumbled and felt him smile against your chest before he quickly licked over one of your nipples.

He placed a few soft kisses up to your neck while your hands traced down his back, a low chuckle rumbling in his chest as you cupped his butt in your hands. “What’re you doin’ there, kitten?” he rasped, his muscles clenching a bit as you gave the cheeks a playful squeeze.

“Appreciating fine art,” you giggled, your eyes full of joy as he pushed himself up to look down on you. His eyebrows raised as a mischievous smile spread over your lips, not getting the chance to ask before you already flipped the two of you over in a swift movement. But the surprised look on his face immediately turned into a smirk, placing his hands on your thighs as he looked up at you with eyes full of anticipation.

Biting his lip, he watched as you reached down and gripped his base- his cock twitching at the simple contact and making you grin- before you held him in place and lowered yourself down on him. It was way too hot to watch the way your eyelids fluttered and your lips parted with the quiet moan that slipped past while his length completely disappeared inside of you, his heart racing in his chest as he couldn’t decide where to look.

Your hands braced on his chest as you settled down on his lap, his eyes shifting back and forth between your face and where the two of you were connected so intimately. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” he sighed and bent his legs behind you, knees angled up and feet flat on the bed. A little smile spread over your lips as you pushed yourself up, releasing a gasp as he immediately thrust back into you. “C'mere,” he murmured and smiled as you immediately folded yourself over him, your chest pressing against his and your lips finding his as you let him take control again. Your soft moans were muffled against his mouth as he kept his thrusts gentle, his hands caressing your thighs and butt and back.

His eyes were soft and warm as you pulled back and braced a hand beside his head, the other cupping his cheek. The way you studied his features gave him goosebumps, his head tilting back as you lowered yours to his neck. Your hand moved from his face to his chest where you rested it right above his rapidly beating heart, your lips working wonders on his neck.

“Remember the scratches you left on my back in Spain?” he murmured, feeling the way you smiled against his neck. Simply humming in response, you let your lips trail up to nibble on his earlobe, noticing how he shivered for a moment. “Think you can do that again?”

You chuckled and placed a hand on his chest as you pushed yourself up, his eyes greedily trailing down your nude body. “Think you’re that good again?” you asked in return, seeing something in his features shift as a smirk spread over his lips.

Sitting up, he found your lips in a passionate kiss and swallowed the cry of pleasure you released as he snuck a hand between your legs. Two fingers placing on your clit, he let you grind against them while you rode him at your own pace.

He waited until you were close enough before he took control, rubbing quick circles over your clit and watching how your eyebrows furrowed in pleasure. Your muscles tensed up as you chased your release with quick rocks of your hips before you were thrown over the edge. Moaning his name, you pushed yourself against him and hid your face against his neck where you breathed heavily against his skin, the feeling of your nails scratching down his back making his eyes flutter closed.

He knew that it wasn’t enough to have you actually leave marks on him, but he couldn’t bring himself to care right now. The feeling of your walls clenching around him was something he would never get used to- even though this was the fifth time he got to feel you coming around him it still left him breathless.

He worked you through it until you relaxed against him, leaving a soft kiss on your shoulder before he let himself fall back again and pulled you along with him. You hadn’t fully come down from your high as he reached his buried deep inside of you. He tightly wrapped his arms around you and clutched you to his chest as he came with a moan of your name, muffled against your shoulder where he lightly dug his teeth into your skin. You met the sloppy movements of his hips and received quiet whimpers, his length twitching against your walls as he gave you all he had.

Both of you were breathless, a quiet whine leaving your parted lips as he grabbed your bum and lifted you up just enough for his softening length to slip out of you before he lowered you down again. You moved to rest your cheek against his chest, his hands immediately combing through your hair before you started giggling. “I mean this in the most platonic way,” you spoke up, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “No intentions at all,” you continued and grinned, turning your head to place a soft kiss on his chest. It took him a moment too long to realize that you were quoting his words when he had invited you to come to London. Lifting your head, you found him grinning widely in a way that clearly showed that he had no regrets. “That worked out very well, Cez.”

“I’m so not sorry about that,” he chuckled and playfully nudged the tip of his nose against yours before he captured your lips in a soft and slow kiss. “Do you want to sleep in my bed tonight?” he whispered as you nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck. His hands traced up and down your back in a way that gave you goosebumps as you shyly nodded, not seeing the way he frowned in worry. “Hey, it’s okay if you don’t feel comfortable-”

“No, I’d really love that,” you whispered and placed a kiss on his collar bone, “but I want to shower first. I feel like I smell of beer.”

“No offense, but you do smell of beer,” he responded and chuckled as you groaned in embarrassment and sat up, your cheeks flushed. “Do I even want to know how you got it into your hair?”

 

* * *

 

He stopped in the doorway of the bathroom as his gaze fell on you, buried underneath the thick covers with your closed eyes barely peeking out, a feeling of affection filling his chest. You had actually managed to fall asleep while he had been in the bathroom for not even five minutes, a smile spreading over his lips and his head shaking.

Turning the light in the bathroom off, he stepped over to the bed and also flicked the little bedside lamp off before he crawled into bed beside you. You released a distressed moan as the feeling of the mattress dipping under another weight pulled you back to reality, your eyebrows furrowing. “Shhhhh. I’m sorry, kitten,” he whispered and settled down beside you, your features immediately relaxing at his calm voice. “Go back to sleep,” he added.

You didn’t even bother to open your eyes as you squirmed closer to him, pushing yourself up against him and nuzzling your cheek against his chest as he wrapped his arms around you. He knew that you weren’t fully awake, so he stayed quiet and hoped that you would go back to sleep. “Beer?” you suddenly mumbled, your breath tickling on his skin.

“What?” he whispered with a confused chuckle, convinced that you were dreaming.

You shifted with a sigh and placed a little kiss on his chest. “Do I still smell like it?” you wanted to know, exhaustion clear in your voice.

He grinned softly and tightened his arms around you, his nose nuzzling into your hair. “No. You smell like me now,” he responded and felt the way you grinned against his chest.

“I’d rather smell like beer,” you sighed and giggled as he pinched your butt. Forcing your eyes open, you immediately closed them again as you realized that it was too dark anyway while you tilted your head up to him. His hands snuck under the T-shirt he had given you after you showered, his lips blindly finding yours in a couple of soft kisses. “Goodnight, Cez.”

“Goodnight, darling,” he whispered and placed a kiss on your forehead before you tucked your head into the crook of his neck. The motions of his fingers slowly tracing over your spine lulled you back to sleep, your body completely relaxing in his arms within a few minutes.


	11. Chapter 11

He had no idea how much time had passed since he had woken up. 5 minutes? Maybe 10? Or even 30?

He couldn’t stop watching you. The way your chest rose and fell in a steady pattern, your lips slightly parted and your hair the most beautiful mess around your head.

He could still feel your skin against his, the way your lips had felt on his neck. He subconsciously reached up to touch the spot where you had sucked on his skin, hoping- and wishing- that you had left a hickey behind.

His fingers were itching to reach out to you and caress your flushed cheeks and play with your hair until you woke up and he could cuddle you for hours. There was nothing more he wanted than to spend all morning in bed with you.

But instead a heavy feeling settled in his heart that made him get up. He had no idea how you were feeling. Did you also feel the connection? Or did you have feelings for Shawn?

 

* * *

 

The morning sunlight filled the entire place as you sleepily walked down the stairs, trying to fix your messy hair with one hand while you squinted against the bright light. “Hey, good morning,” his voice reached you, your head turning to find him in the kitchen, casually leaning against the counter with a mug in his hands.

Instead of responding you yawned, making him chuckle softly as he took in your appearance. The simple black T-shirt he had given you last night loosely hung from your shoulders, the sight turning him on more than he liked to admit. “Morning,” you mumbled and stepped closer as he reached his free hand out to you, hugging you to his chest with one arm. You released a content sigh and nuzzled your cheek against him, soft chest hair tickling your skin for a moment.

“Did you sleep well?” he murmured, his voice a deep rumble in his chest that vibrated against your skin. You hummed and nodded, closing your eyes as he brought his hand up to gently scratch your scalp. “Coffee?”

You didn’t respond for a moment before you sighed and pulled away from him. “’m gonna need underwear first.”

You didn’t even manage to take a step away from him before you were flush against his chest again, his coffee placed on the counter so both of his hands could freely roam your body. “But what do you need underwear for?” he grinned, nosing along your neck where he had left his marks on your skin last night. His hands didn’t even hesitate as they slipped beneath the hem of the T-shirt, cupping your butt and making you giggle softly as you squirmed in his embrace.

“Cez!” you laughed and pushed against his chest, but he didn’t let go of you. Your curvy body against his felt way too good, your sweet smell surrounding him and making him feel completely at ease.

You noticed how he relaxed against you, his hand gently kneading your butt while his lips brushed over your neck in the faintest kisses. Biting your bottom lip, you pushed your body a bit more against him and heard the low grunt that was muffled against your neck, one of his hands sliding up to rest on your lower back like he wanted to stop you from moving away.

His thumb slowly brushed back and forth over your back as he pressed his forehead against the side of your neck, releasing a content sigh as you pushed yourself up on your tip toes and wrapped your arms around his shoulders. His other hand moved up to rest on your back below your shoulder blades, both hands roaming your bare skin and making you feel so safe and protected in his arms.

But then the panic kicked in. Because,  _of fucking course,_  you couldn’t have one peaceful moment without your anxiety having to butt in.

He was  _older_. Which was usually a fact that made you feel all kinds of things, but right now your heart got heavy. What if he wanted to settle down soon? Start a family?

You weren’t ready for that yet. You had your whole career in front of you. You weren’t even sure if you wanted kids.  _Hell_ , you still felt like you were a kid yourself.

You wondered if he noticed that you suddenly got tense as he placed a lingering kiss on your neck and squeezed you against him for a short moment before he pulled back. “Go,” he whispered and gave your bum a gentle pat before he let go of you completely, “but don’t you dare to change into another T-shirt.”

You were giggling as you turned to leave the kitchen, feeling his gaze on you.

He was sipping on his coffee and scrolling through his phone as you returned barely a minute later, grabbing the empty mug he had placed next to the coffee machine before you hesitated. “What even is this?” you asked as you looked at what he apparently called his coffee machine.

He chuckled behind you. “It’s that thing where you press a button of your choice and it makes you a coffee. You know that thing?”

Looking at him over your shoulder, you raised an unamused eyebrow as he grinned widely. “Not helping.”

“Here,” he approached you and reached around you to press a button, bringing the machine to life immediately.

“Please tell me that you’re making me a big cup,” you sighed and couldn’t stop yourself from leaning back against him, smiling as he left a kiss on the side of your head.

“Absolutely.”

You grabbed the mug as soon as your coffee was finished and moved to sit on the kitchen island while he moved back into his previous spot. The sun shining in through the big windows behind you warmed your back while you sleepily sipped on your coffee, letting your thoughts wander.

“Hey, Cez?” you mumbled and looked up to him. His coffee was long gone, his full attention on his phone, though he moved his gaze to you as he heard you speak up. “You never told me more about your first threesome.”

You could see that he was surprised, but he chuckled. “You never asked,” he shrugged and placed his phone aside, hands pushing into the pockets of his sweatpants.  

“Well, I’m asking now,” you responded, sighing as he didn’t immediately start talking but instead waited for you to go on. “What kind of threesome was it?”

He raised an amused eyebrow. “The kind where I had sex with two other people,” he responded.

You groaned and rolled your eyes.  _“Cez,”_  you complained and received a chuckle from him, “you know exactly what I meant.”

Pushing himself up so he also sat on the counter, he let his gaze move to the windows behind you. “It was way back with two girls I knew from school. Heather and Amanda,” he told you, a little smile spreading over his lips as he reminisced, “a couple of years after we graduated I bumped into them at a bar in London. I’m not even going to pretend like the alcohol didn’t have an influence.”

“So what? It just happened?” you laughed and placed your- by now- empty mug beside you.

“No,” he shook his head and finally looked at you again, “I mean, kind of?” He grinned as you raised your eyebrows. “Things had already been flirty and a bit heated in the bar. It eventually closed for the night and we decided to head to Amanda’s flat. One thing led to another and… It did kind of just happen,” he shrugged.

Pure disbelief was written on your face. “And you were able to pleasure two girls at the same time- at the age of twenty-something?”

“Excuse me,” he gasped in offense, but you could see that he wasn’t serious, “are you questioning my abilities?” He dramatically raised a hand to his chest, but before you could respond he continued. “No,” he answered your question so bluntly that it took you by surprise.

“No?”

“Listen, I was basically still a kid. I didn’t have  _that much_  experience. So suddenly having two incredibly gorgeous women all for myself? I was overwhelmed,” he chuckled, a blush spreading over his cheeks that made you grin in amusement. “But they knew how to make up for it,” he added in a quiet voice and ran a hand through his hair as you raised an intrigued eyebrow. “You can’t imagine how hot it is to fuck a girl while watching her go down on another girl.”

Your mouth dropped open, making him laugh loudly and throw his head back. “You can’t be serious,” you deadpanned.

“I’m-” The sound of a phone ringing loudly stopped him from responding. Both of your heads turned towards the front door where you had carelessly left your phone next to his keys on the little table last night. “Shawn?” Cez asked, recognizing the custom ringtone you had for him.

“Shawn,” you confirmed with a nod and jumped off the counter.

“Isn’t it like in the middle of the night for him right now?” Cez wondered while you hurried over to your phone, his jaw clenching. The playful and calm mood was ruined now- he could already see that you were stressed before you even picked up your phone. He silently scolded himself. He should’ve stayed in bed with you. Or suggested to drink the coffee outside so you wouldn’t have heard your phone- so Shawn couldn’t have interrupted.

“If he’s still in Toronto, yes,” you sighed and quickly accepted the call. “Shawn?"  

"Hello, beautiful,” his voice was too loud and you could immediately hear that he wasn’t sober. “how’s it going? ‘hear it’s wonderful in London.” His voice was extremely off key and you couldn’t believe that he was singing a Jonas Brothers song to you right now. “I’ve been missing you-u.”

“Are you drunk?” you asked and walked back into the kitchen, shaking your head as Cez gave you a raised eyebrow.

Shawn giggled. You could almost see his rosy cheeks. “I am  _tipsy,”_  he declared and made it sound like he had never been any prouder in his entire life, which made you grin a little. “But I miss you.”

Your heart grew heavy in your chest. You had been so distracted since you landed in London that you had actually been able to forget about your worries of Shawn falling in love with you. Sighing heavily, you ran a hand through your hair and leaned against the kitchen island, elbows holding your weight up. “Where are you?”

“In a bar with Brian. But I went outside to call you and let you know that I’m mad at you.”

Cez slowly stepped up behind you and placing his hands on your shoulders, hoping that he could somehow help you relax so the stressed frown on your face would disappear. You let your head fall forward with a relieved sigh and your eyes closed as his thumbs gently dug into your muscles, slowly working the tension out. “Why are you mad at me?”

_“Be-cause!”_  Shawn exclaimed, his voice once again a bit too loud. “You didn’t even give me the chance to invite you to Toronto- ouch, fuck!” he muttered, your eyebrows raising and eyes opening again. Invite you to Toronto? You had no idea what he was talking about.

“Shawn?”

“You were supposed to spend the break with me, you know?” he mumbled, “I wanted to ask you to come home with me, so you could fall in love with  _me.”_

You had to bite back a moan as Cez found the especially sore spot that had been bothering you for days, lightly pushing back to silently tell him to keep going. “I’m not-”

_“NO!”_  Shawn’s loud yell made you flinch in surprise. “No, go away!”

“Give me your phone, Shawn!” Brian’s voice reached you, followed by rustling and the sound of Shawn protesting before the call got cut off.

Pulling your phone back, you stared at the dark screen before you released a heavy sigh. “What was that about?” Cez asked quietly. His arms slid around your middle as you straightened your spine and his lips placed a soft kiss on the side of your neck.

“Shawn drunk dialed me,” you mumbled, trying not to show that your heart was racing.  _So you could fall in love with me._

You were so fucked.


	12. Chapter 12

“Would you stop picking all those flowers? You’re ruining the whole spring feeling,” he mumbled, not even opening his eyes to look at you. The two of you had grabbed a picnic basket earlier that day and filled it with a bunch of snacks before you had  _finally_  gone to Hyde Park- where you had spent all your time lounging in the sun, stretched out over the blanket you had brought along.  

“Would you stop being a grumpy old man?” you responded and grinned as he blindly reached over to you. A giggle fell from your lips as he missed before he managed to playfully nudge your thigh on the second try, a smile playing on his relaxed features. “I’m making you a flower crown.”

His eyes fluttered open, squinting against the bright sunlight for a moment before he focused on you. “What?” he chuckled, a feeling of affection filling his chest as he watched how you carefully wove the flowers together. The sudden urge to sit up and kiss you made him swallow heavily, his gaze moving up to your face to find you completely concentrated on finishing the crown.

But then Shawn came to his mind again- you’d be back on the road in a few days and Cez was sure that things wouldn’t be this easy anymore then. He had seen the looks Shawn had given you before the break- he had seen Shawn crushing on a girl before and he knew that it was more than just a simple crush. That boy had been full on heart eyes around you. “You’re staring, Darke.”

“I’m thinking.”

“Care to share?”

Biting his bottom lip, he let his gaze move to the cloudless sky before he sighed softly. “I know we’re here to enjoy our time off, but could we just quickly talk about work?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah, of course,” you responded, not looking up from the flowers in your lap, “is there a problem?”

“Kind of,” he mumbled and raised a hand to rub it over his beard before he adjusted his glasses- a nervous habit that usually made you smile, but your stomach was in knots right now. You hadn’t expected that it would turn into a serious talk about work. “I’m worried about Shawn.”

You immediately dropped the flowers and looked at him with panicked eyes, your chest tight with concern. “What about him?” you wanted to know, your heart racing as his blue eyes met yours. What if something had happened to Shawn and you had been too busy trying to get over him to hear about it? What if something had happened to him while he had been drunk? But what followed took you by complete surprise.

“Kid is getting attached to you.”

It wasn’t a question. It was a statement that was way too true, though you weren’t sure if he knew how real the problem was. You hadn’t told him about what Shawn had said to you on the phone and you didn’t know how much of the conversation he had heard.

You sighed and nodded, picking up a flower and twirling it around between your fingers. “I know. I’ve noticed,” you whispered, “but I don’t know what to do about it.”

Sitting up, he took a deep breath and noticed his heartbeat getting faster as he contemplated his next words. “I know that it’s none of my business, but…” he took a deep breath before he continued, “what happened between you and Shawn that I wasn’t a part of?” He asked and immediately saw how you blushed. Reaching over, he took one of the flowers and shifted a bit closer, carefully tucking it into your hair and grinning as your cheeks filled with even more color. “I know that  _something_  happened.”

“I know. You mentioned it when…” you trailed off, suddenly hyper aware of the fact that you were in a public place.  _When we had our second threesome._  Swallowing heavily to get rid of the memories, you looked into his eyes again. “How did you figure that out, anyway?”

Raising an amused eyebrow, he silently looked at you for a few seconds before he spoke up. “How else would Shawn know that you’re on birth control and have this fantasy of getting fi-” his words were muffled against your hand that you had quickly clasped over his mouth, feeling the way he smirked under your palm. Reaching up, he grasped your wrist and tugged your hand back. “What, are you suddenly shy about that?” he teased, enjoying the way you blushed deeply.

Shaking your head at him, you couldn’t hold back the grin at the smug expression on his face. He had known exactly that he would make you blush with that. “We’re in a public place, you know that, right?” you responded. “What if that kid over there has supernatural hearing and catches every single word we’re saying?”

“You’re ridiculous,” he sighed and rolled his eyes, “come on, spill.”

“Why should I?” you squeaked, “it’s none of your business.”

“Well, my first threesome also wasn’t any of your business and I told you about it anyway.”

Sighing deeply, you let yourself fall back so you laid flat on your back. “We spent a night together a while after… after our first threesome together,” you admitted in a quiet voice. “And then the other morning, too. After our movie night when you left to go to the gym,” you added and felt immense guilt weighing on your shoulders as you looked at him again. “I know I shouldn’t have done that, okay? I know.”

“I’m not blaming you for it,” he told you and shook his head, but he could see that you were still tense. “Look, we also shouldn’t have slept with each other in Spain. I didn’t even think about saying no when Shawn proposed the idea of another threesome even though we promised that it would stay a one time thing. I didn’t hesitate to sleep with you the other night. So I’m sure if it had been me in Shawn’s shoes those times I would’ve also jumped at the chance to be with you again.” A short moment of silence settled between you while you worried your bottom lip between your teeth. “But none of this changes the fact that Shawn read way too much into it and got his feelings involved.”

You felt anxious as you sat up again and reached for the flowers to finish the crown, unable to just sit still. “I told him he can’t get attached to me,” you muttered and shifted closer to him, both of you sitting facing each other with your legs crossed.

“Did you really expect that to stop him?” he asked quietly.

You took a deep breath and shook your head. “Of course not.” Reaching up, you placed the flower crown on his head and didn’t fail to notice how he lightly moved into your touch- like he was chasing the feeling of your fingers in his hair.

His voice was hesitant as he spoke up. “Can I ask?”

“Ask what?” you mumbled and leaned back to look at him, smiling in satisfaction as you took in how adorable he looked with the flower crown.

“How do you feel about him?”

The question caught you off guard, your heart dropping and stomach clenching as you tried not to show any reaction in your features. So maybe you also got a bit of feelings involved. But your problem was that you were constantly surrounded by two incredible guys who had both won your heart a little. And maybe one of them had captured your heart more than the other. “Does it matter?” you asked, your gaze going over his shoulder, “a relationship on the road like this could never work out.”

“Have you ever given it a try?”

You showed no reaction at all for so long that he was sure you wouldn’t answer, but eventually you looked into his eyes again. “So let’s pretend that I also have feelings for Shawn and everything would work out just perfectly between us- how would you feel about that?”

His jaw clenched almost un-noticeably, his eyes shifting back and forth between yours while he tried to figure you out. Was this a trap? Were you trying to find out what he might be feeling for you with this? “That’s something you shouldn’t worry about if you’ve got feelings for someone else,” he finally responded.

“Which doesn’t answer my question at all,” you whispered, a smile playing on your lips.

His heart was heavy in his chest as he silently looked at you for several seconds, slowly leaning forward and bracing his elbows on his knees. “Why did you want me to kiss you that morning?” he asked quietly.

He could see that you knew exactly which kiss he was talking about. “I was barely awake, Cez.” For some reason both of your voices had dropped to a lower tone. “It was a weird reflex and I honestly can’t explain to you where it came from. I guess after you comforted me there in the bathroom I just… I don’t know. I felt closer to you,” you shrugged a little helplessly. “Why… Why did you kiss me, though?”

A boyish smile spread over his lips that made you grin. “Because I like kissing you,” he responded, the tension between you easing up a bit, “it’s nice. Just like having sex with you. But…”

“But what?” you asked as he hesitated.

He swallowed heavily and reached his hands out to you- flat palms facing upwards- and patiently waited until you placed your hands in his before he spoke up. “I’m terrified of fucking everything up right now, but I want to be as honest as possible with you” he whispered, receiving a little nod from you. “I would be lying if I said that I didn’t also get my feelings involved somewhere in all of this,” he admitted, noticing how your grip on his hands tightened just a bit. “You are the most beautiful and intelligent and independent woman I’ve ever met and I have so much respect and adoration for you. Even before anything happened between the three of us I sometimes found myself wondering if we could work in a relationship,” he told you, his thumbs slowly brushing over the back of your hands, “but inviting you to come here and spend the break with me made everything a little more complicated.”

Biting your bottom lip, you dropped your gaze to your hands. “Do you regret bringing me here?”

“God, darling. No,” he cooed and shifted closer to you, his knees touching yours. “I loved every second I got to spend with you,” he said and gave your hands a gentle squeeze, waiting until you looked into his eyes again. “It’s just that-” he broke off, seeming like he was trying to find the right words, “after spending all this time with you I started thinking about us in a relationship again. But there are so many things that are holding me back from simply throwing myself into a potential love story with you.”

“Like what?”

He silently studied your features for a long moment. “Like the fact that I don’t know where you’re standing right now,” he answered and saw how you swallowed heavily. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to force you to make a decision right now. I just… All of this has turned into such a huge mess and there’s so much to figure out- for all of us. And I won’t let myself entertain the idea of us together before I know that you’re 100% with me and that there’s no part of you attached to Shawn.”

He could see the tears in your eyes right before you tilted your head down and avoided his gaze. Quietly saying your name, he gently squeezed your hands, but you didn’t look up to him. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, Cez,” you mumbled, your voice trembling, “it's… no matter what I’ll do in the end, I will end up breaking at least one heart.”

Thumbs brushing over your hands, he slowly let go of them and instead cupped your face in gentle hands, tilting your head up until your teary eyes met his worried ones. He gave you a soft smile and brushed the single tear away that had escaped your eye. Shifting so he sat beside you, he wrapped an arm around your shoulders and let you lean into his side. “Remember when we joked about getting married?” he murmured and rubbed a hand over your arm.

You hesitated for a long moment before you responded, not looking up to him. “You weren’t joking?”

“I was, I promise,” he grinned and watched some people walk past. “But… I’d love to give you that ordinary wedding and ordinary life, you know? It’s just that you’re always traveling. I’m always traveling. We’re not made for an ordinary lifestyle like that. We’d be climbing the walls after a few days because we’re so bored and restless.”

“We’re really one hell of a team, huh?” you sniffled.

“We are” he responded, the sincerity in his voice taking you by surprise. You slowly lifted your head and looked up to him. “We’re the best team on the road. Did we ever not manage to solve a problem, no matter how hopeless it seemed at first?” he asked, receiving a soft smile from you. “And there’s a reason why we’re not allowed to team up anymore when we’re playing some game in a bar or even just backstage, remember?” he reminded you, this time getting a genuine grin from you. Seeing you so happy made him consider not continuing, but he knew that he had to say it. You needed to know if you didn’t already. “But what I meant to say is that a relationship on the road is hard. It’s even harder when we go off to do separate projects and don’t see each other for months at a time,” he told you, a bit of sadness washing over his features.

Releasing a soft sigh, you leaned your forehead against his shoulder. “Can I just stay here and hide from the world for the rest of my life?” you mumbled and heard him chuckle softly.

Resting his cheek against the top of your head, he inhaled deeply and briefly closed his eyes. “But you have to keep in mind that the same applies to Shawn. You know he can’t sit still for five minutes unless he’s high,” he said quietly, “so no matter who you might choose in the end, you have to remember that it might be tough.”

Squeezing your eyes shut, you took a deep breath. Your thoughts were racing, just like your heart was. You had never expected that your friendship with Shawn and Cez would turn into such a huge mess because of one simple text message. It was all your friends fault- if she hadn’t started the conversation about threesomes none of this would’ve happened. All three of you would’ve gone to bed alone that night.

“Cez?” you mumbled and received a soft hum in response, “do you love me?”

You knew it was bold and that it caught him off guard- you heard how his breath hitched in his throat. But you needed to know.

“Not like that. Not yet,” he murmured, his hand placing on the back of your head, “I love you a whole lot, you know that. And I can see myself loving you even more. But if we’re not meant to be then I’d rather let you go to be with someone else- or no one- than to lose you.”

If he had known about anything that would happen once you were back on the road he would’ve kept you in this town forever.


	13. Chapter 13

It only took one look into those dark Bambi eyes to have all of the things you had been trying to forget hitting you with full force- one look into his eyes and you were immediately reminded of the intimate times you had spent with him. One look into his eyes was all it took for you to be reminded of all the things you had been trying to forget about during your stay in London. All the feelings you had been trying to fight against- hoping you’d get over it. You had failed big time.

You could see the longing written in his eyes as he caught your gaze from across the room, a little smile tugging at the corner of his lips. But then something changed- the longing turned into a hard and cold gaze and the smile vanished so quickly that you wondered if you had just imagined it.

Your heart felt heavier than ever as he turned his back to you in favor of talking to Andrew, swallowing heavily as you couldn’t take your eyes off him.  _So you could fall in love with me_. His words were still so clear in your mind, every fiber of your being dying to say the words.  _I have fallen in love with you. But I’m scared._

Your whole world was flipped upside down, the joy of your London adventure quickly replaced by regret. You shouldn’t have slept with him. You shouldn’t have accepted his offer to spend the break with him in the first place.

You wanted to run and hide. You wanted to go back to London when you had been able to forget about everything for a while and just have fun. When you had been able to pretend like you hadn’t fallen in love with Shawn- which was something that should’ve never happened.

Cez stepped into the room and gave you a warm smile that didn’t make you feel any better- in fact, you felt even worse. You had gone too far again. You should’ve known that spending too much time alone with him wouldn’t end well- especially considering your past together.

You watched with curious eyes as Cez stepped over to Shawn. Just like you had expected their usual bro-hug didn’t happen, instead they simply exchanged a mumbled ‘hi’. And the others noticed. Eyebrows raised and confused glances were exchanged, but before anyone could even attempt to ask a loud crash from the snack table caught everyone’s attention.

“Sorry, my bad,” Brian’s voice was sheepish, but as soon as everyone turned back to their previous conversations- the moment between Shawn and Cez forgotten again- he caught your gaze. The wink he gave you made you grin and shake your head at the realization that it hadn’t been an accident. Though your stomach dropped just seconds later- Brian obviously knew what had happened between the three of you. Had Shawn told him about it? Or had he figured it out- and if so, how many of the others knew about it?

 

* * *

 

“What the hell are you doing, Shawn?” you whispered to yourself as he once again hit the wrong note, your heart heavy in your chest as the confetti went off and you made your way backstage. He had fucked it up. Over and over. From missing notes, to forgetting lines, to simply stumbling over his own feet- it had been  _a mess_  and to be completely honest, you were glad that no one got hurt in the process.

Andrew was waiting behind the stage, shooting you a look like he was silently asking  _what the fuck?_. You shrugged and ran a hand through your hair, nervously nibbling around on your bottom lip. A few more members of the crew joined you, not having to wait for long before Shawn finally stepped off the stage. “What was that?” Andrew asked him the second Shawn was close enough.

A handful of confused and angry gazes met Shawn. And yours- which was the only worried one. The fact that you were worried with everything you had done lately made his anger intensify. You could see that he was angry and frustrated as everyone waited for him to explain. “Leave me the fuck alone,” he snapped and pushed past everyone, roughly shoving a few people aside and pointedly ignoring your gaze.

You hadn’t even noticed Cez stepping up beside you until his hand lightly placed on your back, your head turning to look up to him. He looked just as confused as everyone else. “I’ll try to talk to him later,” you sighed.

 

* * *

 

He ignored you. He ignored everyone. You had lost count how many times you had knocked on his door and begged him to open it, only to be ignored or to be told to get lost. Even through the door you could tell that he was angry and you were scared that he was angry at himself. You knew how much he cared about nailing his performances and you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you knew that he was beating himself up in there and you did nothing to help him.

So, you did the only rational thing everyone would do. You went to get another key for his room from Andrew.

“You can’t be fucking serious,” he sighed as you stepped into the hotel room- which was the biggest mess you had ever seen. Not like he trashed the hotel room in his rage, but it looked like he had just taken everything out of his suitcase and spread it all over the place.

He was sitting there, on the floor in front of the bed, his knees pulled up to his chest. “Shawn, what the hell?” you asked quietly and looked around with worried eyes, hearing him release an angry sigh.

“Leave.”

You took a step back and looked at him with wide eyes. “I am fucking worried about you, do you know that?” you responded, the anger in his eyes having your heart aching. It was almost like you didn’t recognize the guy in front of you anymore. You had never before seen him like this, not even when he had been at his lowest point. “Everyone is so worried about you.”

“So? Does that give you the right to come in here completely uninvited when I asked you to leave so many times?” he snapped and got up. For the first time since knowing him you were actually intimidated by his height as he looked down on you in a way that made you feel smaller than you were.

You crossed your arms in front of your chest and forced yourself not to look away, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of being the stronger one in this situation. “What is going on with you, Shawn?”

He scoffed in a way that made you clench your jaw and rolled his eyes. “You know, it’s funny that you think you got any right to come in here and then pretend like you give a damn fuck about me.”

You understood that he had bad days. You understood that he was in a bad mood every now and then. And you were okay with all of that, because it made him human just like everyone else. But that accusation right there was something you weren’t okay with. “Okay, you better change that tone right now, Shawn.”

“I’ll change my tone if you change your attitude of invading my privacy.”

You sighed heavily and nodded while taking another step back. “You know what, alright! I thought  _maybe_  you need someone to talk to after whatever happened tonight, but if you want to behave like  _this_ , then fucking go right ahead,” you said and turned to leave when he spoke up again.

“How was England,  _darling?”_

You stopped dead in your movements at the mocking tone in his voice, slowly turning back around to him and looking at him with wide eyes. “Is that your problem?” you asked, “the fact that I went to explore England in my free time?”

“Oh,  _come on,”_  he laughed in the most sarcastic way, “who are you kidding here, honey?”

_“Shawn,”_  you warned, but he kept going.

“Everyone knows the real reason why you went home with Cez. Do you really think anyone believes that you went to explore England?” he asked and broadened his shoulders as you pursed your lips and narrowed your eyes.

“You know what?” you responded and straightened your posture. “England was fucking fantastic. Until your drunk ass called me,” you immediately saw how his features dropped, “are we finally going to talk about that?”

Silently staring at you for a moment, he swallowed heavily before he turned his back to you- once again, which made your jaw clench. “There’s nothing to talk about,” he muttered and picked up a few clothes to carelessly throw them into the suitcase.

This time it was you who laughed sarcastically. “There’s actually  _so much_  to talk about.”

“You said it yourself. I was drunk.”

Rolling your eyes, you forced yourself to stay right where you were instead of walking over to his suitcase and grabbing the pile of clothes to fold them neatly- he was old enough to do that himself, even though you knew that he wouldn’t do it. “Yeah, but you wear your heart on your sleeve when you’re drunk,” you reminded him and saw how he faltered in his movements for a split second, “I know that, Shawn. Don’t try to tell me that you didn’t mean any of the things you said.”

He huffed and shoved the last pieces of clothing into the suitcase while muttering something under his breath that you didn’t understand.

“I told you that you can’t get attached to me. You promised that you weren’t getting attached to me,” you whispered.

“Well, it happened,” he snapped, his jaw clenched, not seeing how you flinched. His suddenly sharp tone had caught you off guard. “How could I not after all the things that happened between us? How could you expect that I wouldn’t develop feelings for you sometime during all of that?” he asked and turned to look at you, the anger from earlier visible in his features again. But below all of it you could see that he was truly heartbroken. It made your heart ache and the  _I love you, you idiot_  was lingering on your tongue, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say it. Not with this version of Shawn right in front of you, not after he managed to make you question if you really knew him as much as you thought you did. “But then you went ahead and went home with fucking Cez who probably had you screaming his name over and over until the neighbors complained-”

“Shawn!” You yelled, his eyes widening, “what the actual fuck?”

“Look me in the eye and tell me that you didn’t sleep with him,” he challenged.

Crossing your arms in front of your chest again, you felt your heart race in anger. Your fingers trembled as you stared at him, wondering where the lovely guy had gone that you had grown to love and adore. “It really shouldn’t matter to you if I did,” you responded.

He started laughing- which was the last thing you had expected in this situation. “So you did.”

“Yes!” you exclaimed and saw a flash of hurt cross his features before they turned cold again, “I did! One time. Are you happy now? This is what you wanted to hear, isn’t it?” your voice was still raised and you exhaled heavily as he stayed silent and slowly shook his head. “Fuck, I can’t believe that jealousy turns you into such an asshole,” you snapped and turned on your heel, making sure to slam the door as loudly as possible, not caring that it was rather late at night and other people might be sleeping already.

You didn’t even make it to the elevator before your anger turned into frustration, tears burning in your eyes and blurring your sight. Sighing heavily, you leaned against the wall and tilted your head back, your jaw clenching as the first tears fell. “Fucking hell,” you whispered to yourself and raised your hands to roughly brush the tears from your cheeks, shaking your head to yourself, “get a grip.”


	14. Chapter 14

Almost a week of cold shoulders and forced conversations passed between you and Shawn. It was exhausting and you were sure that everyone noticed it, but luckily no one really questioned it. The worst part was that things between you and Cez were tense too, even though you had no real reason for it. It was just the kind of impact Shawn had.

You had just gotten ready for the day ahead of you as a quiet knock from the door reached you. It was so quiet that you wondered if you had just imagined it, but you stepped over anyway and looked through the peephole.

_Shawn._

Your heart dropped before it started beating twice as fast, your whole body unable to move for a moment as you simply stared at him patiently waiting in front of your hotel room, seeming to rock back and forth on his heels in a way that looked way too cute. Taking a deep breath, you grasped the door handle and hesitantly pushed it down. You were so not ready for another argument with him, but when you looked into his eyes you realized that he felt the same way.

A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips as his gaze landed on you. “I don’t have a white flag to wave around,” he started, his voice quiet and soft, “so I need you to imagine it. I’m coming in peace.”

He looked adorable. His outfit wasn’t anything out of the ordinary- black skinny jeans and a hoodie- but his eyes still had that sleepy look that made you want to drag him into your room and cuddle him. “Good morning, Shawn,” you smiled and felt your muscles relax at the knowledge that he wasn’t here to start a fight.

“Morning,” he breathed with a little smile before he cleared his throat. “Can I invite you to have breakfast with me? And maybe talk about some stuff?” he asked, his voice clearly showing that he was scared of being rejected.

You couldn’t stop yourself from smiling, relief filling your chest. Your Shawn was back. “Just give me one more minute.”

 

* * *

 

He purposefully chose a small table meant for only two people so no one could get the idea of joining you. While eating you only kept up a bit of small talk, which finally didn’t feel forced anymore.

It wasn’t until both of your plates were cleared and you were absolutely stuffed that you noticed him getting serious, his fingers fiddling with his cup of coffee- or at least what was left of it. “So,” he began and swallowed heavily, staring at his empty plate while he seemed to sort his thoughts. “I’m sorry,” he looked up into your eyes, his own genuinely apologetic, “for everything I said the other night.”

You gave him a little smile. “I’m sorry, too. I had no right to just come into your room like that.”

“But you were worried about me,” he responded and ran a hand through his hair. “You just wanted to make sure I’m okay. But I had no right to be like that,” he sighed and took a sip of his coffee, “I had no right to ask you all of those things and accuse you like that. It’s none of my business and I just- you were right. Jealousy turned me into a real asshole.” Clearing his throat, he silently looked at you for a moment before he slowly shook his head. “I know it’s no excuse at all for my behavior, but I was so on the edge from that horrible concert and you really just caught me in the wrong moment,” he explained. “And, umm- I’m also sorry for that call,” he put his cup away so he would finally stop playing around with it and gave you his full attention, his heart racing in his chest, “I can’t and I won’t deny that I’ve fallen in love with you, but telling you that over the phone while I was drunk was another asshole move. And it was a good thing that Brian took my phone before I could admit more things.”

“Like what?” you asked quietly.

He hesitated for a long moment and silently studied your features before a small smile tugged at his lips. “Like that I can’t imagine something better than being able to call you my girl,” he whispered and immediately saw the blush spreading over your cheeks, “or how I would love to go back to that morning we spent together.” His foot lightly bumped against yours below the table as you averted your gaze. “Or telling you that I would catch the next flight to London so I could get you and take you back to Toronto with me.”

You lightly bit your bottom lip. “That’s kidnapping, Shawn.” He chuckled softly. “So you really wanted to invite me to Toronto?”

He nodded, his hand ruffling through his hair again. “Yeah. More than anything,” he admitted in a quiet voice, his cheeks turning rosy, “would you have come?”

“Oh, hell yeah,” you responded and received a wide grin from him, “I would’ve loved to see how you try to make me fall in love with you while I was desperately trying to fight against it.”

You could see the emotions washing over his features, confusion turning into surprise before it turned into affection. “Was?” he repeated.

“Was,” you confirmed with a nod, a glimmer of hope filling his eyes, “when I saw you again after the break I realized that I lost that battle.” He reached across the table and took your hand into his, his fingers slowly lacing through yours. “But…”

He leaned in closer and slowly shook his head. “No, don’t say ‘but’,” he pleaded, a certain desperation in his eyes that made your heart ache.

You swallowed heavily and felt his grip on your hand tighten. “The other night made me reconsider everything,” you whispered, immediate regret and hurt filling his features, “it felt like I didn’t know you anymore.”

His other hand also reached across the table, engulfing your much smaller hand in both of his. “I am so sorry, honey. If I could I would turn back the time- so I’d never say any of those things to you.”

Tears burned in the back of your eyes and your teeth dug into your bottom lip. “It made me feel like you were intentionally trying to hurt me, you know?” your voice trembled a bit. He vigorously shook his head and looked like he was also close to crying, but you continued before he could get a single word out. “Even before the whole argument about London, when you accused me of not caring about you- that really hurt.”

“Honey, I don’t- fuck,” he sighed and shifted his gaze to his empty plate, slowly shaking his head to himself. His eyes were full of determination as he looked at you again, tears glistening in them. “Please give me another chance. Let me show you that I’m still the same guy.”

“It’s not just that, Shawn,” you said quietly and shook your head, his heart dropping as you slowly pulled your hand out of his. “It’s so complicated, you know? I work for you. And Cez is also involved in all of this,” you reminded him, seeing how he swallowed heavily.

He looked over your shoulder towards the vague direction where you knew the rest of the team had claimed a large table- where you knew Cez was sitting. “So… as long as Cez is around there’s no chance for us?” he asked, his gaze trained on one spot and you were so tempted to look, but forced yourself not to turn around.

“I don’t think so,” you shook your head.

He was quiet for a long moment while he seemed to be deep in thought. “What if I’ll fire him?”

You were speechless as you stared at him, not even having considered that he might see it as an option- just so he could be with you. But the little smile that spread over his lips eased your worries immediately. “I might slap you if you fire him,” you grinned and shook your head, seeing the amusement in his features as he realized that he actually had you fooled for a moment.

Silence settled between you in which you let your gaze roam around the room before his voice caught your attention again. “Do you- do you know how much Cez’s feelings are involved?” he asked hesitantly, your head turning back to him.

You lightly bit your bottom lip. “More than he likes to admit, I think,” you mumbled.

He hesitated for a long moment, almost nervously shifting around in his chair. “And you?” he finally whispered.

“Don’t ask me something you don’t want to hear.”

Right in that moment you heard lots of movement behind you, your head turning to find the rest of the team getting up. Andrew gave the two of you a short nod towards the lobby, a silent sign for you to get going. Downing the rest of your juice in a quick gulp, you got up and followed Shawn, not failing to notice how he lingered for a moment so you’d have to take a different elevator.

“So… both of us?” he wanted to know as he watched the numbers above the doors, trying to figure out which one would reach the lobby first.

“I guess,” you sighed and shrugged a little helplessly, startling for a second as he placed a hand on your back and steered you over to the opening elevator doors. “It’s all just a big mess in my mind right now,” you added as the doors closed again, his gaze finding yours.

He was leaning against the wall opposite from you, silently studying you for a moment before he spoke up. “But you like me more, right?” He grinned, easing the tension and making you giggle. He didn’t seem to expect an answer as he immediately continued. “Did you enjoy London?”

Your heart dropped and you swallowed heavily as you averted your gaze. “Shawn, please don’t-”

“No, I didn’t- God, I’m such a dick,” he sighed and tilted his head back, regret visible on his features, “that was really just a genuine question.”

You gave him a soft smile as the elevator came to a stop. “I did. London is always fun,” you told him, receiving a smile from him, but you could see the hurt written in his eyes before you turned to step out of the elevator.

You were surprised as you felt his hand wrap around your wrist, turning back to look at him with confused eyes. “You never-” he broke off, his thumb slowly caressing the inside of your wrist. Swallowing heavily, he looked at you with hopeful eyes. “Can you give me another chance?”

“You don’t need another chance,” you shook your head, “you never stopped being my best friend.”

You knew that he hadn’t meant it like that, but you couldn’t let him get his hopes up. You could see the defeat all over his face as he nodded and slowly let go of your wrist again.

 

* * *

 

He knew. That was the only logical explanation you had in that moment- the only explanation why Andrew wanted to talk to you, Shawn and Cez in private. Andrew knew. And you were so fucked.

Your heart was racing as you followed him through the backstage area, hearing Shawn and Cez closely behind you as Andrew led you into an empty room. You didn’t even think about sitting down on one of the couches as you ran your trembling fingers through your hair, not paying much attention to the other guys as you tried to figure out how to get out of this mess. Should you lie? Tell the truth?

But before you had any time to find a solution you heard the door close, your heart dropping and skipping a beat as you hesitantly looked up to find Andrew looking back and forth between the three of you. “Alright, guys,” he sighed and crossed his arms in front of his chest, “I can’t ignore it any longer. Would anyone like to tell me what’s going on between you?”


	15. Chapter 15

_Your heart was racing as you followed him through the backstage area, hearing Shawn and Cez closely behind you as Andrew led you into an empty room. You didn’t even think about sitting down on one of the couches as you ran your trembling fingers through your hair, not paying much attention to the other guys as you tried to figure out how to get out of this mess. Should you lie? Tell the truth?_

_But before you had any time to find a solution you heard the door close, your heart dropping and skipping a beat as you hesitantly looked up to find Andrew looking back and forth between the three of you. “Alright, guys,” he sighed and crossed his arms in front of his chest, “I can’t ignore it any longer. Would anyone like to tell me what’s going on between you?”_

The silence that followed was deafening. You were sure they could hear your heart racing- it felt like it was about to jump out of your chest.

Andrew seemed impatient as he looked at the three of you, from Shawn, who moved to sit on one of the couches and ran a hand through his hair, to Cez, who rubbed a hand over his beard and stared at the floor, to you, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Not blinking. Not moving. Just waiting for the crash.

Sighing heavily, Andrew pointed at you, then at Cez and then at the couch where Shawn was sitting. “Sit. Talk.”

You walked over on shaky feet and sat down beside Shawn who shifted to make more room, quickly finding yourself squished between him and Cez- exactly how it had all started. You almost wanted to laugh at the irony.

“Guys…” Andrew sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “there’s obviously something going on that keeps you from doing your jobs properly and that’s something I can’t accept. So, please. Just talk to me so we can find a way to work it out. It can’t be that bad.”

You hadn’t even noticed that you had nervously been playing around with your fingers until Cez gently placed his hand on top of yours, effectively bringing you to a stop.

“Do you even know what kind of rumors are going around about you right now?” Andrew asked as he realized that none of you would start talking anytime soon.

Shawn’s head snapped up, eyes wide as he looked at his manager. “What do you mean?” he asked, panic clear in his voice.

“Not in public, calm down. Just within the crew,” Andrew responded and once again didn’t get an answer. “People seem to think that you had a threesome.” The fact that none of you seemed shocked at the statement or even tried to deny it was enough confirmation. “You have to be fucking kidding me, guys,” Andrew groaned. “How- no, you know what. I don’t want to know.”

It felt like you were back in highschool and in the principal’s office after having gotten into trouble as Andrew started pacing up and down in the room, your head slowly turning to Cez who gave you a little shrug before you turned to Shawn. He was watching Andrew with a frown on his face, swallowing heavily before he spoke up. “Andrew, listen-”

“You know,” Andrew turned around to face the three of you again, his gaze on Shawn, “when your whole career took off your mom asked me to take care of you and make sure you’re not doing something stupid. I’d say this falls into the category of stupid.”

Shawn’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “Woah, no. Don’t bring my mom into this conversation.”

You couldn’t hold back the small smile, your heartbeat slowly going back to normal, but you were still tense.

Cez sighed softly beside you. “Andrew, there’s nothing stupid about it. We’re three consenting adults. We just had some fun. It’s not like we made a sex tape and it leaked online.”

You wanted to laugh at the look of sheer horror that appeared on Andrew’s face, his eyes looking like they would pop out of their sockets any second. “Oh my  _fucking_ \- please tell me you didn’t record any of it.”

“Of course we didn’t!” Shawn rolled his eyes, “we’re not stupid. We just had sex. Calm the fuck down.”

Andrew ran a hand over his face and sighed heavily, slowly sinking down on the couch across from the three of you. His gaze landed on you, your heart immediately skipping a beat. “You know what people will say about you?”

Before you had the chance to just say a single word Shawn already spoke up. “She’s not in the spotlight whatsoever. If any of it ever reaches the public eye- which it  _won’t,”_  his voice was firm, “I’ll take the whole backlash. Okay? I’m the one who suggested it and I’ll deal with it, even though there won’t be anything to deal with.”

“Are you even aware of what it would do to your career?”

Shawn laughed loudly, which seemed to take all of you by surprise. “Hey, another pop star with a sex scandal. That’s something the world hasn’t seen before,  _right?”_  he asked, his voice sarcastic.

“God damn, guys…” Andrew sighed and shook his head.

“Hey, if anything, you should be glad that it stayed within the team,” you spoke up, getting a strange sense of comfort in the way Shawn lightly pushed his thigh against yours, “you know you can trust us and that no one will accidentally say something or use it for attention. Be glad that there wasn’t an outsider involved we’d have to worry about.”

Andrew silently looked back and forth between Cez, Shawn and you, his face clearly showing that he was absolutely done with your shit. “Who knows about this?”

“Just us,” Cez answered.

“Actually,” Shawn winced and hesitated, “Brian knows.”

“What?!” Cez exclaimed, “why the hell does Brian know? Did you have to brag in front of your friends?”

Shawn’s jaw clenched as he turned to look at his tour manager, his eyes showing that he was offended. “I didn’t!”

“Then why did you have to tell Brian?”

“I was fucking devastated that you took the girl I fell in love with home with you!” Shawn’s voice was raised a bit and you could see that his fingers trembled a bit. You didn’t dare to look into his eyes, instead tried to pretend like you weren’t even there while the two guys argued with you in between them. “He was there to catch me and obviously had some questions.”

“And instead of simply leaving it by ‘I fell in love’ you had to tell him the whole fucking story?”

“No! I only told him about the first time.”

You had almost forgotten about Andrew in the room as he spoke up. “There was a second time?” Slowly looking at him where he was still on the couch across from you, you could see the pure disbelief in his features.

Shawn swallowed heavily. “Oh.”

“You are such an idiot, Shawn,” Cez sighed and rubbed a hand over his face before he adjusted his glasses.

Arms crossing in front of his chest, Shawn exhaled loudly and rolled his eyes. “Oh, fuck off, Cez. I know you also couldn’t keep your hands to yourself in London,” he spat.

“Says the guy who was unable to keep his hands to himself twice before me.”

Shawn grinned. “Jealous?”

You knew that it would’ve escalated into a fight right there if it wasn’t for Andrew interjecting. “Guys!” he yelled, all of you jerking in surprise as you turned to look at him. “I feel like I’m missing  _so many_  points right here and honestly, I’m glad because I’m sure I don’t want to hear the full story, much less any details. Just…” he sighed heavily and shook his head, “either find a way to work it out or don’t let it affect work.”

You swallowed heavily and nodded while Cez spoke up beside you. “We’ll work on it, promise.”

Andrew sighed loudly and leaned back against the couch. “Thank god you’re not on the same tour bus.”

“Actually-” Shawn started, but was immediately interrupted by his manager.

_“No!”_

 

* * *

 

“Can you open it?” you asked as a soft knock filled the hotel room, Cez’s eyebrows raising. He had come around after the concert with two pizza boxes and you felt way too full to get up from your comfortable position on the bed.

“In your dreams,” he responded and laughed as you sighed heavily and climbed off the bed, not even bothering to look through the peep hole as you opened the door.

“Hi,” Shawn gave you a wide grin, though it faltered a bit as he spotted Cez stretched out on the couch behind you. You saw the short moment of confusion and disapproval crossing his features before he masked them with one of his award winning smiles and simply pushed past you into the room. Raising an amused eyebrow, you let the door fall shut again while you returned to your spot on your bed- laying on your stomach- while he toed his shoes off. “What are you guys doing?” he asked and approached the bed.

The air got quite literally knocked out of your lungs as he unceremoniously flopped down right on top of you even though there was more than enough space for him beside you, one of his legs slotting between yours as he reached for a slice of your pizza. “God damn, Shawn!” you groaned, his joyful giggle right beside your ear as he placed a sloppy kiss on your jaw, “get off!”

“But I’m so comfy right now,” he sighed dreamily and somehow managed to make himself even heavier, only rolling off of you as you squirmed beneath him. “So, Andrew, huh?”

“I thought he might pass out,” Cez chuckled, making both Shawn and you grin widely.

“I’d just like to know how the rumor of us having a threesome even started. Who started it,” you wondered out loud, Shawn immediately sitting up.

“I know what you guys are thinking, but it wasn’t Brian,” he immediately jumped to defend his best friend, which made you smile.

Grabbing the last slice of pizza, you sat up too and leaned against the headboard. “No one said it was him.”

“I know. I just want to clear that up because he was also the first person I had in mind. But I talked to him after our meeting and he swears he didn’t tell anyone.”

“Relax, Shawn,” Cez spoke up, his head turned to look at both of you, “it’s not like we’ll gang up on him and attack him at the next given chance.”

Silence settled amongst you as you finished your pizza, wondering if the guys were also thinking of the conversation earlier today. Your heart dropped as you remembered a certain part, a sour feeling settling in your gut. “Hey, guys?” you asked quietly and nervously fiddled with the bedding. Shawn hummed beside you. “Do you… remember how Andrew asked me if I’m aware of what people will say about me?”

“What about it?”

“Do you think he was implying that I’m a whore?” The words had barely left your mouth as Cez sat up straight and looked at you with wide eyes while Shawn shifted beside you, but you didn’t look at them. “Because that’s what it sounded like to me,” you admitted in a whisper.

You heard a lot of movement before the bed dipped under another weight while Shawn moved closer to you and wrapped an arm around your shoulders. “Hey, honey,” Shawn’s soothing voice was right beside your ear as he leaned in to place a kiss on your temple, “you know that’s not what he meant.”

You slowly looked up as Cez sat down right in front of you, worry written all over his face as he slowly shook his head. “I know that’s not what he meant,” you sighed softly and let your gaze drop to Cez’s hands slowly curling around your thighs. “But that’s what people will say about me, right?”

“Darling,” Cez spoke up, your fingertips ghosting over the back of his hand and prompting him to immediately twist his wrist so he could intertwine his fingers with yours, “no one will say anything like that about you, because no one will ever find out. Okay?” he pressed and waited until you nodded your head before he smiled in an almost encouraging way.

Reaching for your free hand, Shawn gently engulfed it in his own and gave you a warm smile as you looked up to him. “I know Andrew made it sound like it will definitely go public, but I promise you that it won’t. And even if it did we could just brush it off as a ridiculous rumor. You know there’s no proof that anything ever happened between us.”


	16. Chapter 16

There was no alcohol- which, according to Brian, was the biggest issue of the entire night. The-world-is-ending kind of issue.

“Then go get some if it bothers you so much. You’re a big boy,” Shawn grumbled after listening to his best friend complain once again.

“Excuse me, I’m not the host of this party,” Brian responded.

“It’s not a party, dude. We’re literally just 4 people,” Shawn sighed heavily and kept his gaze on his phone. You grinned while Connor chuckled into his bottle of Coke, both of you deeply amused by the scene in front of you.

“Oh, so we’re not enough anymore for the famous Shawn Mendes?” Brian mocked, to which Shawn groaned in exasperation and threw his head back, making all of you laugh. You looked at your phone as it beeped with an incoming message, your eyes rolling as you read Shawn’s name on the screen.

_‘so that new movie you wanted to watch’_

Looking up, you saw that he was still typing around on his phone, a concentrated look on his face.

_'I talked to Jake and he agreed to chaperone us’_

And then the next text already came in.

_'wanna go see it when we’re in Chicago?’_

Swallowing heavily, you looked up to find him staring at you, a hopeful expression on his face and lips pulled into a little pout.

Ever since the two of you had breakfast together Shawn had asked you out so many times- friendly dates, as he called them. To settle things between you again. To show you that he was still the same Shawn. To show you that he was the one for you- which was always the point when you reminded him that they weren’t friendly dates if those were his intentions. He found so many different reasons and so many different ideas of things to do, of which you actually wanted to do a few of them. He had even showed up in front of your hotel room one morning with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. But you had shot him down with a heavy heart every time, telling yourself over and over that it was better this way. You shouldn’t get his hopes up before you knew what you wanted.

But no matter how often you told him no, it didn’t stop him- if anything, it seemed to encourage him even more. In fact, this little 'party’ was the first thing he had gotten you to agree on and he knew that it was only because the two of you wouldn’t be alone.

_'You know exactly what I’m going to say’_  you texted back.

You saw how he inhaled deeply before he placed his phone aside, a heavy feeling settling in your chest.

 

* * *

 

Connor was the first one to leave a little later with the excuse of still having to edit some footage from the previous concert.

It didn’t take long before Shawn moved to join you on the couch, an arm casually stretching over the back of it and his thigh lightly touching yours. You ignored it, deciding that it wasn’t a big deal and kept up the conversation with Brian. It wasn’t until Shawn’s arm moved to wrap around your shoulders that you looked up to him with warning eyes and subtly nodded over to Brian.

Shawn grinned and shook his head, tugging you closer into his side until you were completely pressed up against him. “Brian knows,” he reminded you in a low murmur, his nose playfully nuzzling into your hair.

“Brian knows,” Brian repeated and got up, “and Brian goes.”

Looking at him with wide eyes, you watched as he quickly gulped down the rest of his soda before he placed the empty bottle on the table and grabbed his phone. “See you in the morning,” Shawn said, something in his voice giving you the feeling like he couldn’t be happier that Brian left.

“Have fun, guys. Be safe and all that shit. You know the drill.”

You waited until the door closed before you looked up to Shawn. “This was your plan, wasn’t it?” you asked, your eyes narrowing.

_“Noooo,”_  he dragged the word out like it would help to prove his innocence and reached after you as you got up, but missed you by barely an inch. “Don’t go,” he pouted as you sat down on the edge of the bed instead.

“Shawn,” you sighed softly and ran a hand through your hair, “do you think I’m just playing hard to get? That I like pushing you away?”

He silently studied you from across the room before he slowly shook his head. “Do you think I’m running after you all the time to make things harder for you? To annoy you?” he responded and got up, your heart starting to beat faster as he sat down next to you again. Running a hand through his hair, he pushed that one curl away that kept falling into his eyes before he turned to look at you. “I’m not doing this because I like being rejected over and over again,” he told you and slowly reached over to you, his hand hesitantly curling around yours. It felt like a weight got lifted off his chest as you twisted your wrist and allowed him to lace his fingers through yours. “But I know that I’ll lose you if I give up. And I know that I might still lose you to Cez and I will absolutely respect your decision, but then I can at least say that I did everything I could to try to win you over.”

“You know I’m not rejecting you because I like hurting you, right?” you asked quietly and received a little nod, “I just don’t want you to get your hopes up on something that might never be.”

“I know that,” he whispered and nodded again, “but I won’t rest until you tell me that you don’t want me.”

You raised your eyebrows in surprise and confusion. “And what if I might tell you the exact opposite?”

He grinned. “Then I’ll run after you even more,” he murmured, “just because you might finally be my girl doesn’t mean that you can’t leave me again. I’ll do everything I possibly can so you don’t find any reasons why you should want to leave.”

You hated to admit it, but you got lost in his eyes. The way he looked at you with so much adoration had you so close to just falling into his arms and giving in to him. But then you remembered Cez. “I should go,” you whispered and got up, but his grip on your hand only tightened. Dark brown eyes looked up to you with a pleading expression in them, his hand slowly pulling you closer until you stood between his legs and he had to tilt his head up to be able to look into your eyes.

For a moment neither of you moved while he simply looked up to you, his heart racing in his chest as he contemplated his next move. He knew he should let you go. But he couldn’t. Not when he finally had you all to himself again after all this time, finally no one else around. He could see how your lips parted as he slowly let go of your hand, but no sound came out. Not even when his calloused fingertips touched your bare thighs, the amount of skin that your shorts revealed had driven him insane all night long. And it had also made him so incredibly jealous- he had seen that Connor hadn’t been able to take his eyes off of you.

His gaze shifted down to your thighs as he guided them around his legs before he tugged you closer, your knees digging into the mattress on either side of him. One of his hands immediately- without the slightest moment of hesitation- slid to rest on your butt as you settled down, straddling his strong thighs. Your gentle hands came to rest on his shoulders as you slightly leaned forward. He watched as your gaze dropped to your hands that slowly slid down his torso, exploring his muscular chest through the fabric of his T-shirt.

Your touches were so simple and no big deal at all and yet it was enough to have his mind in overdrive. After not having seen you for a few weeks and then not being on best terms with each other it didn’t take much to have his blood rushing south quicker than it should.

Gaze dropping, he slowly let his fingers trace over your bare thigh from your knee to the edge of your shorts, noticing with a bit of pride swelling in his chest that he left goosebumps behind on your skin. “You’ve been working out.” Your soft voice pulled him out of his thoughts, his gaze moving up to your face again to find pure fascination written in your eyes as your fingers trailed along his abs.

Biting his lip to hold back a grin, he reached to take your hands into his, fingers intertwining with yours as your gaze found his. He simply hummed in response and let himself fall backwards until he laid flat on his back, swallowing heavily at the sight of you perched on top of him- something he had only been able to dream about these past few weeks. Raising your intertwined hands, he peppered soft kisses over your knuckles while he tried to memorize the view in front- on top- of him, fearing that he might never get to see it again.

Your heart was racing in your chest as you watched him below you, seemingly deep in thought while he placed soft and lingering kisses over your hands. Your mind was screaming at you for allowing him to do this, but you couldn’t bring yourself to get up and leave. Especially not when his eyes finally met yours again and he gave you a little smile and let go of your hands to instead place them on the sides of his face.

He sighed in content and felt like all of his muscles relaxed as you cupped your hands around his cheeks before you leaned forward a bit to run your fingers through his hair. His hands immediately came to rest around your waist, his eyelids fluttering as you lightly scratched your nails over his scalp. “You should stop,” you whispered and yet followed as he gave your waist a gentle tug, folding over him until your chest almost touched his. Your familiar weight on his crotch made his heart beat a little faster, desperately trying to think of something else, but failing big time.

“Stop what?” he asked with a lazy grin, his hands slipping around your back and looking up to you with the most content eyes.

Seeing him so relaxed and carefree made you want to ignore the ache in your heart and let him live in this moment, but you knew that you shouldn’t. So the words left your lips before you could stop them. “Letting me play with your heart like that.”

You could see how his relaxed features briefly shifted into confusion and a bit of hurt before he exhaled a slow breath. “You’re not playing with my heart,” he stated so confidently that you raised a surprised eyebrow, your eyes falling shut as he lifted his head off the bed to place soft kisses over your cheeks and jaw.

“Oh?” you mumbled, knowing that you should pull away. But you couldn’t.

“No,” he whispered, placing a light and lingering kiss right at the corner of your lips like he was just daring you to turn your head and kiss him properly. He stayed so close that you could still feel his breath on your face, the tip of his nose lightly brushing over your cheek. “I’m fighting for you,” he whispered, immediate goosebumps covering your arms that only got stronger with his next words. “For us,” he breathed, his fingers curling into the back of your T-shirt as you turned your head and found his lips in a soft kiss.


	17. Chapter 17

Your grip on his hand had loosened a while ago as you had fallen asleep in his embrace, fingers still loosely intertwined with his and cradled close to your chest that moved with even breaths. If he could he would stop the time right now and stay with you like this forever, with your body fitting so perfectly against his- from the way your back was flush against his chest, to your legs tangled beneath the sheets.

He already knew that the time he had with you for the night wouldn’t be enough. As much as he was glad that you were getting some rest he also couldn’t help but wish that you were still awake- so he could keep listening to your soft voice and quiet laughter from across the pillow. So he could keep kissing every inch of your body you allowed him to kiss.

You shifted a bit and your grip on his hand tightened for a short moment before you relaxed again, his head tilting down to place a soft kiss on your shoulder through the T-shirt he had given you to sleep in. Rubbing slow patterns over your hand with his thumb, he placed another very light kiss on the side of your neck, his lips lingering for a few seconds longer than necessary.

“Shawn?”

His heart dropped. “I’m right here,” he whispered and placed another soft kiss behind your ear, hoping that he could somehow lull you back to sleep.

“I almost didn’t notice,” you mumbled in a sleepy and sarcastic voice, making him grin and tighten his grip around you. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“‘cause,” he murmured and left it at that, your head shaking with a breathy laugh as you realized that he wouldn’t continue.

Letting go of his hand, you wriggled around until you faced him, his hand on your back immediately pulling you closer again. “That’s a shitty reason, Mendes,” you whispered and looked up to him through the dark, your eyes falling shut as he leaned in to place a kiss on your forehead. He didn’t bother to respond as he peppered a few more kisses over your temple and cheek, smiling against your skin as you placed a sloppy kiss on his jaw. The sheets rustled as you shifted to tuck your head under his chin while his hand drifted down your body.

Your hand came to rest on his upper arm as his fingers traveled down your side, past the hem of the T-shirt and over your panties- where he briefly played with the delicate lace- before his fingers found bare skin. His touches were so light that it almost tickled as he slowly caressed down your thigh almost all the way to your knee before he made his way up again.

 

* * *

 

You didn’t know why exactly, but you had felt the need to get away from everyone for a bit. So, the second you had arrived at the arena you had grabbed your things and searched for a quiet corner where people would leave you alone for a while. Which is why you found yourself sitting on one of the black equipment boxes, your laptop in front of you on a slightly bigger box so you wouldn’t sit in a slouched position the entire time.

The sound of Shawn doing soundcheck faintly reached you and it subconsciously made you smile while answering an email. You were itching to go and watch him, but the amount of things you had to work on kept you right where you were. But it didn’t stop the memories from last night to fill your mind.

He had, once again, persuaded you to stay the night with him even though every part of your brain had screamed at you to leave. You hadn’t let him get anywhere though and you were sure that he had been disappointed that nothing had happened between you, but he hadn’t shown it. He had seemed so happy and content to just hold you and steal little kisses from you in the dark.

You could still feel his hands on you where they had snuck beneath your T-shirt, where he had caressed your lower back with gentle fingertips. You could still hear the little sounds your lips had made when he had kissed you, occasionally followed by his quiet and content hums. The way he had left little kisses along your shoulder while spooning you. The way he had immediately pulled you back into his chest as he had noticed that you had drifted apart while sleeping.

“I actually wanted to ask what you’re doing back here all by yourself, but now I’m more curious why you’re blushing and grinning to yourself like that.”

Your head snapped up to find Cez just a few steps away from you, an intrigued grin playing on his features. You wanted to ask how he had found you, but you stayed silent as he slowly approached you and sat down on the box across from you. “You know we got tables in some of the rooms, right? Where you could work instead?” he asked, amusement clear in his voice.  

You gasped in surprise.  _“No way!_  We’re finally cool enough to get tables?” you exclaimed, making him laugh loudly.

“Why are you hiding, kitten?”

Your playful features turned fond. “You haven’t called me kitten since we’re back on the road,” you noticed in a quiet voice.

A quick smile tugged at the corner of his lips before he sighed softly and nodded. “Yeah, I know. I don’t really want to use it when we’re around other people, especially since we know that there are rumors going around about us.”

“That would definitely raise some eyebrows.”

“But you’re not answering my question,” he murmured and lightly nudged his foot against your leg.

You shrugged. “I just needed some time away from everything,” you mumbled and immediately reached out to him when he attempted to get up. “No, I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t mind your company.”

His mouth opened to respond, but his walkie-talkie came to life before he could get a single word out. “Hey, guys?” Shawn’s voice reached you, your eyebrows immediately raising in surprise. “I think it’s quite unfair that almost everyone here has one of these except for me and Brian,” he continued, a little smile spreading over your lips.

Reaching for the device, Cez raised it to his mouth. “The fact that this is the first thing you say after somehow getting your hands on one already shows that you don’t deserve one.”

Both of you waited for a reaction, but nothing came. Putting it aside again, he turned his full attention back to you. “So things with Shawn aren’t great?” he asked quietly.

Your eyebrows raised in surprise. “Why would you think that?”

“Because you’re hiding here,” he responded and gave you a rather sad smile. “Or are you hiding from me?”

“No, I’m not hiding from anyone,” you shook your head and closed your laptop to give him your full attention. “I just… Shawn and I are okay. We talked it out and it’s been pretty much normal again since then,” you shrugged and ran a hand through your hair. You didn’t dare to mention the night before. He really didn’t need to know about that.

A short moment of silence settled between you while he studied your features, noticing how exhausted you seemed. Immediate worry settled in his chest, though he didn’t know that the reason you hadn’t gotten much sleep had been Shawn keeping you up with cuddles all night long.

Moving to sit on the box beside you, he smiled as you immediately leaned into his side while his arm loosely slung around your back. “I miss how happy you’ve been during the break,” he murmured, his hand sliding down to rest on the side of your butt before he even realized what he was doing. You sighed softly, though stayed silent. “You know, if I could I’d take you back in time,” he told you, his voice soft and the smile he gave you almost loving as you looked at him.

“To London?” you asked with a grin, for a moment entertaining the idea. What if you had stayed in London with Cez instead of going back to the states? Would the two of you be madly in love right now? Or would you already be miserable, not used to being in one place for too long?

Cez shrugged with a smirk. “Maybe even back to Spain. Spend that night with you again and then pack up in the morning and elope.”

You failed to notice that his voice was rather serious and sincere instead of joking- like you interpreted it. You threw your head back laughing. “I’m detecting some selfish reasons here,” you giggled, a grin resting on his features even though his chest tightened a bit.

Of course you wouldn’t take him seriously. You shouldn’t- it was a ridiculous idea, he knew that. But it had crossed his mind too often these past few weeks, especially while he had watched you and Shawn avoid each other for several days. “Can you blame me for wanting to relive that night?” he asked, your giggles slowly dying down as memories filled your mind.

You slowly shook your head, the atmosphere shifting from playful to tense. “No. Not at all. The sex was amazing,” you responded, seeing how his gaze flickered to your lips.

But the moment was ruined as Andrew’s voiced reached you, both you and Cez looking towards the walkie-talkie. “Uuuhhh, guys?” his voice was hesitant, your eyes widening as you stared at the device, “maybe you should turn this off if you keep talking.”

 

* * *

 

The defeat was written all over his face as you opened the door for him. You had expected that he would come sometime, but you hadn’t expected now, hours after the concert and well into the night when he should definitely be sleeping already. His hair was wet and his T-shirt was clinging to his body in some spots, making you wonder if he had rushed to get dressed after showering and hadn’t even dried off properly before he had made his way over to your room.

“Hi, Shawn,” you greeted him in a quiet voice.

He swallowed heavily. “Hi,” he whispered and gave you a rather unconvincing smile, “can I come in for a moment?”

“Of course,” you responded and stepped aside to let him in. He didn’t move to sit down somewhere, instead stayed in the middle of the room, his arms crossed in front of his chest in a way that screamed of pure discomfort.

“I… I heard that conversation earlier today,” he started, your heart skipping a beat even though you had known that he was here because of that. Or at least assumed that it was the reason for his visit. “Andrew was right next to me,” he explained and ran a hand through his hair as his gaze met yours, “I got some questions, if that’s okay with you.”

You swallowed heavily and silently looked at him, your heart racing as you tried to figure out what to do. You couldn’t tell him. Should you? He had seemed so overjoyed just that morning when he had stolen a little goodbye kiss from your lips before you had walked out of his hotel room. And now he was standing in front of you, looking like a picture of misery. “Shawn, I don’t-”

“Please,” he begged, his voice nothing but a broken whisper, “I’m killing myself with all the things I’m imagining.”


	18. Chapter 18

It was like a switch had been flipped- Shawn wasn’t the same anymore. He was still his old self when a camera was somewhere near him, but the second it was off it was like the light in his eyes died. He was quiet and reserved, not joining in anymore when the crew joked around, instead sitting on the couch furthest away from everyone while staring at his phone- if he was even in the same room.

You didn’t even care that people looked at you and Cez in funny ways. You didn’t care that the whole crew knew about your little night together. You couldn’t even bring yourself to care as a bunch of roadies said some  _very suggestive_  things and made you some obscene offers. You were too worried about Shawn to be bothered by any of it.  

They were standing off to the side of the stage, Shawn seemingly explaining something while pointing around the arena, Cez listening with a concentrated frown on his face while occasionally saying something into his walkie-talkie. You were relieved that their friendship apparently hadn’t changed much since Shawn had found out about Spain. And yet your heart was heavy in your chest, wishing so badly that things would just magically turn back to the way they were before this mess.

_Shawn was pacing through your hotel room while he seemed to gather his thoughts, deep worry lines visible on his forehead. “So you and Cez,” he spoke up for the first time since you had told him the story of Spain- or at least a quick summary of it. “When?”_

_“A couple of months after Cez started working for you,” you repeated what you had already told him a few minutes ago, his head nodding a little while he kept moving through the room._

_“So,” he ran a hand through his hair and finally stopped pacing, his eyes meeting yours for the first time since you had explained the situation, “so when we had our first threesome, you two…?”_

_“We’ve already had sex before then, yes,” you responded, his eyebrows furrowing._

_“And you didn’t tell me?”_

_Leaning back against the wall, you sighed heavily and didn’t break eye contact with him. “Why should we have told you, Shawn? Would that have changed anything that night?”_

_A long moment passed before he shook his head. “No,” he answered and slowly sunk down on the foot of your bed, staring at the floor, “not that night.” He didn’t say it out loud, but you knew what he meant._ It would’ve changed everything else.

_You hesitated before you stepped over to him and sat down on the floor in front of him, his dull eyes meeting yours. “I know you’re not happy to hear any of this, bub. But you can’t tell me that it would’ve changed anything about your feelings if you had known earlier.”_

_A little smile spread over his lips at the nickname and his eyes briefly fluttered shut as your hands came up to lightly rest on his knees. Your eyes were silently pleading with him to understand until he averted his gaze, his teeth tugging on his bottom lip and his fingers nervously fiddling with his ring while he seemed to be deep in thought. “How long did that go on? Back then?” he wanted to know._

_“It was just that one night. Nothing more.”_

You heard your name being called somewhere behind you as you walked through the seemingly endless corridor of the hotel, turning around to find Cez jogging towards you. “Hi,” you smiled and happily accepted the little kiss he placed on your cheek.

“I’m assuming you’ve talked to Shawn and that’s the reason why he’s so down lately?” he asked quietly as he fell into step beside you.

Quickly checking your room number to make sure you wouldn’t end up walking past it, you sighed softly. “Yeah,” you nodded, “he came around after the concert and had a lot of questions.”

Cez was quiet beside you for a moment. “What did you tell him?”

Reaching your room, you stopped in front of the door and fiddled with the key card. “Everything he wanted to know,” you answered and didn’t look at him as he stepped closer.

His hand gently curled around your waist in an almost comforting way. “Hey,” he whispered and patiently waited until you looked up to him, his thumb slowly brushing back and forth. “You know you don’t have to feel bad about any of this, right?” he asked quietly, his gaze not leaving yours, “we didn’t do anything forbidden that night. You don’t have to feel bad about it just because Shawn doesn’t like it.”

“I know,” you mumbled, “he’s just so different since he found out. And it worries me.”

A sound to your left caught your attention, both you and Cez turning your heads to the side. Your heart dropped heavily as you found Shawn standing down the corridor where the elevators were, looking at the two of you with an expression in his eyes that made you want to cry. His gaze flickered down to where Cez was still holding your waist- his touch disappearing immediately as Cez noticed Shawn looking- before he turned without a single word and walked down the corridor, away from Cez and you.

It was much later when you found out that his room was actually just two doors down from yours, your heart breaking as you realized that he had walked into the completely wrong direction just to avoid you.

_Shawn was silent as he ran his hands through his hair over and over again, elbows braced on his knees and gaze trained on the floor. You were just about to reach out to him again when he spoke up. “He’s always going to be one step ahead of me, isn’t he?”_

_“Shawn…”_

_He shook his head. “No, it’s true,” he mumbled, “I wanted to ask you to come to Toronto with me- he beat me to it. I thought only I had the pleasure of spending a night with you- he beat me to it long before I was even aware of my feelings for you. And it’s just going to continue like that, isn’t it? Whenever I think I’m ahead of him there’s gonna be something that will set me back so far.”_

_“Hold on,” you spoke up, your voice firm as you got up, “is this some kind of race for you? Like a game? See who gets me first?”_

_“How is it not a race?” he responded and looked up to you, seeing how you fumed on the inside- arms crossed in front of your chest and jaw clenched. Getting up, he approached you where you had taken a few steps away from him, a rather adorable frown playing on your features that made him smile. “Honey, it’s not like a game for us. It’s not like we made a bet or whatever you’re thinking right now,” he told you and reached for your wrists, gently tugging until you moved your arms, “but figuratively speaking it’s kind of a race. Once one of us stops chasing you the other has the opportunity to win your heart first.”_

Your heart was beating rapidly in your chest and your hands trembled as the elevator doors slid open, needing a moment until you got your feet to move before the doors would close again. You knew you had to do this. And yet you wanted to turn back and go to your room, every part of your brain begging to think about it a little longer.

You reached the door quicker than you liked, stopping right in front of it and hesitating. There was no going back if you knocked. Tears burned in your eyes as you stared at the wooden door, clouding your sight as you turned your head to look where you had come from. You could still turn and pretend like you had never been here. No one would ever know.  

But your hand raised, your heart heavy in your chest as you knocked.

Things might finally go back to normal. At least for Shawn.

_Your lips parted as he cupped your face in tender hands, fingertips carefully brushing over your skin as he studied every inch of your face. You wanted to reach out to him, to touch him and pull him closer, but you couldn’t bring your limbs to move._

_And then he took a step back and shook his head, disappointment filling your chest as his touch left you. “But I give up,” he sighed and shook his head, “you know that I love you and you know where to find me if you feel the same. But I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep getting my hopes up that I might have finally won your heart over.”_

_Tears burned in your eyes as he stepped around you to get to the door, his hand already on the handle as you spoke up. “What does this mean for us?” you asked, your voice trembling._

_His head lowered, but he didn’t turn to look at you. “Professionally speaking? Nothing,” he responded, “you’re still my PA and that won’t change. But I can’t be anything more than that with you until you know what you want. Who you want.”_

_Arms crossing in front of your chest in discomfort- or maybe a desperate try to hold yourself together and not fall apart right here- you blinked rapidly against the tears blurring your sight. “You know how I feel about you.”_

_You jerked in surprise as he quickly turned around to you. “Do I?” he asked, hurt written all across his face. “All you’ve told me was that you were fighting to fall for me. And that you’re conflicted. You never actually told me any of your feelings,” he reminded you, a moment of silence following like he was waiting for you to speak up. His features dropped as you bit your bottom lip and stayed quiet. Nodding in defeat, he turned back around, but you stopped him once more._

_“What about the things you said last night? That you’ll fight for us?”_

_Swallowing heavily, he let his eyes fall shut for a brief moment before he looked at you again. “You know exactly that ‘us’ doesn’t exist,” he told you in a quiet voice, “not until you can look me in the eyes and tell me that you love me.”_

You didn’t have to wait long before the door swung open and you faced Andrew’s kind eyes, surprise evident in them. “I know it’s late, I’m sorry,” you apologized, your voice quiet, “but do you have a minute?”

“Of course. What’s up?” he asked and stepped aside to let you enter his hotel room.

“I need to talk to you about something.”

_He was already halfway out of the door as he turned back to you, the devastated look on his face shattering your heart into a million little pieces. “Did last night mean anything to you?” he wanted to know, the tremble in his voice almost not noticeable. But it was there and it made you want to cry. “Or was it just convenient because you didn’t want to sleep alone?”_

_“You know that’s not true,” you shook your head and dug your nails into your upper arms like it would stop the tears from falling, “I know I didn’t make the smartest choices in all of this, but you can’t accuse me of using you like that.”_

_Tightly biting his bottom lip, he briefly looked at the floor before he found your gaze again. “Would you also have stayed if it had been Cez instead of me?”_

_Your bottom lip trembled as the tears started to freely roll down your cheeks. “Shawn, please don't…” you trailed off, silently begging him not to make you say it out loud._

_He nodded slightly. “That’s answer enough,” he mumbled before he turned to leave._

_The door falling shut followed by your quiet sobs were the only things interrupting the painful silence in your room._


	19. Chapter 19- Final Part

The ringing in his ears was so loud that he was barely able to concentrate on anything Andrew was telling him. This couldn’t be real. It had to be the worst joke in history. Was the team pranking him? Gulping, he forced himself to take a few deep breaths, his heart racing in his chest. “What did you say?” Cez asked, wondering if Andrew noticed the tremble in his voice.

He didn’t, apparently. “I said she’s leaving,” Andrew repeated the words that had knocked the air out of Cez’s lungs.

_She’s leaving_

_You’re leaving_

“What?” Cez breathed. If he pinched himself he would wake up from this nightmare, right?

“Yeah, I know,” Andrew sighed and adjusted his glasses, his gaze on his phone, “she came over to my room last night to talk to me about it.”

“You can’t be serious,” Cez responded, panic rising in his chest. You couldn’t just leave. There had to be a hidden camera around somewhere. Why was no one coming to tell him that he had been pranked?

“That’s what I said to her. But I wasn’t able to convince her to stay. I just wanted to let you know that there will be a quick meeting after the concert tonight.”

_She’s leaving_

The words echoed in his mind over and over, his chest so tight that it was getting hard to breathe. He knew he was about to have a panic attack. “Where is she?”

“I honestly don’t know. I’m guessing she’s packing her stuff,” Andrew shrugged.

The room started spinning around him. “What do you mean?”

“She leaves tomorrow morning. I don’t think she packed-”

Cez didn’t even wait for Andrew to finish. Tossing the headset on the nearest table, he rushed out of the room, checking all of the rooms on his way through the arena. But he couldn’t find you anywhere.

_She’s leaving_

He had to remind himself to keep breathing, his heart racing and blood rushing in his ears. This couldn’t be real. Maybe you were the one pranking him. Maybe you would clear it up when he found you. He could vividly picture you greeting him with open arms while laughing and telling him that you had just pranked him. But where were you?

Shoving the doors open, he ran out of the arena towards the tour busses. They were his last hope. He had no idea where to find you if you weren’t there.

Fumbling with the door for a moment, he finally got it open and climbed up the stairs only to hesitate. What if it was actually real? What if you were really packing your things right now? His heart was heavier than ever before as he slowly stepped further into the bus, feeling his knees go weak as he actually found you.

Your back was turned to him, a bag laying at your feet. He watched how you took things from your bunk and shoved them into the bag, tears burning in the back of his eyes.

_She’s leaving_

_You were actually leaving_

“So it’s true?”

You gasped and quickly turned around, startled as you hadn’t heard him entering the tour bus. Cez was standing just a few steps away from you, eyes filled with sadness as he looked at the bag on the floor. “Gosh, you scared me,” you sighed and placed a hand over your racing heart.

“Sorry,” he gave you a smile, though it didn’t last long. “You’re really leaving?” he asked quietly, the disappointment in his voice making your heart ache even more.

Your gaze went to the bag full of your belongings, your bunk completely cleared out and looking like you had never been there. “Uh, yeah,” you mumbled and forced yourself not to look at him as he stepped closer. You knew that those blue eyes would make you weak.

He was quiet for a long moment, his hands so careful as he cupped your face in them before he gently guided your head up until you looked into his eyes again. “I was hoping Andrew was just kidding around,” he sighed and reached out, tucking your hair behind your ear before he lightly caressed your cheek.

“I can’t stay,” you shook your head and crossed your arms in front of your chest in discomfort, “not while I keep hurting you and Shawn.”

Hesitating, he considered his next words, but when they came out they still sounded wrong. “You think that leaving will make us feel better?” he asked and immediately saw the hurt cross your features. “Don’t get me wrong, I understand why you made this decision,” he quickly added, “but you can’t expect that we’re going to be happy about it.”

A small smile tugged at the corner of your lips, but he could see that it was forced. “Do you think I’m happy about it?” you whispered, tears burning in your eyes. “This is all I ever dreamed of. To have an amazing job and being surrounded by incredible people everyday. While getting to see so much of the world,” you took a deep breath, “it’s not like leaving is easy for me.”

“Then stay,” he begged and reached for your hands, but you pulled them out of reach and shook your head.

“Cez, it’s final,” you sighed, his features dropping, “I’m leaving. We all knew it would have to end like this, didn’t we?” you asked, not receiving an answer from him as he tightly bit his lip. “A friend of mine with PA experience is on her way here to take my place until you find a replacement.”

“You really planned this out, huh?” he asked with a sad smile.

You nodded and brushed the first tear away that rolled down your cheek, not fighting against it as he crossed the distance between you and pulled you into a hug. He immediately felt you cling to his middle while you pushed your face against his shoulder, his hand placing on the back of your head. “Do the others know?” you mumbled, his fingers playing with your hair while you trembled in his arms.

“No, not yet,” Cez murmured and placed a kiss on the side of your head, “Andrew just told me. He said that there will be some kind of emergency meeting after the concert tonight.” He simply held you close to himself for a little longer until you pulled back and looked up to him with red rimmed eyes. “Where are you going now?”

“For now, back to the hotel,” you answered and grabbed your bag before you pushed past him to get to the front section of the bus.

“You won’t be at the concert?” he asked and followed you, watching how you stuffed your laptop into your messenger bag. You shook your head. “You know that will seem suspicious?”

“Andrew has an excuse ready.”

He swallowed heavily, a brief moment of silence filling the bus as you zipped up your bags. “And then? You’ll go home?”

“Yeah. But I don’t know if I’ll stay there. I feel like I need a completely new start somewhere.”

Slowly stepping closer to you, he gently cupped your face in his hands and looked down on you with a little smile. “You know, my offer still stands,” he told you, your eyebrows raising in confusion, “if you give me like half an hour to grab my stuff we could get to the airport and elope before anyone notices that we’re gone.”

You laughed, but the tears welled up in your eyes again. “You’d really run away with me?” you whispered.

He didn’t hesitate to nod. “In a heartbeat,” he murmured and gently brushed the tear away that rolled down your cheek. “Can you promise me something?” he asked and received a little nod from you. “Promise me that, when you’re ready, you’ll text me. I really don’t want to lose you just because of this mess we got ourselves into.”

A little smile spread over your lips, your hands raising to curl around his lower arms. “Promise,” you whispered, your thumbs lightly caressing his wrists. “Promise me something, too?”

“Of course.”

“Promise me that you’ll take care of Shawn. Not just when he finds out that I’m leaving. But also that he stays on the right track and that he doesn’t get involved with the wrong kind of people.”

He nodded and wrapped his arms around you, his grip tight and his heart racing under your ear. “I promise,” he breathed, his eyes squeezing shut and his cheek resting against the top of your head. If he didn’t let you go you couldn’t leave, right?

But eventually you managed to detach yourself from him, your heart heavy as you grabbed your bags and stepped out of the tour bus. Cez helped you load your bags into the car that was waiting for you to take you to the hotel, a sad smile on his face as you turned to look at the arena, longing written in your eyes- would you fight if he just grabbed you and carried you back inside?

Quietly murmuring your name, he hesitated as you turned to look at him. “Remember when we were in Hyde Park?” he asked, so many emotions filling your features as you gave him a sad smile and a nod, “you asked me if I love you.”

“I remember,” you breathed, wondering if he wanted to change his answer.

“I never asked you if you love me.”

Tears immediately clouded your vision as you averted your gaze, your heart pounding in your chest. “I do,” you finally nodded and looked up to him again. “You know I do. You’re the only one who can make me feel completely at ease and comfortable. You give me this feeling of home when you’re around.” You bit your trembling bottom lip. “But Shawn-”

“I know,” he whispered, “I didn’t ask because I want you to make a decision. I just needed to know.” Stepping closer, he gently cupped your face in his hands and leaned in to place a lingering kiss on your forehead, your eyes falling closed. “If you ever need a place to stay, you know my door is always open for you,” he reminded you and got a little nod from you, your eyes opening to look up to him again.

“I have to go,” you mumbled and slowly stepped back, his touch leaving you. You forced yourself to look away as you noticed the tears in his eyes, knowing that it didn’t take much to convince you to stay.

“Take care of yourself, darling.”

It took so much self control to actually walk towards the car. “Bye, Cez,” you whispered before you got into the vehicle, forcing yourself not to look back as you drove off.

 

* * *

 

On a completely spontaneous and slightly irrational decision you decided to go to the concert. But not like you normally did. Your backstage pass was safely tucked into a pocket of your purse, but instead of taking the back entrance you went to purchase one of the last tickets. You waited in line like every other fan there, went to get yourself a soda after you finally got into the arena and then went to your seat where you impatiently waited for him to start performing.

You couldn’t remember ever having seen a concert from this point of view- usually you were always at the side of the stage or even backstage working and not seeing a single second of the concert. But this was perfect- you had to see him happy and carefree one last time. You wanted your last memory of him to be a happy one.

And it was a happy memory- he was smiling from beginning to the end of the concert, nailing every vocal just perfectly. He seemed so happy as he danced around on stage. He had you singing and dancing along to every song, all of your worries pushed aside for the time.

It was the happiest you had been in quite a long time and you never wanted it to end. It was impossible not to be happy while watching him living his dream on that stage- especially when you had been there for so long, watching him fight his way to the top.

Though, once he got off stage and the lights went up again and people started leaving your stomach was in knots. Something kept you rooted to your seat as people pushed past you to get out. You knew that the crew was called for the emergency meeting right now. You could almost see Shawn, still all high on adrenaline from performing, sweaty and grinning, not expecting what Andrew was about to tell him.

You left before your feet would actually take you backstage to stop this meeting from happening.

 

* * *

 

Your last memory of Shawn didn’t stay a happy one- which you should’ve expected.

He pushed into the room before you had even properly opened the door, his chest heaving with his heavy breaths as he looked at you with complete desperation written in his eyes. “Please tell me that it’s not true what I just heard from Andrew,” he begged, his voice small and terrified. It broke your heart to hear it- especially with the knowledge that you were the reason for it. He reached up to run his fingers through his hair as you stayed quiet while you closed the door, panic clear in his eyes as he roughly tugged on the roots. “You can’t just quit,” he whimpered, tears gathering in his eyes.

You were sure that your heart actually shattered into a million little pieces at the sight. “You know I have to,” you whispered, not trusting your voice. Seeing him this weak had you on the verge of crying, but you knew that you had to stay strong right now.

He frantically shook his head. “No, that’s exactly the point. You  _don’t_  have to. There’s no reason good enough to make you quit.”

You bit your trembling bottom lip and leaned against the door, your arms crossing in front of your chest. “What if I’ll never be able to make a decision, Shawn? Or what if I end up choosing Cez?”

He slowly stepped closer to you and hesitantly reached out to brush your hair back. “I can live with that, you know?” he murmured, not even trying to hide his emotions from you, “I might write a few sad songs about you, but I’ll be fine.” He managed a small grin, but it didn’t last long. “All of that is better than losing you.”

“Are you even listening to yourself?” you whispered, his heart skipping a beat as your hands came up to rest on his chest. But then it dropped as he realized that it wasn’t a touch of affection, but rather to keep distance between your bodies.

“Honey-” He mumbled, but you shook your head before he could continue.

“Please don’t make this harder than it has to be,” you pleaded and lightly pushed against his chest until he- very reluctantly- took a step back, “I’ll just end up hurting your feelings over and over if I stick around.”

He took a deep breath and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “You know, I’m your boss,” he reminded you, “if you want to quit, you have to come talk to me.”

You had to stop yourself from rolling your eyes. “Okay. I quit.”

“I won’t accept that,” he shook his head, “your request has been denied.”

“It’s not a request,” you told him, “it’s a statement. I’m leaving in the morning.” You could see how his bottom lip trembled and his eyes got teary again. “Shawn, you have to let me go,” you whispered.

“You don’t get it, do you? You don’t get how much you mean to me?” he asked, his voice trembling and his arms uncrossing, helplessly falling to his sides. “You’ve always been there for me. Since like almost the very beginning. You were there all the time, no matter if I was sitting on the floor doubting myself or celebrating some award.”

You swallowed heavily. “So what if you fell in love with the idea of always having me around? And not actually me as a person?”

He couldn’t stop himself from stepping closer to you again, slowly reaching for your hands and almost sighing in relief when you didn’t push him back again. “If you really think that I just love having you around because it’s convenient, then you really don’t know how much you mean to me,” he murmured and slowly laced his fingers through yours, a little smile spreading over his lips as he noticed how your hand almost disappeared in his. His thumbs brushed back and forth over the back of your hands as he silently looked at you. “I  _love you,”_  he whispered, his voice so full of emotions that you forgot how to breathe for a second.

Your heart was pounding in your chest as you looked up to him, lips parting and a shaky breath slipping past. “I love you.”

His eyes immediately widened and his grip on your hands tightened, eyes shifting back and forth between yours. “You do?”

You nodded and gave him a weak smile. “I do,” you swallowed heavily, his hands letting go of yours to instead cup your face in his hands, “I’ve been so scared to say it out loud, but you deserve to know.” Reaching up, you curled your hands around his forearms and rubbed your thumbs over the inside of his wrists, his features relaxing immediately. “You’re the only one who can make me step out of my comfort zone. And you’re not scared to be vulnerable around me. Being with you is thrilling and calming at the same time.”

He was scared to ask, but he had to know. “Do you love me more than you love Cez?”

“I don’t know,” you whispered and saw his shoulders drop, “and that’s why I have to leave.”

Biting his bottom lip, he leaned in closer to rest his forehead against yours. “So you were just going to leave? Without another word?” he whispered, his chest tight as he reached to take your hands into his again.

You couldn’t bring yourself to fight him off. Tears were burning in your eyes as you nodded, his hands briefly squeezing yours. “I didn’t know how to tell you that I’m leaving.”

A low sob escaped his throat that made your heart clench painfully, the first tear running down your cheek. “You can’t just leave me behind like this,” his voice was pleading and his grip on your hands had tightened like he believed that he could keep you from leaving if he just held on tight enough.

“I’m not leaving you behind,” you whispered and shook your head, “I’m leaving so you can concentrate on living your dreams again.”

He tilted his head and rubbed the tip of his nose against yours. “But what if you’re a part of that dream?” his voice was weak and so small, a sound you had never heard before.

You squeezed your eyes shut. “Then you’ll have to accept that sometimes dreams don’t come true.”


	20. Epilogue- Shawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, y’all. You can’t just make me choose, okay? I refuse to. Nope. Make your own damn decision.
> 
> So, you’re Team Shawn? Congrats, this is the right post for you. You’re Team Cez? Please go to the next chapter and read his epilogue. Or read both. I’m not gonna stop you from doing that :)

If someone asked you how much time had passed since you had left your tour life behind you could answer with the exact amount of days, hours and minutes. It was pathetic. You were pathetic- and you knew it. You caught yourself watching videos of the tour so often, not sure if you were crying because you missed being there or because you were so happy to see Shawn living his dream.

But then, one afternoon, a box was in front of your apartment, your heart dropping as you read the address of the sender. Maybe you had forgotten something and they had decided to send it to you. It didn’t have to mean anything, right?

But it meant something. It meant so much, though you didn’t know how much as you opened the lid to find a cassette and a player inside, which made you laugh a bit. A cassette? It was only when you got that stupid old thing to work that you realized  _how much_  it meant.

_Can’t drink without thinking about you_

_I know that you’re the feeling I’m missing_

_Is it wrong for me to not want half? I want all of you, all the strings attached_

_I’m trying to move on, forget you, but I hold on_

_Everything means nothing if I can’t have you_

Tears burned in your eyes by the time the song came to an end, only to have you press play again. And again.

In fact, that was all you did for several days. You couldn’t stop listening to it, no matter how many times you cried over it.

And it didn’t get better as you finally found the little note in the box after two days of listening to the song, your heart officially breaking as you took in Shawn’s scratchy handwriting.

_‘I wrote this song while you were in London with Cez. Thought you deserve to hear it because you were kind of the inspiration behind it. I hope you’re doing alright, honey. Much love, Shawn x’_

 

* * *

 

It was late at night as a quiet knock from the front door reached your ears, your head lifting and gaze catching the time on the microwave as your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Stepping over to the door, you unlocked it and pulled it open, the sight that greeted you completely taking your breath away.

You almost gasped as you faced the dark brown eyes you hadn’t been able to forget ever since you had left, his lazy eye dropping a bit more like it always had after a long flight. He gave you a smile that was so full of unspoken words.

Soft.  _I know I look horrible, but I just spend 8 hours on a plane to get here._

Loving.  _Oh my god, my feelings for you have only gotten stronger since you left._

Apologetic.  _I’m sorry I’m just showing up like this without a warning._

Sheepish.  _Please let me explain myself before you kick me out._

And so ecstatic.  _Holy fuck I missed you and you still look as pretty as you did the last time I saw you._

And yet it only took him one little word said out loud for all of the walls you had built up to come crashing down, your heart racing in your chest.

“Hi.”

You were breathless, staring at him with wide eyes as you tried to get your limbs to move. Was he actually here? Or was this just another dream? But the hopeful look in his eyes finally got you to move.

His bag dropped to the floor as you threw yourself into his arms that tightly wrapped around your waist, lifting you a few inches off the ground while he buried his face into your neck. Tangling a hand into his hair, you pressed your cheek against the side of his face and took a shaky breath. “I’m so glad you’re here,” you whispered, his arms immediately tightening around you.

He inhaled deeply before he slowly lowered you to the ground again, though you immediately pushed yourself up on your tip toes and didn’t let him go far. His low chuckle was right beside your ear, tears of pure happiness burning in your eyes.

His hands were restless, roaming your back and grasping at your sides like he couldn’t believe that you were actually here- like he tried to find something that had changed since the last time he had seen you.

His eyes were just as teary as yours as you pulled back just enough to look at him, smiles spreading over both of your faces before you stretched up even more, his head lowering to meet you in the middle. He forgot how to breathe as your lips touched his in the softest kiss, his grip immediately tightening around you again and pulling you flush against his chest.

“I can’t give up on you,” he whispered, followed by another kiss, “on us.”


	21. Epilogue- Cez

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, y’all. You can’t just make me choose, okay? I refuse to. Nope. Make your own damn decision. 
> 
> So, you’re Team Cez? Congrats, this is the right post for you. You’re Team Shawn? Please go to the previous chapter and read his epilogue. Or read both. I’m not gonna stop you from doing that :)

His heart skipped at least two beats as he saw your name written on his phone. It had been so long since he had last received a text from you and his fingers were trembling as he unlocked the device.

_‘I think this is my “when you’re ready” text’_

His own words echoed in his head as he stared at your text.  _Promise me that, when you’re ready, you’ll text me._

It had been four torturously long months since you had left, but he hadn’t given up hoping that you might actually contact him again at some point.

Unable to stop himself, he pulled up your contact info and called you, his heart racing in his chest as he stepped over to the big windows while he impatiently waited for you to pick up. He had no idea where on the world you might be. You could be sleeping right now. Or you could be right around the corner.

He forgot how to breathe as the dial tone came to a stop, followed by quick rustling before your voice reached him. “Hi, Cez.”

“Darling,” he breathed, his gaze on the view in front of him, but he didn’t concentrate on anything happening around him. All that mattered was you right now. “You have no idea how good it feels to hear your voice again.”

You giggled softly, the sound so familiar and yet so new. He had almost forgotten what it sounded like. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry for going so MIA on you.”

He shook his head even though you couldn’t see it. “No, don’t apologize. I understand why you felt the need to get away from everything after all that has happened.” A short moment of silence settled between you, his eyes closing as he concentrated on the sound of you breathing on the other end of the line. “Where are you?”

“I’m at home,” you sighed, “I wanted to leave so badly, but something kept me from starting all over somewhere completely new.”

He considered his next words and hesitated to say them out loud. “Can I come visit?” he whispered, desperately hoping that you had been serious with your text.

You laughed quietly. “That’s actually what I wanted to ask you,” you responded, his gaze going behind himself where he remembered you sitting on the couch reading his favorite book on that rainy morning. It felt so long ago. “I’d love to see some more of London. Or England. I’m really not picky.”

 

* * *

 

He hadn’t been able to stop fidgeting around ever since he had seen that your flight had touched down. For some reason he didn’t stop watching the screen where all the arrivals where listed, almost like he feared that something would change.

But when 10 minutes had passed and nothing had changed yet he managed to tear his eyes off the screen and instead looked over to where you should appear any minute now. He couldn’t remember ever having been so impatient, unable to stop his feet from pacing and his hands from tugging on his jacket, rubbing over his beard and adjusting his glasses over and over again.

Until he finally caught sight of you.

You looked so exhausted, his heart briefly dropping before it continued beating twice as fast as he realized that he would take you home with him, where you could rest. With him, preferably.

Your head lifted from where you had looked at your phone, gaze briefly roaming the area before your eyes caught his. The smile that spread over your lips had his breath hitching, unable to stop himself from grinning widely as you stuffed your phone into the pocket of your jeans and approached him. You met him in the middle as he stepped towards you, letting go of the handle of your suitcase as you fell into his arms. “Hey,” you giggled right beside his ear and slung your arms around his neck while his tightly wrapped around your waist, his eyes falling shut in relief.

He finally had you back.

The hug didn’t last long before he pulled back, your heart dropping as you wondered if he had changed his mind about having you here. But his lips pressing against yours eased all of your worries as fast as they had come, your body relaxing in his arms as you returned the soft kisses he placed on your lips.

“You can’t imagine how much I missed you ever since you left,” he murmured as he slowly pulled back to look at you, his arms still holding you around your middle.

You grinned widely, your hands moving to rest on his shoulders. “Honestly, I’m just here because of London,” you responded, chuckling as he raised an unamused eyebrow. Cupping his face in your hands, you stretched up to kiss him once more and giggled as he playfully bit your lip.


	22. What Happened In Spain- Bonus Chapter

“There’s a cool bar a little down the street,” Cez said and looked up from his phone, meeting mostly exhausted faces. To be fair, it had been a long day of promo and rehearsals and the fact that it was just unbearably hot in Spain at the moment didn’t make it any better.

“I’m down,” you immediately agreed and received a wide grin from Cez.

“Sorry, man. I just want to shower and go to bed.”

“Yeah, same.”

“Another day?”

It was very quickly clear that no one else wanted to come along, which wasn’t that much of a problem. Cez was relatively new on the team and you hadn’t really gotten to know him yet, so you figured this might be the perfect chance for it. “I’ll just go up and freshen up a bit,” you told him as you reached the hotel, all of you piling out of the van and steering straight for the doors to the lobby.

“Of course. Meet you in the lobby in like 5-10 minutes?” he suggested.

“Perfect.”

 

* * *

 

It had started with you leaning in closer as the music in the bar was turned up a bit more. Maybe it had already started with his hand on your lower back earlier that night as he had let you walk into the bar first, holding the door open for you like the gentleman he was. But once the two of you had to huddle a little closer to keep your conversation up it was like you were slowly starting to really click- almost like a barrier broke down between you.

It continued with your hand on his biceps as you told him the story of how you had become Shawn’s PA. He didn’t think much of it, knowing that it didn’t have to mean anything, even though the gentle weight of your hand on his skin was weirdly exciting. So he started to return the touches, making sure it stayed casual. His hand on your elbow. Your hand on his shoulder. His hand on your forearm. Your hand on his forearm. It never crossed the line of casual and friendly touches.

Until your hand landed on his thigh.

His gaze immediately dropped, wondering if you noticed him staring and just ignored it or if you were oblivious to it. He tuned you out for a second, missing a small part of the story you were telling him before he looked up again. He really didn’t know what he had expected, but it wasn’t the confident eyes and slightly shy smile that met him- and the fact that it was such a turn on for him.

He didn’t react immediately, instead waited if you would change your mind and pull your hand back again, but you didn’t- if anything, your hand slid up half an inch as his fingers lightly touched the outside of your bare thigh.

It turned almost into a little game of who would make the next move. His thumb starting to slowly caress back and forth over your skin. Your body twisting on the barstool so you sat facing him, his body immediately following. Both of his hands placing on your thighs in a light touch.

And before he fully realized what had happened- and how much time had passed- you were closer than ever before, your crossed legs snugly fitted between his spread thighs, your knees almost touching his crotch. Your drinks were long forgotten, hands too busy to even think about detaching from the others body.

Even to an outsider it was clear that something was going on between you. The realization made his heart skip a beat and his jeans got a bit tighter at the front, by now unable to keep his eyes and hands off you. All he could concentrate on was you and that he desperately wanted to take back to his room for the night.

He knew it was a bold move. He knew that it could ruin everything between you. He knew it could make everything awkward for the rest of your time working together- which could be years. But he also felt so confident about it, the little signs you had given him all night long had become more and more obvious the more time had passed between you.

So, in a moment of absolute confidence, he leaned over to you, his lips brushing your earlobe. The way you shivered and bit your bottom lip was the last sign he had needed as the words left his mouth. “Let’s go back to the hotel.”

Your eyes were blown wide and he could see the desire written in them as he pulled back to look at you, grinning as you nodded. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

Quickly paying for both of your drinks and ignoring the way you protested and tried to pay for your own, he led you out of the bar with a firm hand placed on your lower back. But you didn’t get far before he had you pushed up against the nearest wall of a building, his arms braced on either side of your head and leaning down a bit so he was on eye level with you.

The surprise was evident in your eyes before a grin spread over your lips, one of your hands reaching out and lightly tugging on the collar of his T-shirt. He immediately followed your silent request, leaning in closer and watching your reactions until his eyes fell shut as his lips touched yours.

You hummed against his mouth and wrapped your arms around his neck, his hands finding purchase on your waist in a touch that was much lighter than you liked it. Back arching off the wall, you pressed your chest up against his and slowly deepened the kiss, having to stop yourself from grinning as you noticed how his hands gently squeezed your sides before they started to explore your body over the thin T-shirt you were wearing.

His fingers traced over your curved spine and his palms grabbed at your sides until he reached the hem of your T-shirt, fingers dangerously close to your butt. Reminding himself that you were still in public, he reluctantly pulled away from your lips and opened his heavy lidded eyes. He grinned as he noticed how you chased his lips for a second.

“C'mon,” he murmured and placed another short peck on your lips before he stepped back and took your hand into his. The walk back to the hotel wasn’t long, but it felt like it took forever until you finally reached his room where he was quick to unlock the door and hold it open for you.

Once the door fell shut behind you there was no stopping either one of you- lips were pressed against the others again and tongues eagerly explored while hands grabbed, pulled and pushed. His T-shirt landed on the floor first and his breath hitched in his throat as your fingertips traced over his exposed chest, his head dipping to your neck. The feeling of his beard against your sensitive skin felt euphoric and left you a little breathless.  _“Cez,”_  you quietly whimpered his name as he bit down on the side of your neck before his tongue soothed over the spot, his hands spreading over your butt and giving the cheeks a squeeze.

“Do you even know what those little shorts have done to me all night long?” he groaned against your skin as his fingers toyed with the edge of them, teasingly dipping his digits beneath the denim before he pulled his hands back again. Instead they snuck beneath your T-shirt, grinning as you didn’t hesitate to grasp the hem and pull it over your head.

His mouth went dry as he spotted the white lacy bra hugging your chest, fingers briefly tracing over the delicate fabric before he dropped to his knees in front of you. Your first instinct was to hold your breath as you watched him kneel in front of you, your hands curling into loose fists. He kept his gaze on you, blue eyes never leaving yours as you toed your sneakers off while he slowly pulled the denim down your legs.

Though, he couldn’t hold back the groan that escaped his throat as he finally took his gaze off you and noticed that you were wearing a fitting pair of white lace panties. His hands grasped at your hips and waist as he slowly got to his feet again, making sure to trace his lips from your lower stomach all the way up to your neck where he immediately attached his lips to your skin.

You reached out to grip his biceps as he started to roughly suck on the side of your neck, knowing that he was leaving a hickey behind but not being able to bring yourself to complain- the feeling of his scruff against your skin was euphoric and it had you a little weak in the knees. “How do you manage to look so innocent and yet so naughty while wearing white lingerie?” he rasped and nibbled on your earlobe, noticing how a shiver ran down your spine while your nails dug into his upper arms.

Turning your head, you found his lips in a passionate kiss as your hands slowly traced down his torso, feeling his muscles clench under your fingertips before you curled your fingers around his belt buckle. He nibbled and tugged on your bottom lip as you teasingly slow undid his belt and unbuttoned his jeans, not even managing to pull the zipper down before he quickly lifted you up.

Your arms and legs immediately wrapped around him as he walked through the room, his grip on you so secure that you felt safer than ever before. He was so gentle as you laid you down in the middle of the bed, your body sinking into the plush covers while he stood up straight at the end of the bed. You bit your bottom lip as he gave you a seductive grin that had a wave of heat rush through your lower stomach, your gaze dropping as he reached down. Nimble fingers pulled the zipper of his jeans down before he shoved the denim down his legs, smirking as you let your gaze trail over his body. The outline of his hard length was clearly visible through the fabric of his boxer briefs and you couldn’t stop yourself from licking over your bottom lip.

Running a hand through his hair, he took a step back before he turned to his suitcase. He quickly found what he was searching for, approaching you again with a condom in his hand that he placed on the mattress beside you as he crawled over you. You immediately reached for him, arms wrapping around his neck and head lifting off the pillows as you captured his lips in a surprisingly soft kiss.

You moaned into the kiss as he slowly pushed his hips against yours, creating the perfect kind of friction. Pulling back, he dipped his head down to your neck where he brushed his lips over your skin in wet kisses. “Cez?” you mumbled, your head tilting back a bit further as he found the sensitive spot on your neck. He simply hummed against your skin, his body comfortably settled between your legs. “Promise me that it’ll stay a one time thing.” You released a little breathy moan as he slowly rolled his hips against yours, clothed cock grinding against your panties. “We can’t let this affect work in any way.”

His lips detached from your neck with a little sound, his body shifting on top of yours as he found your lips in a kiss. “Promise,” he murmured and bit his bottom lip as he felt your hips lifting off the bed to grind against him again. “The second we step out of this hotel room tomorrow morning it’ll be like nothing happened.”

You pulled him down into another kiss, your back arching off the bed as he pushed his hands under your body. Your bra was undone with a skilled flick of his wrist, both of you tugging the piece of clothing off without disconnecting your lips. His hands immediately moved to explore the exposed skin, fingers teasing your hardened nipples in ways that had you shiver beneath him and breathlessly whimper his name.

Once his hands left your chest again it seemed like they were everywhere- tangled in your hair, gripping your hips, tracing along your thighs, all of that while he kissed you with so much passion that you almost forgot how to breathe.

Slowly pulling back, he almost released a moan as he caught sight of you- your lips were red and kiss-swollen, your hair a beautiful mess and a flush had settled on your cheeks. Your gaze followed him as he pushed himself up and stretched over to the side of the bed, hitting one of the many switches with his palm. The main light turned off, only leaving the little lamps on either side of the bed on. Grinning, you raised an eyebrow at him as he sat back on his heels between your spread legs.

His hands slowly caressed over your thighs as he gave you a soft smirk. “Fits better to the mood, huh?” he asked and received an immediate nod from you, a sly smile spreading over your lips as he lightly tugged at the waistband of your panties.

Lifting your hips off the bed, you kept your gaze on him as he slowly pulled them off, the feeling of his fingers combined with the soft lace brushing down your legs gave you goosebumps. He leaned over you as soon as your panties had dropped to the floor, his lips finding yours in passionate kisses.

Though, just seconds later he broke away from your lips with a shaky groan as your palm placed on the front of his boxers, curling around the outline of his length and giving him a gentle squeeze. His scruffy cheek rested against your smooth one, his breaths hitting your shoulder as you slowly let your hand slide beneath the fabric. “Darling-” he choked out, his eyes squeezing shut as you gave him a skilled pump of your hand.

He would never admit it out loud, but it had been  _so long_  and just the feeling of someone else’s hand around his cock had his mind in overdrive already- not like it hadn’t been already. Just having you below him like this was enough to have pure desire pump through his veins, your naked and curvy body feeling so fucking great against his own and  _oh my god_ , you were so wet already.

You released a soft moan as two of his fingers were suddenly on your clit, easily sliding back and forth and giving you the perfect kind of friction that made it hard for you to breathe while he wondered how he had managed to get you this wet already even though he had barely touched you. “Cez,” you mumbled, his head dipping to nibble on your earlobe while he released a soft hum, “‘want you. Need you. Please.”

Like you were trying to emphasize your words- that had gone straight to his crotch and made his cock twitch heavily in your hand- you pushed at his boxers with your free hand, shoving them down his thighs as far as you could reach. Placing a lingering kiss in the crook of your neck, he gave your clit a few more rubs before he sat up and took his hand off you- yours also leaving his body, much to his dismay.

Wrestling his boxers all the way off, he reached for the condom and quickly ripped the wrapper open. You looked like a goddess, he decided as he let his gaze trail down your body while he quickly rolled the condom on.

Your legs angled up on either side of his hips and your fingers buried into his hair as he settled down on top of you, kissing him deeply while he shifted until the found the right angle to grind his cock against your clit. The muffled moans you released into his mouth made his skin prickle with lust, his fingers curling into the sheets beside your body.

He broke away from your lips with every intention to ask for your consent one more time, to make sure you really wanted this, but you beat him to it. You reached down, gentle fingers wrapping around his shaft and positioning him. His gaze dropped between your bodies for a moment before he looked into your begging eyes again, his hips instinctively moving forwards.

You gasped while he released a deep and guttural moan, your body squirming beneath his as he filled you out so perfectly until his hips were completely pressed up against yours. His length faintly throbbed against your walls as both of you got adjusted to the feeling. His forehead rested against yours as he took a deep breath, a soft smile spreading over his lips as you lightly grasped at his hips like you wanted to guide him to start moving.

He tilted his head to kiss you tenderly, the way he slowly moved his lips against yours such a big contrast to the way he had kissed you almost hungrily all night long. You couldn’t stop yourself from softly moaning into the kiss as he started to shift his hips, at first just slow and gentle pushes and pulls before he deepened the kiss and started a faster pace.

Pulling back, he tilted his head down and buried it into the crook of your neck, your moans and whimpers sounding like heaven to him. Neither one of you really cared as the bed started to creak every time he thrust into you, not caring that one of the crew members was definitely on the other side of the wall. The pleasure both of you experienced in that moment was too strong and too overwhelming to care.

“Oh my god, Cez,” you whimpered, your nails digging into his back and feeling the way his spine arched as he thrust into you with just enough force to have you gasping for breath. His hands were in your hair, tugging every now and then while he released deep groans that were muffled against your neck with every move into you. The feeling of your walls hugging and squeezing his throbbing cock had his mind spinning.

It was so hot in the hotel room. You wanted to blame the Spanish heat for it- also for getting you here in the first place. You were sure that the heat had gotten to your head and that was the only reason why you had ended up in this (beautiful) situation.

But deep down you knew that the heat had nothing to do with any of this. It was all Cez.

He quietly moaned your name as he shifted, creating a new angle and slowing his thrusts to smooth and deep rolls of his hips that immediately had you whimpering beneath him. “Fuck, right there.  _Right there,”_  you begged, his head lifting to nibble on your earlobe. Your nails were clawing at his back and you were breathing quickly, your eyes struggling to open as he pushed himself up to look down on you.

He had always thought that you were drop dead gorgeous, from the moment he had stepped into that conference room months ago and had laid his eyes on you for the very first time. But this right here, this was a whole new definition of drop dead gorgeous. He never wanted to forget how utterly perfect you looked right now.

You moaned his name in the kind of needy way that had his thrusts falter for a moment. He knew that he was so close to his high and yet  _needed_  you to come first. So he leaned down to kiss you again and put as much effort as possible into the way he rolled his hips against yours.

What he didn’t know was that you were so close already, your heart racing in your chest as you chased the feeling and desperately hoped that he wouldn’t change the perfect angle he had right now. Curling a leg around his hips, you broke away from his lips with a cry of his name as he snuck a hand between your bodies, fingers placing on your clit and rubbing quick circles over it.

You started trembling beneath him and arched your back off the bed, a whimper falling from your lips and your toes curling before you came undone beneath him. It was the strongest orgasm you had experienced in a long time, his fingers never stopping the motions on your clit, even as the feeling of your walls clenching around him also threw him over the edge.

His moans and groans were deep, the complete opposite to your higher moans and whimpers as you clung to the other, his thrust sloppy before he stilled deep inside of you. Somewhere in his post-climax glow he noticed a faint stinging on his back, but the complete satisfaction that took over his body was too strong to care about something else but you and how utterly amazing you were.

Lips finding yours in soft and slow kisses, he carefully pulled out of you and received an immediate whine from you. He placed a few calming pecks over your jaw, both of you still breathing heavily. One of your hands slowly combed through his hair over and over again, your eyes closed and a smile playing on your lips.

“Everything okay?” he murmured, the tip of his nose lightly rubbing against yours and receiving a soft giggle from you.

Forcing your eyes open, you looked up into his tender eyes, your hand coming to rest on the side of his face as you nodded.

 

* * *

 

He found you on the balcony, his T-shirt loosely hanging from your shoulders. The two of you had taken separate showers once you had been able to untangle yourselves from the other- and of course he had let you go first, leaving a T-shirt for you so you didn’t have to put on your own again that you had worn all day long. So when he had stepped out of the bathroom he had been confused for a moment when he hadn’t found you anywhere.

The slightly colder night air felt refreshing against his heated skin, immediately understanding why you had gone outside. You turned your head to look at him as he stepped up beside you. The smile you gave him made his heart skip a beat, his hand instinctively placing on your back, though he stopped himself from pulling you closer.

The water bottle in your hands was half empty as you offered it to him. “Thanks,” he smiled gratefully and took it, taking a big gulp and leaning his forearms on the railing, both of you looking out over the city.

“Oh, shit,” you suddenly started to giggle, his head turning to you to find you inspecting his back. Gentle fingers touched his skin in a way that gave him goosebumps before you brushed over a spot that made him flinch away- the pain surprising him for a moment. “Sorry,” your voice was sheepish as you carefully traced along one of the scratches on his back.

Placing the empty bottle on the small table to his right, he turned back to you, pride written all over his features. “I was that good?” he smirked, making you playfully roll your eyes with a grin on your lips.

“At least you won’t have any trouble to cover those up,” you responded, hinting at the fact that he only had to wear a T-shirt and no one would ever see them. A sheepish grin spread over his lips as you pointed at your neck where he had left a mark on your skin. “I either have to use tons of makeup or wear a turtleneck,” you complained, lightly touching the spot where you knew the dark purple hickey was clearly standing out against your skin.

“I’m really sorry,” he apologized and sat down on one of the chairs, “I didn’t think it through. I guess I was a little caught up in the moment.”

You sighed softly and shrugged. “I also didn’t stop you even though I knew what you were doing.”

Reaching his hand out to you, he smiled softly as you immediately placed your hand in his and allowed him to pull you closer, looking down on him with warm eyes as you were standing between his spread legs. His hands placed on your hips, turning you you a little and guiding you until you were perched on his thigh. “You know,” he murmured, one of your arms loosely wrapping around his neck as you leaned against his chest, “if you want to, you can leave a hickey on my neck too so I’ll also have to deal with trying to cover it up.”

You giggled and shook your head, leaving a soft kiss on his neck while his hand slowly caressed along your thigh, the other resting around your hip in a tight grip, fingers toying with the lace of your panties. “Cez?” you mumbled, your free hand raising to place on his chest.

Tilting his head, he placed a kiss on top of your head and let his lips linger for a moment. “Yes?”

You lifted your head and met his soft gaze, his features relaxing even more as you brought your hand up to cup the side of his face. “I’m glad no one else wanted to come to the bar with us.”

He grinned widely and gently squeezed your hip. He noticed how your gaze dropped to his lips and his heart started beating faster, his head instinctively tilting a bit- like a silent sign to show you that he would be okay with it if you kissed him.

So you did.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on Tumblr! @getwaytooinvolved


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